Joanne's StarTeacher Blog

A few weeks ago, I was at a local dance and a woman signaled to me from across the room that she wanted to “lead” me in the next dance. As a follower (female), I don’t particularly enjoy another woman leading me as I feel uncomfortable being “chest on chest” in that way since Argentine tango is danced quite close. Thus, I declined her invitation to dance. From across the room there is only so much that someone can signal with a few glances so my true intent – other than “No” was not known to her. Since rejection can be felt in different ways, in my mind, I had hoped for the opportunity to convey that it wasn’t personal with her, just my own preferences. This article is how this scenario unfolded.

Later in the evening, when she came closer to where I was sitting, I took the opportunity to speak to her kindly and say, “before, when you indicated that you wanted to lead me, it wasn’t you, it was that I don’t feel comfortable with another woman leading me.”  I went on to explain the deeper reason, pointing to my chest. She smiled and told me that she hadn’t taken offense. I was happy to have told her in any case since I didn’t want to chance the possibility of hurting her feelings.

What was especially interesting about this evening was that I began to chat with her again more into the evening and she engaged with me. I can be very chatty and kept going until, in the middle of a sentence, she stopped me saying “I need to sit down” and walked off. I took this sudden action by surprise and wondered if I had spoken too long or had upset her in some way. Perhaps it’s just my current frame of mind of not wanting to offend anyone for any reason. There is enough conflict in the world, and I don’t want to add to it.

At the end of evening, the dance concluded, I changed into my street shoes and walked out the door of the event, and down the long path to my car. There were very few cars parked in the large open lot in which I usually parked as there is another lot farther up the hill in which many of the dancers who arrive earlier sometimes park. I’m not one of them, preferring to just park in the bigger lot that is farther away. As I approached my car, this same woman was there going to her car – one of the few nearby in the same lot. Again, I took the opportunity to express my apologies in case I had offended her in some way. She said, no, that was not the case. She went on to explain that sometimes she just got tired and had to sit down. So, I had worried for nothing. But the point is that in my mind I had wanted to apologize “just in case” and the ability to do so was given to me.

As nothing happens by accident, I believe that we were both divinely guided to be in the same place at the same time to allow the interaction as described to unfold. “Repentance for any wrongdoing” is a blessing.