an age old wisdom that we should look in the mirror first if we feel there is
something missing in our lives. Thus when I decided that I needed more friends and
that I would have to be more welcoming to bring people into my life. In other,
I would have to be friendlier.
Ok so how do I become friendlier
when I thought I was already a nice person who was polite and congenial to
those that I met anyway? Well I guess it came down to my energy. What was the
message that my energy was sending out? Although I felt friendly, perhaps I was
inwardly insecure or afraid, which sent a similar awkward message out to the
world. This was not what I wanted. In other words, as is quite common, I was
guilty of sending out a mixed message. My outer voice wanted one thing while my
inner voice was reflecting another. I needed to become congruent.
Thus I had to really become a happy person, feel good about myself, and raise
my self-esteem which in turn would send out a happy vibe to the world. It
wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I booked a social group and just smiled
and talked with people being non-judgmental and accepting them for who they
were. Suddenly people began to like me more. When I became more of a listener
reflecting back to people what they were saying, staying present and really
hearing them, even more people liked me. In turn, I was laughing more.
Before I knew it I was in my authentic self, feeling good and sending out
positive vibes. Soon, I was getting return positive glances at my gym class at Zumba
and in social circles. Then on travel, people would engage with me more. All of
a sudden, I then realized that i was really making friends. I had become a
friendlier person with all the associated qualities. My energy changed and I
attracted healthier people into my life that warranted my friendship. As far as
I can tell so far, these are people that really want to be friends, have no
ulterior motives or axes to grind, no mood disordered and just healthy happy
people. What a relief it is. It’s been awesome so far and I certainly hope it
continues. I offer my personal experience to you so that you can give it a try
and see what happens. As always comments are welcome.
We all know, or have learned the hard way that human
communication is not an exact science. The old adage is that’s why there are
lawyers! Today, I’m going to relate a situation that I experienced regarding a
transaction on EBay. The whole interaction went from a misunderstanding to bad
then to worse. Then it got ugly! Sometimes people and processes just don’t go
as one might expect.
First, let me say
that my perspective on EBay is pretty laid back because it’s not my main
business; it’s very much a hobby and a casual one at that. I sell stuff to get
it out of my closet and if I’m lucky, I get a few dollars for it. So what’s my
story? I offered a beautiful designer red silk dress for sale at a fabulously
low price plus shipping. The woman in question, whom I will call “The Buyer”,
sent an offer. What I saw on my end was “an offer to buy at $50” which I
accepted. I’ve been doing EBay for about 8 years so I don’t question offers. I
just look at the figure and either accept the bid or not. Usually people pay
within a day or two. My listing clearly states that non-payment after 48 hours
will result in a cancelled transaction. If someone made a mistake in pushing “buy”,
then an email to me indicating such will solve the problem. I’m not out to
force any sales, so if there’s a mistake, I’ll cancel the transaction.
I accepted the offer and the EBay system put the offer in as
a sale and sent the Buyer an invoice for the price plus shipping. No response.
Several days go by. I sent a nice note with a reminder invoice – “is there a
problem, I ask?” No response. More time goes by. The EBay system opened a non-payment case
against the Buyer automatically, which when she received the notice made her
furious resulting in her sending me a scathing email stating that I hadn’t read
her offer. What? I never saw any email or further detail about her offer.
Apparently, she writes that she’s retired and doesn’t have the money. (Why buy
if you don’t have money??) At this point it was very confusing to me because
she referred to 8/30 which I assumed meant August 30, but it was August 20. I
had no idea what she was talking about. Rather than calmly explain to me that
she’d get money at the end of the month which eventually I realized, she raved
at me that I hadn’t read the offer details (that I’d never seen) and basically
was saying how stupid I was for causing this problem. As it wasn’t an auction
item, just a fixed price, make an offer, she could have waited a few days until
her pension check arrived. Rather, she chose to expect me to make the system
work according to what was best for her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t to be.
It became obvious to me that she had anger issues and was venting at me for other situations where she hadn’t been heard. I was just the one getting her venom over these frustrations in her life. I kept trying to write to her calmly explaining that the system was automated, that offers are translated into purchases, and that non-payment cases can be opened without me doing anything. She insisted that I cancel the transaction at this point which was impossible according to the EBay system even after I tried calling them directly. I wasted so much time over almost a week for a non-sale with this woman. I had packed this gorgeous dress with tissue paper in a strong box so that it wouldn’t get wrinkled… basically for naught. After 2 days of her insisting that I cancel the transaction, I find that she paid. It was the night before the payment was due or a negative mark would go against her. I figured that she paid to clear the case so that I could cancel the transaction. So I went into the transaction, which was now clear, and cancelled it. I thought this was what she wanted. She had not sent me an email to tell me that she changed her mind about cancelling the transaction and now she wanted it. So what happened next?
The next morning I got a wailing email, “oh, I’m going to
cry. You cancelled the transaction after I paid for the dress!” Well, yeah, after receiving email after email
insisting that I cancel and no communication indicating otherwise, what else
could I do? Then I get more communication about why did I do that? It’s like
being in Wonderland! Ok, so I thought about it and my final email to her was my
best attempt to be spiritual, “I’m sorry that you’re not happy with this
transaction. Sometimes people and processes don’t go as one might want or expect.
Rather than directing anger at me, a bit of patience might have been a better
idea. It would also be a good idea to find a healthier channel to vent your
frustrations that to direct them at me”.
The moral of the story is that when crazy interactions occur
like this story; take a moment to reflect on the situation. Chances are there’s
more going on than the immediate reaction. Usually, there are related
experiences that the person is reacting to in this lifetime or a prior one. It’s
easy to ignore the person but just a bit harder to consider how you can be a
guiding light. Just consider that she needed to be reminded of her behavior and
it took me going beyond the physical to tell her about it.
Although I had planned for this to be the end, there’s more.
The woman wrote back telling me that “You’re a fool!” Well so much for being a
messenger of light. I thought about her response a lot and I truly believe that
I was guided to write back to her what I had to give her a chance to reconsider
her self-righteous position. Unfortunately, she failed the test. Now the
universe takes over and karma steps in. I believe that she’s really in scarcity
and has a lot of hatred, anger and hostility built up over being in a
compromising financial situation. But what got her there? Meanwhile, I live in
abundance and reap the rewards.
Comments are always welcome.
Ever walk by an interesting tree and wonder about it? How old
is it? Do animals live in its branches or inside part of its trunk? What
stories could it tell you about people who have walked by. Some trees are
called witness trees because they’ve seen horrible events… or maybe two people
got engaged under a tree. All of these are possibilities if a tree could tell
you what it’s seen or heard.
What is precipitating
this question for me? Recently there was a tree that fell across the walking
path behind my townhome. As I stood looking at this huge brown tree devoid of
leaves, essentially dead, it fell across the path, having fallen due to
excessive rain, I wondered about its life. It was a very large tree and yet during
a bad storm it was taken down. After many years of standing tall, its root
system gave way to old age and poor drainage. It was a product of a bad
Yet, this downed tree lying on the ground still had a story
to tell. I stood there and just looked at it. There were lots of holes where
animals could make a nest and live. Perhaps birds were born in its branches
when it stood tall. I’m sure that it provided shade to other smaller trees, to
animals that ran through the nearby vegetation as well as for people who might
be passing underneath. There are many possibilities of how this tree could have
been productive during its life. Even now in death, this tree will eventually
decay to nourish the soil around it to help other plans and tress flourish.
I’ve heard stories of witness trees. These are trees that
are normally over one hundred years old that were standing during revolutions,
wars, major events, hangings, or other atrocities. Or, on a happier note, there
are trees that have witnessed people falling in love, making babies, having
lively conversations or passing important information along. One can only
imagine what a tree might say, if it could talk!
It’s a beautiful spring day. The trees are blooming and look
refreshing and new. It’s warming a bit so that it’s not so cold as before. It
would be nice to talk a walk out in the sunshine.
I choose to think positive thoughts; to read my book on the fascinating history of the Templars in Portugal; to help others by mentoring and to do other volunteer efforts which bring me joy. I started assisting my university alumni with offers of mentoring and immediately had a taker… the very next day. It was a pleasure to help this woman assess her current career situation and how to move forward according to her desired plan. These are all pro bono sessions but they provide me a venue for giving back and that brings me joy.
An old project management colleague
contacted me to be interviewed for an article that he was writing and I was
glad to assist. The piece was on the value and impact of various certifications
and as I have several very unusual ones, he chose me to be included. It was fun
to participate and wonderful to receive a digital copy of the finished product
several weeks later. More joy came to me in helping him.
Those that chose to stay in a negative place will be left behind. I can only help so much for it drains me if there is nothing ever coming back, nor appreciation; just chaos left in the ashes of my attempts to be of service. Thus, to those that are negative energy I say that I must detach from you all. It’s just too oppressive.
For there to be a friendship, it must be a two way street. The
same holds true for a relationship. Both parties must acknowledge their
participation otherwise, there is nothing? It’s all just a fantasy. I care about all the issues that other people
have but no one wants to listen to me or care about what is going on in my
life. Am I too independent? Too willing to take on the world? At some point, I have
to say that it’s enough and I’m going to stop being the world’s baby sitter, or
mother or care taker. I have to look out for myself and have proper boundaries.
So if your mood darkens and you refuse the light that I
offer, so be it. I can do no more. I will not be your psychologist to figure
out what’s going on with you. Only you can decide you want to figure all that
out and then it’s part of your soul’s journey to take the road ahead.
So here is where we part company. I choose to take the high
road, be positive and follow my path to be of service. My goal is to help souls
one by one to be all they can be in order to raise the vibration of the planet.
But each soul must move forward in his/her own way and in their own time.
It’s your decision now. What will it be? Will you stay behind in the darkness or come with me into the light? Comments are welcome.
Have you ever wondered about the nature of a relationship
that’s not going so well? Perhaps there is arguing, conflict, constant
negotiations or other types of negative interactions. Most relationships are
with and between adults, but they can also be with children. There is another
category of people who never matured into a fully functioning adult and remain
very childlike, perhaps even referring to themselves as having arrested
development whether in jest or not. As I’ve
been told by my psychology-oriented friend, this type of individual most likely
wasn’t properly nurtured during the prime young years and as a result, missed
out on a type of personal validation that’s required to develop a healthy sense
of self; thus, the impact is that they never really grow up. In other words, an
individual who didn’t have a mother or father really present in their life
(perhaps physically but not emotionally for lots of reasons) can remain in an
immature or childlike state. The dynamic
is more complicated than I’m presenting but is simplified for discussion. There
are many people who do grow up to be quite well adjusted even without childhood
nurturing, myself being one of them. I simply recognized where love was missing
and did a lot of inner child work. However, I’m not the norm.
Don’t get me wrong.
My parents did love me, but they came from an era where kids were seen and not
heard, my opinion wasn’t valued, I was greatly criticized, and never made to
feel important unless I was achieving. Ah ha! And as a result, one learns to be
an A type personality to overachieve in order to please one’s parents. But now,
I’m getting into a slightly different dynamic. Here, the individual is taking
on very adult qualities and perhaps way too much responsibility. Possibly, it’s
the two ends of a spectrum of not getting one’s needs met as a child.
So as far as this discussion is concerned, we can refer to
individuals who never really attain a proper sense of self, a man-child or
woman-child. They appear in an adult body but when provoked they revert to
temper tantrums and outbursts just like a child. If you are unlucky enough to
interact with one of these immature people, you may find that you are in an
entanglement full of chaos rather than a more normal type of relationship.
Since I believe that everyone comes into our life for a
reason, what types of lessons can one learn from interactions from a man-child
for example? As I’m a woman, I’ve had the experience of dealing with a
man-child. In fact, I actually felt like I was caring for my child. As I noted
above, taking on too much responsibility and not wanting to take on any are
polar opposites and attract. Could it be that my life lesson was to learn not
to be so very responsible for everyone else by the universe giving me someone
who would simply take and take and it would never be enough? He was an empty
well that could never be filled with enough love because he felt that he wasn’t
good enough to be loved (never forming a positive sense of self-worth as a
child). No matter what I tried to do to help this person in terms of working on
a resume for him to get a new job; showing him how to earn money with odd jobs
by actually going to the job site and waiting for him while he working on a
friend’s electrical that I set up for him or any of the other caring acts I did.
I felt like a soccer Mom waiting for her child to play the game. I sat for
hours so that this guy could make some money so that he’d feel better about
himself. I also went through the motions of caring for him in other ways by
feeding him meals, giving him t-shirts, socks or other articles of clothing
when he needed them and helping him buy presents for his family because
navigating a huge store like Target was too overwhelming. I’ve never had kids
but really felt like I had one during my “entanglement” with this guy.
Eventually, he left town and I felt like I was losing my child.
Of course, I had to have a serious talk with myself about
why I felt that way and where it was coming from. After considerable reflection
I realized the lesson in it for me. It was about learning unconditional love
and being the divine feminine. Being my polar opposite, he opposed me in many
ways. To do what I did for him, even though it caused me great consternation
many times, was an act of pure love, unlike any that I had known before. He
taught me a lot in our months together and for that I’m grateful. I know that
our soul contract is now complete and I’ve done all I can for him, now
recognizing that it’s time to let go and allow him to survive on his own. Much
like a parent allows her child to be a teenager then grow up; of course, this
may be impossible for him at this point in his life.
It was an entanglement, not a relationship of equals. Now I
can stand back and see it for what it is. I have the power of analysis and so
am sharing it to help others understand their lessons if they find themselves
in an entanglement. There are many types of entanglements, but if one looks
deep the answer to why it’s happening will appear.
Ever sit in front of a TV set that’s not turned on? There’s not much happening; it’s just a dark screen. One can stare at it for hours and wonder what kind of shows or other programs are on but really, it’s just in our minds. Until we turn on the set (as in establish the connection of the TV with the electricity that provides the source of the programming), we won’t get a signal. Well, our lives are really like this.
Do you remember the movie, the Avatar? Here’s a recap just in case to make my point; the blue almost human looking creatures all have long tails that seem to connect with other creatures that we’d call horses, just to simplify the discussion. As the tails were plugged into each other, the “connection” would allow both to sense what the other needed. Rather than the rider pulling on the reins or making noises, as one would expect in this plane of existence, in the land of Avatar, only thoughts are needed. One could say that the thoughts of the creatures would be conveyed through the connection; it was like an energetic transfer both of feeling and need – what and how it should be done. Later in the film, the humanoids would do the same thing, and while swaying back and forth one could imagine a large gathering of people singing Kumbayah. This plugging in was required in their world for a connection between beings.
Just like the TV set or the Avatar creatures, we as humans have a source that we need to plug into in order to function properly. One could say that we need to receive our programming as well as interconnect since we’re all made of the same divine energy. This divine energy comes from a divine source where our inner guidance system, our life lessons, both challenges and successes are all interwoven. Unless we make a decision to plug ourselves into this divine plug, we will just walk around in a daze, blindly performing our daily duties without much thought. Plugging in can be as simple as taking a meditation walk, sitting and asking for guidance, or the act of prayer. How will you plug in today?
Ever walk by an interesting tree and wonder about it? Old is It? Do animals live in its branches or inside part of its trunk? What stories could it tell you about people that have been walking by. Some trees are called witness trees because they’ve seen horrible events… or maybe two people got engaged under a tree. All of these are possibilities if a tree could tell you what it’s seen or heard.
What is precipitating this question for me? Recently there was a tree that fell across the walking path behind my townhome. As I stood looking at this huge brown tree devoid of leaves, essentially dead, it fell across the path, having fallen due to excessive rain, I wondered about its life.
After a heavy rain storm, I decided to get out and take a walk on my to find the path blocked by this fallen tree. For some strange reason I actually felt sorry for the tree, as it had come to the end of its life. Then I thought again. No, perhaps it was the end of its living life but in death it would provide a means of life to other creatures. Does that mean it continues on in another fashion?
Can we say the same thing about our own lives? When we end our physical lives and change our form do we continue on in another fashion and live life in another form ourselves? It might be another version of us; the spiritual version that is eternal just like the tree continues on even when it decays into bits of wood and then into bits of earth. It then becomes elements that give nourishment to plants and other living things. As we change form do we help other living things to flourish? Does the spirit inside us help others to flourish? I believe we can do so when we become spirit guides also known as guardian angels. This is when our souls choose to help others while we are in spirit form.
Just as this tree will one day provide a place for a nest for birds, a home for squirrels as well as mosquitoes or even other little creatures, we too can help other people thrive once we cross over.
Inspirational memoir capturing a love that extends beyond the veil of death, of care-giving, of the ravages of Alzheimer's Disease as well as a widow's restructuring her life after the only man she ever loved was gone. Buy safely via PayPal