Making Lemonade from Lemons

December 18, 2023

There is an adage about making lemonade from lemons. This is a great idea until it’s you that has the challenge in your path. Perhaps it’s an illness, the loss of a loved one, or a physical injury – for example. It could also be smaller occurrences such as not getting the raise that you expected, someone treating you in an unkind manner, or just missing a connection on a trip. It can be anything – when it happens to YOU, it’s different. It feels different and it really hits home because it is home. It’s YOU. This is normal. But how you react to these situations, both big and small, is what makes the difference in your life. In this article, I’m going to discuss these curveballs that life throws at us and how we may or may not react to them.

In my almost ¾ of a century on earth, I’m finding that making lemonade out of lemons is not so easy when it’s YOU that the lemons are happening to. When it’s my mother that has gotten sick and I must run around the country to take care of her. And then when it’s my mother that dies, it’s very difficult. I hear many people in my generation who have lost a parent, but not until it happened to ME, and I lost my MOTHER, did I really understand what it felt like. In addition, I didn’t understand how much I had to do to settle her accounts, etc. after she died. So, when other people told me about it, I just nodded my head. NOW I get it and will have more emotional intelligence and will provide more empathy to others when I hear this.

Other people get sick. Some get better and some don’t. They live with illness and others die. Some continue to go out dancing with this issue or that. When I hear about it, I say how sorry I am and then continue dancing. It isn’t me that has the problem. I feel bad that it’s happening to them, but there isn’t anything that I can do about their having this problem. Now, occasionally, I get stepped on, my toe might be bruised, or I might get a tendon torn in my foot. Over the many years that I’ve been a dancer (ballroom and tango), I’ve had several injuries. I’ve not fussed about it; neither have I asked for help. I went to the doctor and dealt with the consequences. Sometimes, I’ve had to have procedures that required me to stay  in the house for days at a time and I didn’t ask people to come over. Perhaps I was to stoic. Others don’t know that I’d like to have company and that I really don’t want to be alone so much. That said, I don’t like to bother people since I feel that others have their own stuff that they have to deal with. I’m not dying so I can carry on. I suppose if I really had to have a ride somewhere after a procedure, I’d try to get help, but I don’t ask – or haven’t as of yet.

So now I find out that after over dancing for a few months – having a good time – I finally got an MRI and it turns out that I have little tears in both hips. In addition, there is tendonitis down the back of both legs. Wow, I really did it to myself. I had pain and just told the doctor to give me the shots and she did. Now I have to pay the price. I stopped dancing except for once a week. I miss it and don’t have much to do in the house except watch GAIA videos about esoteric things. I enjoy the videos and I’m learning a lot of stuff. I have lots of fun facts to throw out at the table when I am around other people. My friends seldom have time to watch TV so they enjoy my tidbits.

So how can I turn this physical issue into lemonade? What could there possibly be that’s good about it? For one thing, it’s slowing me down. I have time to think about my mom’s passing in a healthy way, not just the busy stuff I had to do during the first few months after she died. I miss her a lot but was just vegetating in the house – then went crazy dancing. I realize the error of my ways now – one needs to do little exercises to keep all the muscles going and not just the big ones – like with Zumba and weight training. Exercise like Barre, Pilates and Yoga work the little muscles and tendons and keeping the body flexible to reduce the likelihood of injury. I know now I have to add these types of exercises into my routine.

I also realize that I have to have friendships beyond the social circle of just dance friends whom I know three things about and can ask how you are while dancing. I need social friends to just hang out with other than dancing. I have to widen my world.

In addition, I have to find another goal in life. For the last three years of my Mom’s life I cared for her and she was always in my thoughts – what I had to do for her or someone was calling me telling me that she fell, etc. Now there is a big hole that I have to fill with a new direction. I have many years left and need to be productive – not in a working sense, just as a human being. I want to help others, be of service in some way so I need to find my next volunteer situation.

So how does one make lemonade out of lemons? Start from the beginning, figure out what the lesson is and go from there. The answers always come.

Comments and questions are always welcome.  

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My version of “The Notebook”

July 27, 2023

It’s understandable that parents don’t tell their kids everything about their lives when they were young, nor even everything that happens on a daily basis. But once they are gone, to find papers or in the movie, The Notebook, to find a volume that tells a story that no one else besides the characters knew about it, is pretty amazing. This is my version of The Notebook.

To set the stage, I was caregiver for my mother for the last 2.5 years of her life. My brother died during the pandemic and very shortly thereafter I went out to California, leaving my Virginia home for 10 months to directly tend to the needs of my mother. She didn’t want me to know how sick he was, that he wasn’t coming to visit her, that she was left to figure out how to get food via a guy that went grocery shopping for her, etc. etc. By the time I took over she was ten pounds under weight and not in good shape at all. She needed major dental work ($6,000) and lots of new clothes due to the lost weight. Of course, with my healthy cooking, vitamin program and general attention to her needs, she returned to her normal weight and for her age, vigor. I felt good about this and we enjoyed our time together. It wasn’t all fun. I cooked, cleaned, took her to the doctor and dealt with all of her needs. In addition, I found the weather there an issue in itself, especially when the temperature hit 120F. At that point, I told my mother that it was time for me to return to Virginia and my own home. I left the decision on her moving up to her. At this point, faced with living alone or coming with me, she chose the latter. I packed her up and moved as much of her things as would fit into her new place as I could.

It was a research project to find a wonderful senior building for her with lots of activities, quality dining room, and people with whom she could chat away. She also loved the porch to sit and look, not at palm trees as she did in California, but the greenery of Virginia. It was interesting to note, that my mom was now back in the state where she grew up. She started and ended her life in Virginia.

My mother lasted another year and a half until she passed due to a short illness. I did what I could to extend her life every day that was possible; providing people, activities and dealing with her needs. Anything she wanted I bought for her. That said, we didn’t do a lot of talking to each other. During this time, I mainly would visit and told her about what was going on in my life. I knew people and places that she’d experienced but not everything that ever happened to her. Every morning that I didn’t visit, I called and asked how she was doing? Then she asked how I was doing? That’s about the extent of our conversations. What came next really surprised me.

Once my mother died, I had to pack up her apartment, prepare for the funeral and send her body out to California for burial. I was operating on automatic putting one foot in front of the other, barely having time to process what was happening.

Only now, three months later, did I finally get to the packet of papers that together are the remnants of the memoir writing class that Mom took 10 years ago. The teacher in the class provided the students prompts and then each participant wrote a few sentences for paragraphs based on this idea to get them started. At that time, my mother told me that she was taking this class. She even read me a few of her writings over the phone, since she was living alone in California, being quite independent at the time. But to discover these writings now is blowing me away. You see, some of what she wrote, I didn’t know about. Such as her pet dog and what happened to him; or what her father, my grandfather did when he first came to the USA; there were other stories about how she loved the idea of being a teacher and role-played as a child. I knew that she taught school (yes, she became a teacher) but I didn’t know that it had been her dream to do so. As I read these papers, and there are many pages, I have to allow time to digest each one. Each one tells a story that I didn’t know about my mother. Details of her life that I’m finding out now, after she’s gone. Stories that she never told me, but she’s telling me now.

What’s even stranger, is boxes of shoes that I have in my closest are falling down. I pick them up and put them back and they fall down again. The same 3 boxes in a row fall down. I put them back up. Finally, I said, “Ma are you doing this? If you are stop and I’ll know that it’s you”. The boxes still came down. So, I tried putting one box back and it stayed. Then I put two boxes back and they stayed. I haven’t tried the three boxes yet, but I believe they will stay now. I believe that my mother is seeing how much I miss her, how I talk to her, look at her pictures over the years wondering where the years went, how my life has passed and she’s telling me that she’s here still watching over me. She doesn’t want me to be so upset. She wants me to carry on with my life, stoically as she always did. I’m not as strong as she was. No matter what happened, she carried on. Probably a leftover from the Depression. I miss her. There were things in our relationship that were broken but I did what I could to take care of her, to be kind, loving and a good daughter. In the end, she told me that I had been a good daughter and that she loved me.

What more can one ask for? Finding out these stories is just like The Notebook. It changes your life to find out things about a loved one after they die. It’s like they are continuing to talk to you.

As always, comments are always welcome.

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Remembering our Godly Soul

November 9, 2022

I recently started taking a class with the Rabbi’s wife in addition to the ladies’ bible study in which I’ve been participating for many years. This new class concerns a very special book called the Tanya, written at the end of the 18th century by the founder of the Chasidic sect of Judaism. In our first class this past Wednesday, we learned that there are two souls – one is called the animal soul which governs out instincts and our nature/ego while the other soul is concerned the aspect that connects us to the divine will. So, when we are doing things for others but for a selfish intent, it’s still part of the animal soul. Likewise, when we sit quietly and ask how we should be used to serve others or even how doing the laundry can become a divine task, then we are using our Godly soul. Although I’ve studied this concept before, I felt that I needed a refresher due to an incident that happened a couple days before.

Like most events in life, things happen for a reason; at the time it may seem like it’s just an action/reaction situation. Upon later reflection, however, we may find that there’s a deeper meaning to the scenario. Here’s the high level version, and of course, my side of the story.

So, what happened? I came home from an exercise class to find some young children playing with a very large ball in the middle of my street. Normally, over the many years that I’ve lived in my townhouse neighborhood, on the rare occasion when children are playing in the street, they normally are with an adult – either a parent or a guardian of one type or another. But this time, the kids were playing alone. (As I’d learn later, their father was inside their house.) The kids didn’t move as my car approached which meant that I had to stop for them and, in fact, they took their good old time getting out of the way. I was very surprised at this behavior making me feel like I was inconveniencing them to not obstruct traffic; rather, it was implied that the street was their right and I was a nuisance that could just wait for them.  I take issue with kids that have no respect for adults and this situation was not going over well with me from the start. First, was the playing in the street without adult supervision and the second thing was ignoring the right of way of a car to drive down the street for the driver to get home.

Once in my driveway and safety parked in my garage, I walked back to where the kids were and said, “it would be safer for you all to play down the end of the street”, to which they just ignored me. I really wasn’t surprised since they had taken an attitude when they say my car initially. Apparently, they were being raised to believe that they were the center of the universe by their parents, so of course, every one else needs to yield for them. I’ve seen this behavior before and it produces adults with no sense of responsibility so I really hate to see it in children. I have family members that were held up to the light when young and now they are a gift from God… and have no respect for the rest of the family. It’s a shame what has happened over the last few years and has hurt me terribly. That said, I was really triggered by these kids.

Then I said, “Where is your mother?” to which I got a “She’s not home.” But they didn’t tell me that their father was home. A few minutes later I got a pounding at my door. When I went down the stairs, I saw a huge man furiously angry wound up and ready for bear as the expression goes who said, “How dare you speak to my children like that?”. Really, like what? Concerned for their welfare that they shouldn’t play in the street and that it would be safer to play down the end of the street.

He wasn’t interested in what actually happened because his kids had said that I took pictures of them, which I didn’t and it isn’t against the law anyway. However, he was hostile, abusive and threatening to say the least. And this wasn’t the end. I made the mistake to post on the neighborhood information board not realizing that his wife had no time to monitor the kids, nor take them to the neighborhood park play ground only one block away, but had lots of time to monitor this information board. In just a few days, there were 65 comments to which she replied to each one in turn stating her opposing view. I was amazed. It wasn’t difficult to figure out which one she was and even a few days later she contacted me directly.

At that point, I knew I needed to know my legal position, so I contacted the local police department non-emergency number. The really nice police lady was totally supportive, told me that I’d done nothing wrong and that this crazy family had no recourse against me legally but that if it should happen again, I should call the police at which point the parents would be told to keep the kids out of the street – private road or not. I definitely felt better after this conversation since the contact with this crazy lady had taken me off balance.

I went for a walk around the lake near home. As I walked over the foot bridge around some people, I accidentally walked too far to the right, and my foot slipped causing me to fall down on my side. Some really nice people came to my aide while others just kept on walking. I sat there for a few minutes questioning the meaning of the situation and received guidance that there are nice people in the world and some that just aren’t very nice. It was up to me to surround myself with people of a higher vibration – those of the light, and stay clear of those with a lower vibration – those in the darkness.

When I felt better, I stood up, finished my walk and came home with more resolve to limit my access to people in the light. I deleted my original post and realized I had allowed myself to use my animal soul – my ego had gotten in the way and that I had to reconnect to the light. The fall was the wakeup call – to shake me to remember who I am as a spiritual being. It really worked. Nothing was broken, but I did have to stay in for the weekend recuperating and allowing the swelling on my ankle to go down. I was very lucky that I didn’t get hurt any worse. I learned my lesson to stay connected to my Godly Soul. Sometimes we have to get shaken up to learn our lessons.

Comments are always welcome.

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Resilience

August 21, 2022

The definition of the word resilience is the ability to be flexible in all kinds of situations; in other words, to be able to weather the various storms of life. My Mom, at 95 years of age, is a wonderful example of resilience. She is a real example to me of how to just allow the world to be whatever it’s going to be and life within it. Why I feel this way is the subject of this article.

My Mom was born in 1927, just a couple years before the Great Depression. Therefore, her parents had to live through the Great Depression. She grew up during a time when what had been for sure, wasn’t any longer. This country had known prosperity for quite a while and then suddenly it all came crashing down. We’ve learned since then to be more careful with investing in the stock market (or many of us have learned this lesson, but not all!). In any case, these were uncertain times that required those that lived through it to be flexible.

In addition, my mom was born just a decade after the Pandemic of 1918 – otherwise known as the Spanish Flu. Millions of people died leaving only the strongest to survive. With no vaccine and only cotton masks, people self-isolated and did their best to wash their hands with little more that they could do. Only those with a relatively strong immune system lived through this time. My Mom’s parents (my grandparents). did and they gave this immunity to my mother.

A third point is that my grandparents were either newly arrived in this country or the first generation here. They were immigrants making their way in a new place, willing to do hard work to survive. My mother’s father was a merchant, making his living from ownership of various businesses that he created – a gas station and then a furniture store. Both were successful enough to support the family at that time.

Thus, my mom had good genes as they say and she gave those genes to me. As time goes on and I get older I reflect on just how much my mom has passed her resilience on to me. I watch how she adapts to changes in her life with relative ease. When my brothers and I graduated from high school and moved on, she started working as a substitute teacher using the degree, she obtained many years before. Eventually, she earned first her teaching certificate and then her masters from an exceptionally fine university – that of John Hopkins in Baltimore. I still get the newsletter and magazine from them as I now receive all my mom’s mail since I’m her guardian at this late stage in her life. I know how difficult it is to workday time and then attend classes in the evening since I earned my graduate degree while working (from the University of Maryland in Technology Management).

It was not easy for me and I am sure it wasn’t easy for her either; but I never heard her speak of it. She just did it in her classic style. That is the way people who were brought up during the depression are; I have no way of knowing for sure, but it just seems that way to me. Those were challenging times and people had to adapt or not make it through. When I was cleaning out her apartment to move her from California to Virginia, her graduation certificate was there. I had never seen it. My mom had just gotten it and then put it away. When I think of all the visits to my home in Baltimore and never once did she say, “I just graduated from Johns Hopkins University with my masters in liberal arts; do you want to see my graduate certificate?” I can assure you that I would have been immensely proud and would have wanted others to know about it. Wait a second, now that I think back, when I did graduate with my graduate certificate I was married, and we were moving from one house to another, and I don’t think I made any kind of special thing about it. At the time, I just completed my coursework and did not even bother with the ceremony. The more I think about it, the more I realize that, I’m very much like my mother.

How else is my mom resilient? Last October, Mom fell in her apartment and the staff called me to come over as she was badly bruised. I went over and took her to the nearby ER. After being in the ER for several hours, the doctors decided to admit Mom to the hospital where she stayed for four days. During this time, I spent the entire day with her watching the nurses and doctors coming in/out of her room with lots of electronic documents for me to sign. Of course, I had no idea what I was signing away. Does anyone these days? The staff points to a line and tells you to sign and you do it. I tried to read what I was signing but the language isn’t really understandable by a normal human being even with all my degrees. Of course, it’s meant to be that way. If you understood what you were signing, you would not do it. Undoubtedly, you are giving away your rights to any compensation if the staff screws up. In any case, after four days of every test known to man except the ones that make sense – like an EKG, Mom said, “I want to go home”. So, I told one of the nurses, “ok, you have one hour to get my mom ready as I’m taking her home”. And they did. At that point, Mom said, “Do not put me in the hospital”. My reply was, “So don’t fall and don’t get sick”.

Months passed and my mother was going downhill. She was not coherent and seemed to sleep a lot. I was preparing for her demise. So, I decided to talk to her soul and I said, “It’s a lot of trouble for me to take care of you, so either be here or leave”. She looked at me and said, “You’re right”. After that she came out of wherever she had been and started getting better day by day. Her soul decided to stay for awhile longer. During this time, I got her a care worker first 3 days a week and then 4 days a week, not so much because she needed that much care, but more to keep her company. Yes, it is an expensive adult play mate, but it did the trick. I visit during the week also, but she really likes having someone around. And on Saturday, I have a guy come over for therapeutic exercise and massage. She likes Robert and thinks he is cute (no, she’s not dead yet). So, whatever he costs, it’s worth it.

We are fortunate to have the means for this type of care. I’m certainly glad that I’ve saved for the eventuality that I’ll need extensive care towards the end of my life. Meanwhile, I exercise as much as I can to stay strong and healthy.

On a final note, Mom continues to surprise me. I called the other evening to check on her with no answer. After three tries I called the staff getting worried asking the night duty person to check on her. When I called back, he told me that my mother had gone to the movie down the hall. Go MOM!

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The downside of too much control

September 27, 2021

I grew up with depression-era parents where our opinion was neither asked for nor tolerated. We were ruled with an iron hand and expected to obey without question. I was scared to death of my father and although not as much of my mother, she had her ways of making me pay for not listening to her. She would get upset with me at the slightest provocation and wouldn’t speak to me like she did before my wedding. Forget that it’s supposed to be the happiest time in a young woman’s life, that’s just how my Mom was, and still is, frankly. You just didn’t want to get on the wrong side of her. So I really get that the next generation, raised by similar types of parents would allow the pendulum, so to speak, to swing the other way.

Misbehaving

So what are the up and the down side of this type of child raising? Certainly it’s a great idea to promote well-being in a child. Regardless of the child’s IQ or physical ability, he or she should be encouraged to do their best to succeed in life. Success should be judged individually and not against a yard stick of others. There will always be someone faster, smarter or slimmer out there, so what is this child good at? Perhaps they are kind, willing to share or a born leader. They may not be the best reader or understand calculus. We should promote and encourage each child for what they bring into this world. I saw an amazing story the other day about a beautiful woman born without legs. She was actually adopted by truly loving parents who supported her being the best she could be and she didn’t let them down. Her friends accepted that she was just a smaller version of what they knew as a person but she is really beautiful. This girl grew up not knowing limitations and went on to excel in acrobatics. Seeing her perform on the internet not only made me smile, it gave me a great sense of awe in the world we live in. She had beauty inside and out. So here is an example of supporting a child and having it work out.

There are many similar examples of parents teaching their kids to be self-sufficient and growing into productive, highly functioning adults that accept responsibility in the world. But what can go wrong when parents treat their kids as if the child is the center of the universe? We’ve all experienced the screaming kid in the restaurant where the parent is hardly noticing while the rest of the diners try to look away or somehow quickly finish their own meals to leave. It’s so annoying to listen to loud voices in a restaurant of any kind, let alone a screaming kid. One goes out to dinner to enjoy a meal otherwise, well, just stay home. Then there’s the similar situation on a plane. I’ve had very long flights where young children are either crying or fighting with each other while the parents don’t do any kind of productive parenting. When we were kids, we were given Dramamine and simply slept during the trip. It was better for everyone involved. If anyone disagrees with me, feel free to express your opinion since I’m certainly expressing mine.

So what else can happen when kids are given too much free rein? Well, in the case of my brother’s kids, they grew up with wonderful athletic skills as well as doing quite well in the academic department also. They were surrounded by friends and as they came from good looking parents they had no trouble finding boy/girl-friends. Thus by most standards they were good kids, doing well in school, getting good grades and being quite popular. So what happened when they hit the real world? Well, here’s where things get a bit dicey. Since just about everything had been done for them for way beyond the beginning of adulthood (normally, when kids graduate from college they go off to start their own careers and also pay for their own apartments/homes, food, clothing, cars, etc.) As their parents could afford it, the kids continued to get their way paid for and to have their way with most things well into the next decade. When they hit a snag, like the girl had an argument with her long-time boyfriend, she just left him. If I said anything to her that she didn’t like, even casually, she’d act really snippy with me. And the boy began to exhibit extreme anger tendencies when things didn’t go his way, even to the point of personal attacks reminiscent of a much younger person. In other words, they were both rather emotionally immature because they didn’t learn much from the school of hard knocks. Their parents had so protected them from the world, when the world finally came in around them, they kind of failed the test from my vantage point. That’s not to say that they will never learn, but they haven’t learned yet.

If it seems that I have an axe to grind, you are correct, but I won’t air my dirty laundry. The general idea is enough for you to get my point. Too much control isn’t good just as too little control isn’t either. Like most things in life, we need to find balance.

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Fine line between love and hate

June 10, 2021

Have you ever noticed how fine the line is between love and hate? People can be married for many years and suddenly get divorced hating each other. Normally, one assumes there is love when people marry. So how does the transition to hate occur? There are many answers to this question. In this blog article I will tackle a few of them including: a sudden incident, a gradual loss of connection, and finally, it was a mistake in the first place.

Let’s take the first cause of sudden disinterest in a marriage or relationship. (Perhaps one party changes with age, or there could be a situation that brings out extreme anger, rage or signs of abuse exciting fear on the other partner. Inappropriate intimacies with others can excite betrayal. Such strong emotions are very difficult to overcome and even if excused, often cause love to turn sour…and also, to hate.

Love Hate Computer Keys Shows Emotion Anger And Conflict

Taking a step back for the moment, it’s important to understand what emotions come from the second, third and fourth chakras. Fear (2nd chakra) and love (4th chakra) are opposing energies and cannot coexist. So if one is operating, the other will not be. In other words, fear and love cannot be present at the same time. Once a person begins to fear for safety of self or their integrity (as in betrayal) love is sure to die and to do so rather quickly. So second chances are rare and rarely succeed. The answer is to not do it! Think first or risk the relationship. Meanwhile, the third chakra is the seat of one’s personal power. Thus, if there is little energy in this solar plexus area, then the person feels the victim or without power. If there is too much energy in this area, then the person may be a power person or when taken to the extreme, a manipulator, narcissist, or bully over using one’s power.  

Unfortunately, I’ve had experiences with most of these situations including feeling powerless, a victim and even being bullied. Luckily, I learned from each of them and came out stronger. Not everyone is capable of coming into their authentic self to own their power, and be able to love without fear.  The more we do our “homework”, that is, work through our personal issues, the stronger we become in each of our chakras. The goal is to be as balanced as possible. Even love can be too strong wherein we give out too much forgetting ourselves.

The heart is like an emotional bank account with withdrawals when others are mean to us or we give freely to be of service. We then need to take in emotional support and loving kindness in order to balance out this heart energy. I’m providing just the tip of the discussion here but enough for you to get the idea. Don’t give so much that you get depleted or you will get overdrawn, just like your financial bank account would be.

Here’s a story of a situation that happened recently. A woman went to visit a guy friend who wasn’t finished with his routine weekend chores. Rather than stop his activities when she arrived, he insisted upon keeping her waiting another hour past their agreed meeting time. She was a bit aggravated but kept silent about it. She tried to lighten him up by joking around as he seemed so tense about getting things done. As she leaned into to him, his arms flew up in a protective stance – one that a man would take if he was concerned for his safety. This maneuver was totally unnecessary since the woman was much smaller than the man. None the less his arm hit her in the face knocking her on her nose. She was not only stunned by his behavior, she was really physically hurt. He never said he was sorry.

As she was reeling and dizzy from the strike to her face, she stayed in his house for the next few hours while he watched tv and ate dinner. She quietly planned how she would leave so as not to cause any trouble. Eventually, she felt well enough to make excuses and leave. When she did so, he said nothing and watched her walk out. It was only the next day that he realized that he’d just about ruined his chances with this woman and began to beg her to forgive him. She wanted no part of it. And so it went for a week. Eventually, she felt bad for him and gave him a reprieve but only on probation to monitor his behavior. The relationship lasted a few more weeks and then she ended it for good realizing that she could be in her power and not live in fear that he could be violent again.

The next reason is loss of connection. This can happen at any stage of a relationship. Perhaps people get started based on physical attraction and then really get to know each other finding there is little in common. Or what was in common loses interest. Sometimes people get together for the wrong reasons, like over an activity that one partner no longer wishes to pursue. There are many reasons for falling out including just getting older and changing.

The last reason – it was a mistake in the first place often happens when the couple is too young, there is too big an age gap, the financial circumstances are very different, some cultural norm is very different or there isn’t agreement on how it is to be handled, etc. Sometimes people come together to work out karma and the lessons are done; hence the basis for the relationship is done. I’ve experienced this one a number of times.

One thing I can say for sure: if two people come together and feel strongly about a relationship, there is a reason for it. It may be for a time, for a season or for a lifetime. Only you and your divine essence know. Your comments are always welcome.

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Posted by intuitivelifecoachjoanne

Why did you leave me?

March 15, 2021

From what I’ve read there are a number of states that people go through after losing a loved one including denial and anger among others. A few months ago I had to put my dear cat Skylar to sleep after many years of caring for him. It was a heart breaking  experience to look for ;hope one day and take him to be euthanized the next.

Making that kind of decision is beyond expression. From the vet’s office I went to the crematorium to part with my little boy forever. I returned several days later to pick up his ashes and prepared his final resting place near my home. As I was about to conduct his funeral, I got the call that my brother, long suffering from cancer, had passed that morning without awakening from a coma he’d been in for the past week.   Why did you leave me?

Within two weeks after my brother’s passing I was on a plane to the west coast to stay with my mother, my initial thinking was that I’d stay for a while, take her to the cemetery and do a service for him since she’d been excluded due to the pandemic and just figure out long range care for her. However, once I arrived, the situation quickly changed. I soon realized that my brother’s family was hidding the fact that he’d gotten Covid from them and they wanted me to leave, but their agenda was unclear. Although their motives can be surmised I can’t prove them. I accepted their rude behavior over the years when we’d get to get her and I’d be left out of conversations attributing it to not living  nearby, however I now realize my inner notion that my sister in law just had no use for me is clear. Its all about control and money. Its very sad really. She just lost her husband and has his estate and details to occupy her yet she monitors my where a bouts, my car, and has my nephew bring in other external people to try to take over insisting that I’m not taking proper care of my own mother. She doesn’t have enough on her own plate? One would think she’d be glad to have someone else here to care for Her husband’s mother as she works and is shutting down his business. Unless it’s not about my Mom but about her money. Oh now we have it, although she inherited mucho from my brother….. what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine too!! No?

Unfortunately,  I’m now caring for my Mother in a way that represents me taking responsibility for her much as a role reversal,  which, of course feels very strange.  I’m doing her laundry, making meals and taking care of other daily details of life. Meanwhile I have a woman  looking in on my own house back home. It’s four months now with no end in sight.

I keep asking my brother now in spirit why he left me with such evil people at my heels making my life so miserable? I have great responsibility and yet have such burdens on top of it.

And in the quiet moments I think of my little boy Skylar and miss him. He tells me that he’s ok and no longer in pain in that little body he had. Surprisingly enough my brother agrees that his wife is not acting properly and he agrees with the defensive actions that I’m forced to take.

Why did you leave me….with this mess??

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Posted by intuitivelifecoachjoanne