Time to take a stand for oneself!

April 16, 2019

It’s a beautiful spring day. The trees are blooming and look refreshing and new. It’s warming a bit so that it’s not so cold as before. It would be nice to talk a walk out in the sunshine.

I choose to think positive thoughts; to read my book on the fascinating history of the Templars in Portugal; to help others by mentoring and to do other volunteer efforts which bring me joy. I started assisting my university alumni with offers of mentoring and immediately had a taker… the very next day. It was a pleasure to help this woman assess her current career situation and how to move forward according to her desired plan. These are all pro bono sessions but they provide me a venue for giving back and that brings me joy.

An old project management colleague contacted me to be interviewed for an article that he was writing and I was glad to assist. The piece was on the value and impact of various certifications and as I have several very unusual ones, he chose me to be included. It was fun to participate and wonderful to receive a digital copy of the finished product several weeks later. More joy came to me in helping him.

Those that chose to stay in a negative place will be left behind. I can only help so much for it drains me if there is nothing ever coming back, nor appreciation; just chaos left in the ashes of my attempts to be of service. Thus, to those that are negative energy I say that I must detach from you all. It’s just too oppressive.

For there to be a friendship, it must be a two way street. The same holds true for a relationship. Both parties must acknowledge their participation otherwise, there is nothing? It’s all just a fantasy.  I care about all the issues that other people have but no one wants to listen to me or care about what is going on in my life. Am I too independent? Too willing to take on the world? At some point, I have to say that it’s enough and I’m going to stop being the world’s baby sitter, or mother or care taker. I have to look out for myself and have proper boundaries.

So if your mood darkens and you refuse the light that I offer, so be it. I can do no more. I will not be your psychologist to figure out what’s going on with you. Only you can decide you want to figure all that out and then it’s part of your soul’s journey to take the road ahead.

So here is where we part company. I choose to take the high road, be positive and follow my path to be of service. My goal is to help souls one by one to be all they can be in order to raise the vibration of the planet. But each soul must move forward in his/her own way and in their own time.

It’s your decision now. What will it be? Will you stay behind in the darkness or come with me into the light? Comments are welcome.


Entanglement or Relationship?

March 28, 2019

Have you ever wondered about the nature of a relationship that’s not going so well? Perhaps there is arguing, conflict, constant negotiations or other types of negative interactions. Most relationships are with and between adults, but they can also be with children. There is another category of people who never matured into a fully functioning adult and remain very childlike, perhaps even referring to themselves as having arrested development whether in jest or not.  As I’ve been told by my psychology-oriented friend, this type of individual most likely wasn’t properly nurtured during the prime young years and as a result, missed out on a type of personal validation that’s required to develop a healthy sense of self; thus, the impact is that they never really grow up. In other words, an individual who didn’t have a mother or father really present in their life (perhaps physically but not emotionally for lots of reasons) can remain in an immature or childlike state.  The dynamic is more complicated than I’m presenting but is simplified for discussion. There are many people who do grow up to be quite well adjusted even without childhood nurturing, myself being one of them. I simply recognized where love was missing and did a lot of inner child work. However, I’m not the norm.  

Entanglement

Don’t get me wrong. My parents did love me, but they came from an era where kids were seen and not heard, my opinion wasn’t valued, I was greatly criticized, and never made to feel important unless I was achieving. Ah ha! And as a result, one learns to be an A type personality to overachieve in order to please one’s parents. But now, I’m getting into a slightly different dynamic. Here, the individual is taking on very adult qualities and perhaps way too much responsibility. Possibly, it’s the two ends of a spectrum of not getting one’s needs met as a child.

So as far as this discussion is concerned, we can refer to individuals who never really attain a proper sense of self, a man-child or woman-child. They appear in an adult body but when provoked they revert to temper tantrums and outbursts just like a child. If you are unlucky enough to interact with one of these immature people, you may find that you are in an entanglement full of chaos rather than a more normal type of relationship.

Since I believe that everyone comes into our life for a reason, what types of lessons can one learn from interactions from a man-child for example? As I’m a woman, I’ve had the experience of dealing with a man-child. In fact, I actually felt like I was caring for my child. As I noted above, taking on too much responsibility and not wanting to take on any are polar opposites and attract. Could it be that my life lesson was to learn not to be so very responsible for everyone else by the universe giving me someone who would simply take and take and it would never be enough? He was an empty well that could never be filled with enough love because he felt that he wasn’t good enough to be loved (never forming a positive sense of self-worth as a child). No matter what I tried to do to help this person in terms of working on a resume for him to get a new job; showing him how to earn money with odd jobs by actually going to the job site and waiting for him while he working on a friend’s electrical that I set up for him or any of the other caring acts I did. I felt like a soccer Mom waiting for her child to play the game. I sat for hours so that this guy could make some money so that he’d feel better about himself. I also went through the motions of caring for him in other ways by feeding him meals, giving him t-shirts, socks or other articles of clothing when he needed them and helping him buy presents for his family because navigating a huge store like Target was too overwhelming. I’ve never had kids but really felt like I had one during my “entanglement” with this guy. Eventually, he left town and I felt like I was losing my child.

Of course, I had to have a serious talk with myself about why I felt that way and where it was coming from. After considerable reflection I realized the lesson in it for me. It was about learning unconditional love and being the divine feminine. Being my polar opposite, he opposed me in many ways. To do what I did for him, even though it caused me great consternation many times, was an act of pure love, unlike any that I had known before. He taught me a lot in our months together and for that I’m grateful. I know that our soul contract is now complete and I’ve done all I can for him, now recognizing that it’s time to let go and allow him to survive on his own. Much like a parent allows her child to be a teenager then grow up; of course, this may be impossible for him at this point in his life.

It was an entanglement, not a relationship of equals. Now I can stand back and see it for what it is. I have the power of analysis and so am sharing it to help others understand their lessons if they find themselves in an entanglement. There are many types of entanglements, but if one looks deep the answer to why it’s happening will appear.

Comments or questions are welcome.


Call to Action

March 12, 2019

Have you ever been in bed and had ideas pop into your head? Perhaps it’s the list of what to do that day or a shopping list of activities that need to be done over time. Well, for me, I had an idea – that was almost totally conceptualized creep into my waking moments around the early part of this month and just wouldn’t let go. For days I had the same thoughts that I should create a non-profit community group aimed at making the world a better place using the energy of tango dancers. Ok, so why tango dancers? My two passions are helping to make the world a better place – or more esoterically put, raising the vibration of the planet; the other is dancing tango. The creative idea that hatched in my head used both these thoughts – tango dancing and bringing light to the world. No small task; or what many have told me when I started to talk about it, “good luck with that!”

In terms of creating a community action group, I was totally in unfamiliar territory. I seriously had no clue where to start, so I began where I always do when I don’t know – I decided to ask other people who might know. So just like any other creative project that I’ve tackled over the years, I decided to do information interviews with key influencers, who could eventually become stakeholders in this new venue. I selected friends, tango dance friends, friends of tango dance friends, people that tango dance friends knew, and so on. It wasn’t long before I had lots of people to interview and plenty of, “good luck with that” answers as well as a few good pointers along the way. I knew I would have my hands full with this activity, if it was even really viable.

After about a week of these interviews, I went to a tango dance wherein I realized that just the next week, this particular organizer was holding an anniversary dance. I quickly decided to hold a first fundraising asking permission to use their venue with the caveat that it wouldn’t impact their collected fees.  The organizer owned the space and was all about helping charity especially if it didn’t cost them anything.

The next day I set up a Facebook page for my new group which I named, Tango for Change.  Within hours one of my dance friends put a donate button on my personal page (not the new page), OH MY NOW WHAT?? So I had to figure out what to do. When you’re new at something, often times it doesn’t go smoothly the first time you go at it. Alright, I just went along with it and “SHARED” the fundraiser which had been created on my personal page to the Tango for Change page. This was a bit awkward but it was sufficient to have a few people donate. I had to work at it but by the end of the week, the initial modest goal of $200 was raised.

That night, the actual date of the fundraiser, I simply put out a decorated spaghetti keeper with a ribbon indicating the charity (a homeless shelter in the area) and with my encouragement around the room, another $83 was raised. Wow, it was hard work, but in less than 2 weeks the idea was hatched, created and implemented (with $283 going to my first charity). More on my new group as it progresses, but other than being exhausted from being emotionally trained, I’m pretty happy with the result. Now to keep the momentum going! (Of course, what you give out you get back multiplied!) So PLEASE like my new Tango for Change Facebook page to show support!!!


Every year above ground is good

January 24, 2019

When you remember someone that has passed, are there funny sayings or mannerisms that come to mind? In the case of my father, I always remember what he used to say when I asked him about his getting another year older and his practical response, “every day above ground is a good day”. So each year when I’d ask him, “Daddy, how does it feel to be 85, or 86, etc.?” “He’d reply, every year above ground is a good year”. Even though I knew what the response would be, I continued to ask him every year until there wasn’t a response. He passed the day after his 90th birthday and he wasn’t able to talk on his special day.

What is the alternative? If one is not above ground, then obviously, one is not alive. But to live, really live means to be more than just above ground and room temperature. This is the lesson for this article. Sometimes I feel like life is moving so fast that there isn’t time to do more than just keep up. When I thought about all the things I had to do today and realized that I was tired, I decided to just take a nap. Once I woke up I realized that none of the really important things that I had on my list were important at all. If none of them got done, it was really ok. In the overall scheme of the universe, none of it was important.

So what is important? When we are above ground, during our living years as the song goes, we should aim to make each day count, but for what? What’s really important? Some possible answers are to be a good person, to love, to help others, and to learn our lessons. Now you might ask how one knows what their lessons are? I’ve written many articles about life lessons so it’s not an easy answer here except to say that we have to pay attention to what happens in our lives and do our best to follow the path that’s best for us. Sometimes what’s best is not what we really wish to do. When I think about my father, he was always busy with hobbies and studying things. He valued education and taught us to do the same. He also valued hard work, probably a product of his depression-era younger years; although still a good foundation for him and a good legacy he gave to his children.

We each have to figure out how to use the time we have above ground and make sure that every day above ground is a good day.


Angels on my Shoulder

December 10, 2018

During my recent trip to Portugal I had several experiences where I felt that synchronicity was at play to the extent that it must be my angels at work helping me. The story I’m going to relate in this article is that of my day trip to the historic town of Sintra, where just when I needed help, it was available to me.

After several attempts to take a group tour on this particular Saturday during my vacation failed, I decided to go it alone. Armed with travel brochures, internet information on the key sights, and information of what not to miss, I left my hotel about 8:30 am with a very positive outlook. I had already mastered the metro system to the point of knowing where the nearest stop was and where to get off, but I didn’t know how to find the connecting train station for the out of town trip to Sintra. Buying the ticket was easy at the ticket booth which was manned with a live person, asking in English is a forte of mine as I don’t speak Portuguese.

angelThe next step was to get off the metro and find the train station. I started to inquire of my fellow metro passengers who either didn’t understand me or didn’t know. This was strange to me since it was with in a short walk of the metro stop. Everything is different when one is in another country and not familiar. On the third try I happened upon a family with an elderly gentleman who seemed to be the local resident and the others, the visitors. In asking this group about the location of the train station, I discovered they were from Poland. I chimed in that my heritage is Polish as my Mother’s father came from Poland in the early 1900s, a town called Silencia. To my surprise, I was told that they came from this same place. I was asking for help from people of my heritage land! As we got off the metro, the elderly gentleman, most likely their father, speaking no English but made to understand my goal from his relatives, pointed the way to the train station. Yes! Mission accomplished!

Having my ticket in hand I quickly found my train on the track already arrived. I barely made it into a seat before the train left so my timing was quite good. As I settled in the seat I had found after searching for one up and down several cars, I noticed French spoken near me.

 In my usual brilliant way, I asked the young woman closest to me “are you from France?” She replied, “yes, we are from Lyon”, referring to the 3 couples in her group. This brief introduction began a conversation about our day in Sintra and planned itineraries. After hearing about the place I wanted to see they changed  their plan and decided to join me. I was thrilled. We all got off the train together and for the next 6 hours became a new unit, wherein I was treated like one of them… something like being an adopted Mom. The young woman had left her 8 month old baby at home for this weekend away with her Mom so perhaps she was in a very nurturing mode.

It turned into a wonderful day for me, where at first I thought I’d be alone I was accompanied by a nice group of friendly people all day while touring interesting sights. We even stopped and had tea together. It was a very warm feeling to chat and interact with these young people for the day. About 3pm we parted company as our desires changed… with me wanting to view the inside of the Pena Palace and their only wanting to see the outside gardens.. We said goodbye with invitations from the young woman to visit Lyon.

About an hour later I walked down the hill, took the bus back to the train station, then the train to the metro and as I was coming up the stairs from the metro station I looked up in amazement… could my eyes be deceiving me? There was the same group of French people looking just as amazed! I knew then that I had been experiencing a divinely inspired day complete with angels on my shoulder to look out for me. How else could I have met the same group back in Lisbon?

Although I had a two week vacation on my own and did some organized tours during that time, some of my best moments were when I just trusted that I’d be ok on my own and went out into the great unknown. It was when I was in the hands of my guides, that I was truly guided.

Comments are always welcome.


Help, Don’t Hurt

October 15, 2018

There are so many times that people are passionate about an issue but their rantings only hurt the situation rather than helping it. We have a word in Jewish, Kvetching! And it is the equivalent of bitching, moaning and complaining consistently. So whenever we open our mouths to state our opinion, I’d like to suggest that we make constructive criticism meant to help rather than hurt all concerned.

In this article, I’d like to commend Queen Latifah for her recent commercial extolling the benefits of a good higher education. Apparently, as she explains, she’s achieved great success in life, but without the added benefit of a college education. From the sound of it, she feels and conveys in this ad, that with such advanced study, she may have had a better life, an easier time moving forward, or made more money earlier on. Now, of course, she’s well known as a prominent acting/singing personality and is making the big money as they say. But inwardly she still feels that a degree would be beneficial. To me, establishing all these benefits for her community and others at large is a great service to her listeners.helpful

I would also like to contrast her approach with the radio announcer typically on at the same morning slot. I listen to a morning radio show that caters to a predominantly black audience. The announcer of this show has a segment that he calls “a Racial Observation” during which time he refers to events of the day that point to the divide between the black vs. the white community. Perhaps a white policeman arrested a black kid and used force or a woman was assaulted and the perpetrator not prosecuted….in any case the situations are always where he is pointing to racial tensions in this country. During other parts of this show, people are making fun of multiple baby mammas and kids going home to empty houses, being raised by single Moms who don’t know where the father of their children are…. The point here is that neither accountability nor responsibility is discussed, rather just how awful things are and how unfair the system is to his group.

Well I’m a senior and there are a lot of things that are unfair to me too, but rather than kvetch, I’d rather give charity to help others and send positive energy to law makers to make it better for all concerned. In the end, I believe I will be taken care of by the powers to be because I live a heart centered life guided by my faith.

So back to Queen Latifah:. I salute her effort to extol the virtues of a higher education because it is the pathway to getting a good job and making something of one’s self. I had to work hard for my degree and in the end it has served me well throughout my career. So doing what it takes to go to school at night or by day if possible is a great way to be accountable and take responsibility for one’s life. So the next time you have something to say, keep it helpful and not hurtful. Comments are always welcome.

 


Time to Detox? – Part I The Physical

August 18, 2018

Detoxing may not be a fun topic but sometimes it’s necessary to focus in and get rid of negatives in the body which can take different forms. We can hold negative elements in our gut – the traditional place to consider a detox to get rid of toxins that overload our digestive system and cause a myriad of physical issues. Perhaps we don’t think as much about the negative junk that seeps into our thoughts and the need to clean out the closets of our minds. In this article I will address the first of these two types of detoxing and why it’s are important to our physical  wellbeing. Stay tuned for  the second type of detoxing and why it’s important to our mental wellbeing.

detoxFirst, let’s address the gut. There is a plethora of information on how our digestive track is like a second brain. From my recent reading on the internet about all the little critters that reside in our gut, it’s important to keep a healthy balance of what’s referred to as “good and bad bacteria”. Normally, if we eat a balanced diet, there shouldn’t be any problems with maintaining a healthy gut bacterial environment. That said, many of us, me included, don’t always eat enough fresh veggies and thus I have to admit to subscribing to lots of nutritional supplements. In addition, I’m guilty of taking over the counter anti-inflammatories, ingesting antibiotics when I’m sick or possibly from non-organic meats, and using artificial sweeteners, all of which can disturb this delicate balance.

Over the last year I found myself becoming increasingly uncomfortable through weight gain and digestive issues. I eventually pinpointed Splenda use as one culprit. In an effort to drink more water I was using lots of Splenda every day. And then my gut locked up on me. I finally realized that too many supplements and the use of Splenda had to get under control. So in comes the DETOX. Wow, what a difference. If you do decide to go this route, I recommend that you get a medical grade 2 week version, which I did through a local specialized pharmacy. I’m not here to advertise any specific product, but I basically had to get off all gluten, dairy, supplements except for those provided in the kit and only use their protein powder. The detox consisted of 2 protein shakes daily with a non-dairy beverage and one regular meal combined with lots of veggies and some low glycemic fruit. The first few days were difficult but I stuck with it and now I feel a lot better.

Ok, this is the physical component of the detox. I can’t believe the difference in the way I feel. I’m back to my normal weight, gaining energy every day and can more readily do my activities. My brain fog is clearing also. There is a huge difference… now detoxing the mind and getting rid of negatives there is a bit more complicated. My next article will address this aspect of detoxing… Meanwhile, comments are always  welcome.

 


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