an age old wisdom that we should look in the mirror first if we feel there is
something missing in our lives. Thus when I decided that I needed more friends and
that I would have to be more welcoming to bring people into my life. In other,
I would have to be friendlier.
Ok so how do I become friendlier
when I thought I was already a nice person who was polite and congenial to
those that I met anyway? Well I guess it came down to my energy. What was the
message that my energy was sending out? Although I felt friendly, perhaps I was
inwardly insecure or afraid, which sent a similar awkward message out to the
world. This was not what I wanted. In other words, as is quite common, I was
guilty of sending out a mixed message. My outer voice wanted one thing while my
inner voice was reflecting another. I needed to become congruent.
Thus I had to really become a happy person, feel good about myself, and raise
my self-esteem which in turn would send out a happy vibe to the world. It
wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I booked a social group and just smiled
and talked with people being non-judgmental and accepting them for who they
were. Suddenly people began to like me more. When I became more of a listener
reflecting back to people what they were saying, staying present and really
hearing them, even more people liked me. In turn, I was laughing more.
Before I knew it I was in my authentic self, feeling good and sending out
positive vibes. Soon, I was getting return positive glances at my gym class at Zumba
and in social circles. Then on travel, people would engage with me more. All of
a sudden, I then realized that i was really making friends. I had become a
friendlier person with all the associated qualities. My energy changed and I
attracted healthier people into my life that warranted my friendship. As far as
I can tell so far, these are people that really want to be friends, have no
ulterior motives or axes to grind, no mood disordered and just healthy happy
people. What a relief it is. It’s been awesome so far and I certainly hope it
continues. I offer my personal experience to you so that you can give it a try
and see what happens. As always comments are welcome.
We all know, or have learned the hard way that human
communication is not an exact science. The old adage is that’s why there are
lawyers! Today, I’m going to relate a situation that I experienced regarding a
transaction on EBay. The whole interaction went from a misunderstanding to bad
then to worse. Then it got ugly! Sometimes people and processes just don’t go
as one might expect.
First, let me say
that my perspective on EBay is pretty laid back because it’s not my main
business; it’s very much a hobby and a casual one at that. I sell stuff to get
it out of my closet and if I’m lucky, I get a few dollars for it. So what’s my
story? I offered a beautiful designer red silk dress for sale at a fabulously
low price plus shipping. The woman in question, whom I will call “The Buyer”,
sent an offer. What I saw on my end was “an offer to buy at $50” which I
accepted. I’ve been doing EBay for about 8 years so I don’t question offers. I
just look at the figure and either accept the bid or not. Usually people pay
within a day or two. My listing clearly states that non-payment after 48 hours
will result in a cancelled transaction. If someone made a mistake in pushing “buy”,
then an email to me indicating such will solve the problem. I’m not out to
force any sales, so if there’s a mistake, I’ll cancel the transaction.
I accepted the offer and the EBay system put the offer in as
a sale and sent the Buyer an invoice for the price plus shipping. No response.
Several days go by. I sent a nice note with a reminder invoice – “is there a
problem, I ask?” No response. More time goes by. The EBay system opened a non-payment case
against the Buyer automatically, which when she received the notice made her
furious resulting in her sending me a scathing email stating that I hadn’t read
her offer. What? I never saw any email or further detail about her offer.
Apparently, she writes that she’s retired and doesn’t have the money. (Why buy
if you don’t have money??) At this point it was very confusing to me because
she referred to 8/30 which I assumed meant August 30, but it was August 20. I
had no idea what she was talking about. Rather than calmly explain to me that
she’d get money at the end of the month which eventually I realized, she raved
at me that I hadn’t read the offer details (that I’d never seen) and basically
was saying how stupid I was for causing this problem. As it wasn’t an auction
item, just a fixed price, make an offer, she could have waited a few days until
her pension check arrived. Rather, she chose to expect me to make the system
work according to what was best for her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t to be.
It became obvious to me that she had anger issues and was venting at me for other situations where she hadn’t been heard. I was just the one getting her venom over these frustrations in her life. I kept trying to write to her calmly explaining that the system was automated, that offers are translated into purchases, and that non-payment cases can be opened without me doing anything. She insisted that I cancel the transaction at this point which was impossible according to the EBay system even after I tried calling them directly. I wasted so much time over almost a week for a non-sale with this woman. I had packed this gorgeous dress with tissue paper in a strong box so that it wouldn’t get wrinkled… basically for naught. After 2 days of her insisting that I cancel the transaction, I find that she paid. It was the night before the payment was due or a negative mark would go against her. I figured that she paid to clear the case so that I could cancel the transaction. So I went into the transaction, which was now clear, and cancelled it. I thought this was what she wanted. She had not sent me an email to tell me that she changed her mind about cancelling the transaction and now she wanted it. So what happened next?
The next morning I got a wailing email, “oh, I’m going to
cry. You cancelled the transaction after I paid for the dress!” Well, yeah, after receiving email after email
insisting that I cancel and no communication indicating otherwise, what else
could I do? Then I get more communication about why did I do that? It’s like
being in Wonderland! Ok, so I thought about it and my final email to her was my
best attempt to be spiritual, “I’m sorry that you’re not happy with this
transaction. Sometimes people and processes don’t go as one might want or expect.
Rather than directing anger at me, a bit of patience might have been a better
idea. It would also be a good idea to find a healthier channel to vent your
frustrations that to direct them at me”.
The moral of the story is that when crazy interactions occur
like this story; take a moment to reflect on the situation. Chances are there’s
more going on than the immediate reaction. Usually, there are related
experiences that the person is reacting to in this lifetime or a prior one. It’s
easy to ignore the person but just a bit harder to consider how you can be a
guiding light. Just consider that she needed to be reminded of her behavior and
it took me going beyond the physical to tell her about it.
Although I had planned for this to be the end, there’s more.
The woman wrote back telling me that “You’re a fool!” Well so much for being a
messenger of light. I thought about her response a lot and I truly believe that
I was guided to write back to her what I had to give her a chance to reconsider
her self-righteous position. Unfortunately, she failed the test. Now the
universe takes over and karma steps in. I believe that she’s really in scarcity
and has a lot of hatred, anger and hostility built up over being in a
compromising financial situation. But what got her there? Meanwhile, I live in
abundance and reap the rewards.
Comments are always welcome.
Detoxing may not be a fun topic but sometimes it’s necessary to focus in and get rid of negatives in the body which can take different forms. We can hold negative elements in our gut – the traditional place to consider a detox to get rid of toxins that overload our digestive system and cause a myriad of physical issues. Perhaps we don’t think as much about the negative junk that seeps into our thoughts and the need to clean out the closets of our minds. In this article I will address the first of these two types of detoxing and why it’s are important to our physical wellbeing. Stay tuned for the second type of detoxing and why it’s important to our mental wellbeing.
First, let’s address the gut. There is a plethora of information on how our digestive track is like a second brain. From my recent reading on the internet about all the little critters that reside in our gut, it’s important to keep a healthy balance of what’s referred to as “good and bad bacteria”. Normally, if we eat a balanced diet, there shouldn’t be any problems with maintaining a healthy gut bacterial environment. That said, many of us, me included, don’t always eat enough fresh veggies and thus I have to admit to subscribing to lots of nutritional supplements. In addition, I’m guilty of taking over the counter anti-inflammatories, ingesting antibiotics when I’m sick or possibly from non-organic meats, and using artificial sweeteners, all of which can disturb this delicate balance.
Over the last year I found myself becoming increasingly uncomfortable through weight gain and digestive issues. I eventually pinpointed Splenda use as one culprit. In an effort to drink more water I was using lots of Splenda every day. And then my gut locked up on me. I finally realized that too many supplements and the use of Splenda had to get under control. So in comes the DETOX. Wow, what a difference. If you do decide to go this route, I recommend that you get a medical grade 2 week version, which I did through a local specialized pharmacy. I’m not here to advertise any specific product, but I basically had to get off all gluten, dairy, supplements except for those provided in the kit and only use their protein powder. The detox consisted of 2 protein shakes daily with a non-dairy beverage and one regular meal combined with lots of veggies and some low glycemic fruit. The first few days were difficult but I stuck with it and now I feel a lot better.
Ok, this is the physical component of the detox. I can’t believe the difference in the way I feel. I’m back to my normal weight, gaining energy every day and can more readily do my activities. My brain fog is clearing also. There is a huge difference… now detoxing the mind and getting rid of negatives there is a bit more complicated. My next article will address this aspect of detoxing… Meanwhile, comments are always welcome.
Ever wake up with a stiff neck and wonder if you slept wrong or moved wrong in your yoga class… or perhaps doing sit ups at the gym? But did you ever relate that neck problem to a person who’s troubling you and have been thinking “what a pain in the neck?” What we think we create! As Edgar Cayce notes, first comes thoughts, then comes action; thus, what we think becomes what we concentrate on creating new possibilities that lead to other actions. Our world is a template of what is first conceived in our minds.
It’s not that our pains aren’t real. For sure, they are. Our physical world is composed of real stuff including real problems, real emotions and real physical issues. But where does it all start? As souls in a body, we are first spiritual beings with a soul plan and karma to be dealt with. Everything we do leads us closer to completing our karma both on the positive as well as on the negative side. Sometimes that negative stuff requires us to learn lessons that we are stubborn about learning. The universe is patient giving us many chances and creating many opportunities for us to go about learning these lessons. If one way doesn’t work, another way is tried. Have you ever felt as if you’re just in the same soup warmed over and over with different people playing out in a different place?
This has certainly happened to me whether at work, at my gym, at my aerobics class and even in my dance venues. People pop up and things happen, words are said, exchanges are made and I feel like – “wow, again the same thing. Why does this feel so familiar?” the answer is simple, because it has happened before, perhaps many times before. And you may have learned the lesson in one form but need to learn it again in another form. That person that is a pain in the neck may be teaching you a lesson but since you’re not learning the lesson, yet another person that is an equally difficult person – another pain in the neck comes along. And then you wake up one morning to find that you have transferred the emotionally pain in the neck to the physical pain in the neck. As Louise Hays points out in her classic book “You can Heal Your Life”, a pain in the neck points to “inflexibility, or failing to see an issue from multiple sides”; or “being stubborn”.
So the next time you feel someone is being a proverbial “pain in the neck” look at yourself in the mirror and ask, “am I being stubborn or inflexible?” and then wait for the answer. Your comments are welcome. Always in light, Rev. Joanne.
A very long time ago a great man once said, that as you sow seeds, you reap what you’ve sown! There are many ways one can interpret this expression. The first is, of course, literally. Whatever seeds you put in the ground, you can pretty much expect that plant or vegetable to grow. But as most such sayings go, they are meant to be allegorical; that is, represent more to us than the literal meaning. So here’s where it starts to get interesting.
From the esoteric perspective, reaping what you sow also means that as we treat others, we can expect to be treated ourselves. I look at this expression in a more karmic way; that is, if we are positive in our interactions then we bring positive energy to us; whereas, if we act in a careless fashion we could very well bring negative energy our way. This is also called the Law of Cause and Effect and is applicable to our three dimensional world whether we believe in it or not. This is a really important point. Just because you don’t believe in gravity doesn’t negate the effects of gravity! The same holds true for the Law of Karma (Cause and Effect). So how does Karma impact our lives?
It’s pretty simple really, as you want others to treat you, treat them. If you want to be respected, loved, nurtured, trusted, etc. then you need to be and act that way with others. Or, if you are harsh, mean, hateful, aggressively antagonistic, etc. then at some point in this life or the next, the Law of Karma will catch up with you. As Einstein figured out, energy is neither created nor destroyed. So the negative energy we create stays in the universe until it comes back to us somehow and some way. Sometimes we wonder why there’s a person in our lives that just doesn’t seem to fit – perhaps it’s because they are here to finish a karmic debt from another place and time. Or, if it’s you that’s dishing out the junk, then maybe in the future, you can have a person come into your life to do the same to you. In any case, it’s a lot better to just be nice, considerate and caring as if everything we do really matter. Since, in the long run, it does!
It’s important to understand the uses of heart energy vs. head energy in inter-personal communications. When I use the term, head energy, I mean data, facts – like “it’s hot today” or “let’s go to the movies”. Conversely, heart energy is about the emotions; such as, “when you come late, it makes me feel unimportant” or “I don’t like playing soccer”.
Why should we care about when to use each type of energy? When communicating with another person hence, “interpersonal”, we can include facts (head energy), but should also include emotion (heart energy) for more of an impact. Take this situation, for example: your boyfriend decides he no longer wants to date you. If he calls and says, “We’re done, bye”. That’s pretty hurtful. Rather, if he says, “we’ve enjoyed each other for these past months but I don’t feel it’s working out so it’s best if we end things.” You might still be upset but the blow is reduced. An even better approach is to meet over a beverage, chat and offer what went well and what didn’t go so well – like completing a circle so both people can come to closure. Being sensitive to the feelings of others is always the best approach when delivering any news – particularly when it’s negative.
Life would be so easy if we only had to deal with ourselves since it would eliminate not being able to get along with another. But by definition, this cancels out being in relationships, which are one reason that we are in the earth plane. So, no dice! Unless we are hermits, we must deal with other individuals outside of ourselves and in the process learn from them. If we are fortunate, we can overcome the negative energy we encounter buried within these challenges/lessons and open more to the light in the process. So how does this process of overcoming negative energies work?
If we take a look at nature, we can get some clues at how beings are supposed to be together normally. I use the word “normal” to mean when conditions are good, ok, or even average. Take my cat for example. If I’m nice to my cat by providing food, shelter, and morning kisses, he gives me love back; in fact, even if I put nasty medicine in his mouth, since he trusts me, he allows me to do this and still loves me back. Just to show that he has a real personality, if I don’t sit with him at night and watch TV together (which he really enjoys), he won’t come upstairs to sleep on the bed with me (which I really miss). Somehow he knows this. So when I don’t do something that he wants me to do, he doesn’t give me what I want in return. He’s a loving creature and expects love back just like I do. So he’s not stupid. If I ignore him, he will go in the other room and put his back towards me ignoring me. He’s even gone so far as to leave poopy by my bed to indicate that he’s really mad at me. I’m sure you can figure out what this translates to in human language! Anyone that has a pet is probably laughing in agreement with me right now, and for those of you that can hardly believe what I’m writing… well guess you have to be there.
So what’s the take-a-way? If an animal responds to love with love, then why don’t people do the same? The answer is that possibly it’s because we’re more complicated, but it shouldn’t be that way. It should just work like Newton postulated – each action has an equal but opposite reaction – if I love you then you should love me back. Well, why not? Why are people so full of anger, hate, commitment phobias, past hurts and unwillingness to be loved in the first place? It’s really a shame that we can love, nurture, care about, help, be present for others and then not get anywhere near this type of reaction in return.
According to Kabbalah and the more spiritual traditions, the reason that we do not receive love when we give love, is there is some challenge or lesson to learn. That is, there is a negative energy to overcome. In continuing to love even in the face of this negativity, we are maintaining our standing in the light and so furthering our own soul development. We are also helping to heal the person with the negative energy at a soul level. This is not easy to do; that said, once we feel that we have to get out for our own safety, then we are freed from any further obligation to do so, since our own welfare always comes first. In the end, each soul must be allowed to move forward in their own way, and in their own time. We can only hope that their negative energy can be overcome so that they can also move into the light. And so it is!
Inspirational memoir capturing a love that extends beyond the veil of death, of care-giving, of the ravages of Alzheimer's Disease as well as a widow's restructuring her life after the only man she ever loved was gone. Buy safely via PayPal