Fine line between love and hate

June 10, 2021

Have you ever noticed how fine the line is between love and hate? People can be married for many years and suddenly get divorced hating each other. Normally, one assumes there is love when people marry. So how does the transition to hate occur? There are many answers to this question. In this blog article I will tackle a few of them including: a sudden incident, a gradual loss of connection, and finally, it was a mistake in the first place.

Let’s take the first cause of sudden disinterest in a marriage or relationship. (Perhaps one party changes with age, or there could be a situation that brings out extreme anger, rage or signs of abuse exciting fear on the other partner. Inappropriate intimacies with others can excite betrayal. Such strong emotions are very difficult to overcome and even if excused, often cause love to turn sour…and also, to hate.

Love Hate Computer Keys Shows Emotion Anger And Conflict

Taking a step back for the moment, it’s important to understand what emotions come from the second, third and fourth chakras. Fear (2nd chakra) and love (4th chakra) are opposing energies and cannot coexist. So if one is operating, the other will not be. In other words, fear and love cannot be present at the same time. Once a person begins to fear for safety of self or their integrity (as in betrayal) love is sure to die and to do so rather quickly. So second chances are rare and rarely succeed. The answer is to not do it! Think first or risk the relationship. Meanwhile, the third chakra is the seat of one’s personal power. Thus, if there is little energy in this solar plexus area, then the person feels the victim or without power. If there is too much energy in this area, then the person may be a power person or when taken to the extreme, a manipulator, narcissist, or bully over using one’s power.  

Unfortunately, I’ve had experiences with most of these situations including feeling powerless, a victim and even being bullied. Luckily, I learned from each of them and came out stronger. Not everyone is capable of coming into their authentic self to own their power, and be able to love without fear.  The more we do our “homework”, that is, work through our personal issues, the stronger we become in each of our chakras. The goal is to be as balanced as possible. Even love can be too strong wherein we give out too much forgetting ourselves.

The heart is like an emotional bank account with withdrawals when others are mean to us or we give freely to be of service. We then need to take in emotional support and loving kindness in order to balance out this heart energy. I’m providing just the tip of the discussion here but enough for you to get the idea. Don’t give so much that you get depleted or you will get overdrawn, just like your financial bank account would be.

Here’s a story of a situation that happened recently. A woman went to visit a guy friend who wasn’t finished with his routine weekend chores. Rather than stop his activities when she arrived, he insisted upon keeping her waiting another hour past their agreed meeting time. She was a bit aggravated but kept silent about it. She tried to lighten him up by joking around as he seemed so tense about getting things done. As she leaned into to him, his arms flew up in a protective stance – one that a man would take if he was concerned for his safety. This maneuver was totally unnecessary since the woman was much smaller than the man. None the less his arm hit her in the face knocking her on her nose. She was not only stunned by his behavior, she was really physically hurt. He never said he was sorry.

As she was reeling and dizzy from the strike to her face, she stayed in his house for the next few hours while he watched tv and ate dinner. She quietly planned how she would leave so as not to cause any trouble. Eventually, she felt well enough to make excuses and leave. When she did so, he said nothing and watched her walk out. It was only the next day that he realized that he’d just about ruined his chances with this woman and began to beg her to forgive him. She wanted no part of it. And so it went for a week. Eventually, she felt bad for him and gave him a reprieve but only on probation to monitor his behavior. The relationship lasted a few more weeks and then she ended it for good realizing that she could be in her power and not live in fear that he could be violent again.

The next reason is loss of connection. This can happen at any stage of a relationship. Perhaps people get started based on physical attraction and then really get to know each other finding there is little in common. Or what was in common loses interest. Sometimes people get together for the wrong reasons, like over an activity that one partner no longer wishes to pursue. There are many reasons for falling out including just getting older and changing.

The last reason – it was a mistake in the first place often happens when the couple is too young, there is too big an age gap, the financial circumstances are very different, some cultural norm is very different or there isn’t agreement on how it is to be handled, etc. Sometimes people come together to work out karma and the lessons are done; hence the basis for the relationship is done. I’ve experienced this one a number of times.

One thing I can say for sure: if two people come together and feel strongly about a relationship, there is a reason for it. It may be for a time, for a season or for a lifetime. Only you and your divine essence know. Your comments are always welcome.


It’s not just you!

December 18, 2020

My brother died in September and I wrote the following article after he had been gone for a week. My family had been acting weird not communicating with me in any kind of normal way. I’m not going to describe what weird actually means since every family has their own dynamic.

Soon after, I went out dancing to one of the few places that allows such activity, albeit with masks and lots of hand sanitizer in between partners.  As I entered, the first person I saw told me that the love of their life had died several months before of a brain tumor. The next person I met at this same dance told me that their partner had died three weeks before. As I was leaving the dance which was only an hour in length, another person said to “stay safe”- and that they could survive anything after what they’d been through with their family just a few months prior. He went on to explain how his brother was found after four days quite unrecognizable, having been living off soda and liquor [sugar and sugar]. After hearing this story I inquired if foul play had been suspected. I received a very surprising reply, apparently the children reported to the police that he and his brother had had a strained relationship which resulted in this guy being taken in for questioning.

At this point I realized that it’s not just me. There is a lot of death and transformation going around. I’m starting to study astrology and am finding meaning in the alignment of the planets. Perhaps all this strange behavior is the result of Pluto hitting into Mars or Saturn? I left the dance and went out into the night to gaze up at the night sky and saw the full moon. Several of my relationships of late of various types have gone bad. Change is all around me.

Does it help to know this? Yes it helps to put things into perspective. We have both challenges and happy times along our life journey; some high times and some low. Right now, I’m experiencing more lows than highs, but I will get through it with grace, humility, and appreciation as I move along the divine path set before me. There is a reason for everything. Comments are always welcome.


Discernment from guidance

July 30, 2020

As a spiritual person, one can be called by our guides and angels to assist others – whether as an individual or a group to move towards the light. I recently had experiences representing both of these types of “SOS assistance calls” to which I responded. Although I feel good that I did respond, I also learned my own lesson of discernment. Discernment is ascertaining just when to start trusting, assisting while maintaining one’s own boundaries, in any type of relationship.

My first personal lesson of discernment concerns a spiritual group to which I belong; in fact, it is the group from which I was ordained 11 years ago. My favorite saying is that some spiritual people are not so spiritual. The reason I say this is that the human ego is present in all of us on this physical dimension, and even those souls who profess to be spiritual can have an overactive sense of self-importance. Case in point is the various leaders of this particular group who have taken over after the original self-less leader led the way for over 30 years. I give people who are dedicated to a cause much credit, so don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate the role that they play. It’s just that when they ask me for help and I comply, they have tended to give me a really hard time.  

 The most recent situation that has me rather irked is where I spent time developing a meditation for their Friday night service. The program that I developed was well received by this particular leader. I was then informed of the date when it would be aired on Facebook live. I did the work on my own in order to help the organization promote their spiritual message. That said, it is common practice to provide creators of programs credit for their work. My bio and hi resolution photo had been requested but it was never posted on the website. Although their website did note a program to be held that evening, there was no mention of my meditation. I tuned in that evening to hear the pastor give her talk and then my meditation came on. Unless one was online and just listened there would be no way for anyone to find it on the website later. This is contrasted to other visiting people doing programs and being very much recognized. Just to make the point that I don’t develop these programs for personal gain nor recognition, but it’s only right to give someone credit.

I did send a note to the leader indicating what I thought was a mistake and asking for it to be corrected. I never got a thank you for the program nor did I receive any indication that my concern would be acknowledged. I made a tough decision not to make further contributions for this group. I didn’t call and complain. I just will step back. If I decide to develop other programs, I will post them here for my readers to see. So my discernment is that this type of unrecognized behavior is only using me and does not serve me to do anymore for them. It’s a basic rule of the universe that when we give out we should get something back, not necessarily money, but some exchange of energy to preserve the balance of nature. Apparently, the so-called spiritual people involved are not so spiritual.

The second example involved an individual that I felt called to help. A few weeks ago I came into contact with a man who was had recently separated from his marriage. Normally, I stay clear of this type of situation knowing from past experience that it doesn’t go well. Newly separated people have so much baggage to process, yet in this case I felt that guidance wanted me to assist him. Our initial contacts were cordial but after a couple weeks it became clear that he wanted to go out. I agreed to meet for dinner thinking that he just wanted a friend with whom to hang out.

Unfortunately, after just a couple weeks of interactions, he became controlling, manipulative and although I could see it coming, he had some endearing qualities which were engulfing me. I was in a quandary. I knew better than get involved, yet I felt myself slipping. My desire to help him, after so many years of life coaching this is a trait that is hard to leave behind, yet he was attaching to me very quickly. He was an energy vampire and it was taking its toll on me. Everything that happened to him was a major drama and as I tried to help him sort it out, I was getting more sucked in. I didn’t want to be his life coach, nor his therapist so my comments stopped at suggestions that I would make to any friend. Still I could feel my own energy draining.

Finally, this past weekend, my angels gave me the signal. It was time for it all to end. The balance point had been tipped. He was really wound and did some things that I couldn’t stand for which gave me cause to be snippy to him. My goal was to give him reason to end it with me so that he could save face. It worked since by the end of the day he was upset. That evening, he sent me a “good-bye” text. I was very happy. My plan had worked. I had been concerned that he would disintegrate if I walked away from him. Sometimes this approach is necessary. The very next day he tried to communicate with me but I didn’t respond. I now feel better. Whatever help I was supposed to provide, I did so until the balance point was reached. This is discernment in action. It’s good to help others but we must watch out for ourselves. I’ve also let my guides know that I’m done with this type of assistance in the future!

 Comments are always welcome.


Creating a loving reality

May 19, 2020

If you ask someone what is missing in their life, many will respond that they’d like more love. The younger generation might feel that they didn’t get enough love from their parents, whereas the older generation might feel forgotten by their kids. Or, the working class might feel that they’re not appreciated at work. Those of one belief system may feel those of other beliefs (whether religious, organizational or political) are against them. And even there are those that judge themselves unworthy of even being loved.

Wow, with all this unloving going on it’s amazing that anyone is happily in love! But of course, there are many people that walk around with smiles on their faces while in relationships, having wonderful children, and happy at their jobs. So what creates loving vs. unloving situations? The question is an age old one of how can one be happy because in actuality, we create our situations (most of the time).

According to brain research as well as ancients religious texts, we create our world one thought at a time. I recently watched a great video on GAIA, the spiritual equivalent of AMAZON PRIME VIDEO Channel, which explained how the brain is wired. This video went on to explain how our thought patterns create new neural networks almost like beating a path to a door from constantly going there.

The result of constantly re-hashing how others were mean, angry, abusive or otherwise non- appreciative of us, is creating a mental state where we begin to believe that we are only deserving of abusive behavior. In other words, by thinking negatively about ourselves we begin to believe the negatively about ourselves which in turn becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. This was a scientifically based video. The other end of the spectrum is the spiritual view where Edgar Cayce, the sleeping prophet and great psychic of the 20th century, promoted the idea that thoughts become actions become our world; or, as we think so we become. So here we have a case of science meeting spirituality; both systems giving support to the idea that thinking negatively is counter-productive to create anything positive.

Now my own universal law appropriate here is that nothing positive comes from a negative. In the case of love, if you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else do so? It also follows that if you want to be loved you need to be more loving yourself, as like attracts like. This is also promoted by many spiritual beliefs as well as the work of Edgar Cayce.

If we create our world one thought at a time and we need to be loving in order to be loved, what is the best way to create a loving reality? I believe the answer is clear! Be positive with your self-talk, have compassion with those around you, think before you speak working towards being the best version of yourself that you can be avoiding throwing stones at others for holding a contrary viewpoint; everyone deserves a place in the world and to express  their reality even if you don’t agree. Hold love in your heart for your fellow humans; one day we might need each other. There are many challenges at hand. No one knows for sure what will happen in the future. Have empathy. Stay in the light and be positive. These are all loving qualities to nurture and behold the love that returns. Voila, you’ve created a loving reality! (Granted, this may not be a perfect solution, but give it a try and see how life improves!!)

Comments are always welcome..


Slow Down for 2020

January 22, 2020

Thinking about New Year’s resolutions? How about slowing down and enjoying the many blessings that we already have in our lives? If we are going so fast, running around doing errands, attending to the insurance and phone problems as well as the doctor appointments, visits with friends that we cram in rather than space out, we just can’t enjoy our time. So for this New Year, I vowed to really slow down. Then the universe began to give me opportunities to do so as well as other people who felt the same to help me attain my new goal.

Sometimes there are pushes to get to new soul developments in our lives. In my case, it was ill health throughout the month of December. First, I had stomach issues that seemed to be related to overdosing on vitamin supplements. I had been told that I needed to take more and more specialized supplements to handle leaky gut and adrenal problems. The underlying symptoms were extreme fatigue, poor digestion, and the feeling that my very expensive organic diet wasn’t being converted to energy. In the end, I had to stop taking all this stuff and just rest, relax and slowdown in order to get better.  Towards the end of the month I came down with a really bad cold and cough which I believe was part of a healing crisis.

During this time, I began to do some journaling and realized that it was a turning point in my life. Perhaps my soul was writing the story of my life and detoxing from the prior extremes that I had gone through for what may well be the first 2/3 of the years that I would have on this plane of existence. Although one never knows the exact time that we get here, I just have this feeling that my time as a life coach had come to an end, even though I will continue to help others in a more probono manner.  Just as I had left the corporate world over 10 years ago, I was now letting my semi-retirement profession go as well. I had done this partially a couple years ago, but felt that I had totally left it now and was detoxing from the residue of helping others get rid of their junk.  The final phase was to literally slow down.

And then I went off to a tango festival on the west coast in concert with a family visit. During this time, I met some awesome people who were light bearers. When I refer to people in this way, I mean that I could feel how spiritually then led their lives and interacting with them was a joy. Truly I was feeling the joy return to my life after being around these people for several days.

This was the fourth year that I’d done this particular dance program but the first one where I’d met so many light bearers. I might meet someone in a workshop and then somehow connect for a meal during which we’d chat; I’d then find out how really interesting they were and that it was their birthday the following week. So, in my good feelings of abundance, I paid for their meal as well as mine. They were happy and I felt great. By being with people of the light, I was more of the light also. Another example was of a guy I met at one of the dance evenings that interacted with me on an outing to a park the next day. We totally had a great time and enjoyed the day together. During this time, we shared stories of our lives and found out how very spiritual we both were.  I thought I was spiritual, but he’d studied for many more years and shared with me about his beliefs of compassion, meditation and allowing the universe to guide him. Although I had my own version of these disciplines, it was wonderful to be with a kindred soul. His energy felt so good to me that I was in a very nice calm place all day. The hours flew by. Once again, the universe delivered me to just the right people in just the right place for me to evolve even more.

So as I celebrated the New Year on the West Coast, I brought in a new spirit of abundance, calmer and with a renewed desire to appreciate all the many blessings I already have… in other words, to slow down and find my joy.


Be friendlier

November 1, 2019

It’s an age old wisdom that we should look in the mirror first if we feel there is something missing in our lives. Thus when I decided that I needed more friends and that I would have to be more welcoming to bring people into my life. In other, I would have to be friendlier.

Ok so how do I become friendlier when I thought I was already a nice person who was polite and congenial to those that I met anyway? Well I guess it came down to my energy. What was the message that my energy was sending out? Although I felt friendly, perhaps I was inwardly insecure or afraid, which sent a similar awkward message out to the world. This was not what I wanted. In other words, as is quite common, I was guilty of sending out a mixed message. My outer voice wanted one thing while my inner voice was reflecting another. I needed to become congruent.

Thus I had to really become a happy person, feel good about myself, and raise my self-esteem which in turn would send out a happy vibe to the world. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I booked a social group and just smiled and talked with people being non-judgmental and accepting them for who they were. Suddenly people began to like me more. When I became more of a listener reflecting back to people what they were saying, staying present and really hearing them, even more people liked me. In turn, I was laughing more.

Before I knew it I was in my authentic self, feeling good and sending out positive vibes. Soon, I was getting return positive glances at my gym class at Zumba and in social circles. Then on travel, people would engage with me more. All of a sudden, I then realized that i was really making friends. I had become a friendlier person with all the associated qualities. My energy changed and I attracted healthier people into my life that warranted my friendship. As far as I can tell so far, these are people that really want to be friends, have no ulterior motives or axes to grind, no mood disordered and just healthy happy people. What a relief it is. It’s been awesome so far and I certainly hope it continues. I offer my personal experience to you so that you can give it a try and see what happens. As always comments are welcome.


We are our own worst critic

October 5, 2019

We know that being judgmental is not good behavior yet we judge ourselves all the time. That voice inside our heads can be positive or negative; this is called self-talk. Unfortunately, that inner voice is more often negative than positive reminding us of all of our faults rather than of our wonderful qualities. Why do we do this? The answer is low self-esteem.

                                                            
There are times in our lives when we don’t feel good about ourselves like when we decide that we’re not moving forward in our lives in some way that we think we should. We have a tendency to look at others then judge ourselves. They have the house already or a better job therefore we failed. We should be thinking that the other person is just ahead of us and we will get there in our own time. Everything in its own time, right? Or that’s how it should be. Instead, we judge others for having more or being prettier or thinner or going on a neat vacation.

Rather than judge ourselves, or others why not just accept the situation for what it is? Its human nature to compare one to another; we are creatures of a pack, team or community. But in those relationships we must take care not to think less of ourselves for our points that are just different. We all do this. Last night I almost didn’t go out dancing because I’ve gained a few pounds due to less activity while my ankle was healing from an injury. I convinced myself that I needed to go out and that being with people would make me feel better rather than being alone. The woman in charge of the dance who is very tiny commented that due to her hurting foot she had gained 8 pounds. Wow I was surprised. So it happens to many people. I felt ok and decided that rather than judge myself for having gained weight I would focus on losing it now that my activity could increase.

In other words when your self-talk becomes negative find a way to stop yourself to make it positive. Life will flow better and you will soar along with your self-esteem. Comments are always welcome.


If a tree could talk

July 17, 2019

Ever walk by an interesting tree and wonder about it? How old is it? Do animals live in its branches or inside part of its trunk? What stories could it tell you about people who have walked by. Some trees are called witness trees because they’ve seen horrible events… or maybe two people got engaged under a tree. All of these are possibilities if a tree could tell you what it’s seen or heard.

What is precipitating this question for me? Recently there was a tree that fell across the walking path behind my townhome. As I stood looking at this huge brown tree devoid of leaves, essentially dead, it fell across the path, having fallen due to excessive rain, I wondered about its life. It was a very large tree and yet during a bad storm it was taken down. After many years of standing tall, its root system gave way to old age and poor drainage. It was a product of a bad ecosystem.

Yet, this downed tree lying on the ground still had a story to tell. I stood there and just looked at it. There were lots of holes where animals could make a nest and live. Perhaps birds were born in its branches when it stood tall. I’m sure that it provided shade to other smaller trees, to animals that ran through the nearby vegetation as well as for people who might be passing underneath. There are many possibilities of how this tree could have been productive during its life. Even now in death, this tree will eventually decay to nourish the soil around it to help other plans and tress flourish.

I’ve heard stories of witness trees. These are trees that are normally over one hundred years old that were standing during revolutions, wars, major events, hangings, or other atrocities. Or, on a happier note, there are trees that have witnessed people falling in love, making babies, having lively conversations or passing important information along. One can only imagine what a tree might say, if it could talk!


Half full or half empty?

June 13, 2019

There is an old adage of how we look at life” do you see the glass as half empty or half full?” This is a common theme that plays out time and time again when looking at situations. How one sees things is always in the mind of the beholder.

Recently, I sent a photo to two friends while visiting family out in California of Palm trees with a mountain background taken during my early morning walk. The caption to my one friend was simply a good morning to her. I received a reply that the photo looked serene and peaceful. In other words, she had a positive response to an image that was pleasantly received. As my other friend lives in a northern climate still experiencing chilly weather, I captioned the photo that I was sending sunshine. His response involved questioning the temperature to which I told him over 100F… “an oven” was his response… he knows that I totally enjoy my morning walks in the sunshine because I don’t do it at home. Yes it’s a bit warm even at 7 am, but it’s so beautiful looking at the mountains and the Palm trees that it’s my favorite thing to do while out west. We don’t have Palm trees in Virginia.

So where are we in this story? My first friend is a positive person about most things so it’s not so surprising that she’d have a positive response to the photo I sent. She takes life well and I enjoy being with her. She holds down an important management consulting position and juggles being a Mom to two young adult boys. She’s a genuinely nice person.

My other friend tries to be a nice person too but he gets lost in the negativity of the world. As a result he sees the negative in little things that people do or say and in this case, he missed the beauty of the moment or the kindness of the act by over analyzing the situation. I still like him for he has some lovely qualities, but he struggles to get through life. Such a small thing like looking at a photo and deciding what you will see. But that’s the point.

It’s a decision how we will interpret what comes into our mind. So will you see the glass as half empty or half full next time? Try to catch yourself if you start to be negative. With practise we can move into being more positive people and in the process we will be happier too. Comments are always welcome.


Time to take a stand for oneself!

April 16, 2019

It’s a beautiful spring day. The trees are blooming and look refreshing and new. It’s warming a bit so that it’s not so cold as before. It would be nice to talk a walk out in the sunshine.

I choose to think positive thoughts; to read my book on the fascinating history of the Templars in Portugal; to help others by mentoring and to do other volunteer efforts which bring me joy. I started assisting my university alumni with offers of mentoring and immediately had a taker… the very next day. It was a pleasure to help this woman assess her current career situation and how to move forward according to her desired plan. These are all pro bono sessions but they provide me a venue for giving back and that brings me joy.

An old project management colleague contacted me to be interviewed for an article that he was writing and I was glad to assist. The piece was on the value and impact of various certifications and as I have several very unusual ones, he chose me to be included. It was fun to participate and wonderful to receive a digital copy of the finished product several weeks later. More joy came to me in helping him.

Those that chose to stay in a negative place will be left behind. I can only help so much for it drains me if there is nothing ever coming back, nor appreciation; just chaos left in the ashes of my attempts to be of service. Thus, to those that are negative energy I say that I must detach from you all. It’s just too oppressive.

For there to be a friendship, it must be a two way street. The same holds true for a relationship. Both parties must acknowledge their participation otherwise, there is nothing? It’s all just a fantasy.  I care about all the issues that other people have but no one wants to listen to me or care about what is going on in my life. Am I too independent? Too willing to take on the world? At some point, I have to say that it’s enough and I’m going to stop being the world’s baby sitter, or mother or care taker. I have to look out for myself and have proper boundaries.

So if your mood darkens and you refuse the light that I offer, so be it. I can do no more. I will not be your psychologist to figure out what’s going on with you. Only you can decide you want to figure all that out and then it’s part of your soul’s journey to take the road ahead.

So here is where we part company. I choose to take the high road, be positive and follow my path to be of service. My goal is to help souls one by one to be all they can be in order to raise the vibration of the planet. But each soul must move forward in his/her own way and in their own time.

It’s your decision now. What will it be? Will you stay behind in the darkness or come with me into the light? Comments are welcome.


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