an age old wisdom that we should look in the mirror first if we feel there is
something missing in our lives. Thus when I decided that I needed more friends and
that I would have to be more welcoming to bring people into my life. In other,
I would have to be friendlier.
Ok so how do I become friendlier
when I thought I was already a nice person who was polite and congenial to
those that I met anyway? Well I guess it came down to my energy. What was the
message that my energy was sending out? Although I felt friendly, perhaps I was
inwardly insecure or afraid, which sent a similar awkward message out to the
world. This was not what I wanted. In other words, as is quite common, I was
guilty of sending out a mixed message. My outer voice wanted one thing while my
inner voice was reflecting another. I needed to become congruent.
Thus I had to really become a happy person, feel good about myself, and raise
my self-esteem which in turn would send out a happy vibe to the world. It
wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I booked a social group and just smiled
and talked with people being non-judgmental and accepting them for who they
were. Suddenly people began to like me more. When I became more of a listener
reflecting back to people what they were saying, staying present and really
hearing them, even more people liked me. In turn, I was laughing more.
Before I knew it I was in my authentic self, feeling good and sending out
positive vibes. Soon, I was getting return positive glances at my gym class at Zumba
and in social circles. Then on travel, people would engage with me more. All of
a sudden, I then realized that i was really making friends. I had become a
friendlier person with all the associated qualities. My energy changed and I
attracted healthier people into my life that warranted my friendship. As far as
I can tell so far, these are people that really want to be friends, have no
ulterior motives or axes to grind, no mood disordered and just healthy happy
people. What a relief it is. It’s been awesome so far and I certainly hope it
continues. I offer my personal experience to you so that you can give it a try
and see what happens. As always comments are welcome.
We all know, or have learned the hard way that human
communication is not an exact science. The old adage is that’s why there are
lawyers! Today, I’m going to relate a situation that I experienced regarding a
transaction on EBay. The whole interaction went from a misunderstanding to bad
then to worse. Then it got ugly! Sometimes people and processes just don’t go
as one might expect.
First, let me say
that my perspective on EBay is pretty laid back because it’s not my main
business; it’s very much a hobby and a casual one at that. I sell stuff to get
it out of my closet and if I’m lucky, I get a few dollars for it. So what’s my
story? I offered a beautiful designer red silk dress for sale at a fabulously
low price plus shipping. The woman in question, whom I will call “The Buyer”,
sent an offer. What I saw on my end was “an offer to buy at $50” which I
accepted. I’ve been doing EBay for about 8 years so I don’t question offers. I
just look at the figure and either accept the bid or not. Usually people pay
within a day or two. My listing clearly states that non-payment after 48 hours
will result in a cancelled transaction. If someone made a mistake in pushing “buy”,
then an email to me indicating such will solve the problem. I’m not out to
force any sales, so if there’s a mistake, I’ll cancel the transaction.
I accepted the offer and the EBay system put the offer in as
a sale and sent the Buyer an invoice for the price plus shipping. No response.
Several days go by. I sent a nice note with a reminder invoice – “is there a
problem, I ask?” No response. More time goes by. The EBay system opened a non-payment case
against the Buyer automatically, which when she received the notice made her
furious resulting in her sending me a scathing email stating that I hadn’t read
her offer. What? I never saw any email or further detail about her offer.
Apparently, she writes that she’s retired and doesn’t have the money. (Why buy
if you don’t have money??) At this point it was very confusing to me because
she referred to 8/30 which I assumed meant August 30, but it was August 20. I
had no idea what she was talking about. Rather than calmly explain to me that
she’d get money at the end of the month which eventually I realized, she raved
at me that I hadn’t read the offer details (that I’d never seen) and basically
was saying how stupid I was for causing this problem. As it wasn’t an auction
item, just a fixed price, make an offer, she could have waited a few days until
her pension check arrived. Rather, she chose to expect me to make the system
work according to what was best for her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t to be.
It became obvious to me that she had anger issues and was venting at me for other situations where she hadn’t been heard. I was just the one getting her venom over these frustrations in her life. I kept trying to write to her calmly explaining that the system was automated, that offers are translated into purchases, and that non-payment cases can be opened without me doing anything. She insisted that I cancel the transaction at this point which was impossible according to the EBay system even after I tried calling them directly. I wasted so much time over almost a week for a non-sale with this woman. I had packed this gorgeous dress with tissue paper in a strong box so that it wouldn’t get wrinkled… basically for naught. After 2 days of her insisting that I cancel the transaction, I find that she paid. It was the night before the payment was due or a negative mark would go against her. I figured that she paid to clear the case so that I could cancel the transaction. So I went into the transaction, which was now clear, and cancelled it. I thought this was what she wanted. She had not sent me an email to tell me that she changed her mind about cancelling the transaction and now she wanted it. So what happened next?
The next morning I got a wailing email, “oh, I’m going to
cry. You cancelled the transaction after I paid for the dress!” Well, yeah, after receiving email after email
insisting that I cancel and no communication indicating otherwise, what else
could I do? Then I get more communication about why did I do that? It’s like
being in Wonderland! Ok, so I thought about it and my final email to her was my
best attempt to be spiritual, “I’m sorry that you’re not happy with this
transaction. Sometimes people and processes don’t go as one might want or expect.
Rather than directing anger at me, a bit of patience might have been a better
idea. It would also be a good idea to find a healthier channel to vent your
frustrations that to direct them at me”.
The moral of the story is that when crazy interactions occur
like this story; take a moment to reflect on the situation. Chances are there’s
more going on than the immediate reaction. Usually, there are related
experiences that the person is reacting to in this lifetime or a prior one. It’s
easy to ignore the person but just a bit harder to consider how you can be a
guiding light. Just consider that she needed to be reminded of her behavior and
it took me going beyond the physical to tell her about it.
Although I had planned for this to be the end, there’s more.
The woman wrote back telling me that “You’re a fool!” Well so much for being a
messenger of light. I thought about her response a lot and I truly believe that
I was guided to write back to her what I had to give her a chance to reconsider
her self-righteous position. Unfortunately, she failed the test. Now the
universe takes over and karma steps in. I believe that she’s really in scarcity
and has a lot of hatred, anger and hostility built up over being in a
compromising financial situation. But what got her there? Meanwhile, I live in
abundance and reap the rewards.
Comments are always welcome.
There is an old adage of how we look at life” do you see the glass as half empty or half full?” This is a common theme that plays out time and time again when looking at situations. How one sees things is always in the mind of the beholder.
Recently, I sent a photo to two friends while visiting family out in California of Palm trees with a mountain background taken during my early morning walk. The caption to my one friend was simply a good morning to her. I received a reply that the photo looked serene and peaceful. In other words, she had a positive response to an image that was pleasantly received. As my other friend lives in a northern climate still experiencing chilly weather, I captioned the photo that I was sending sunshine. His response involved questioning the temperature to which I told him over 100F… “an oven” was his response… he knows that I totally enjoy my morning walks in the sunshine because I don’t do it at home. Yes it’s a bit warm even at 7 am, but it’s so beautiful looking at the mountains and the Palm trees that it’s my favorite thing to do while out west. We don’t have Palm trees in Virginia.
So where are we in this story? My
first friend is a positive person about most things so it’s not so surprising
that she’d have a positive response to the photo I sent. She takes life well
and I enjoy being with her. She holds down an important management consulting
position and juggles being a Mom to two young adult boys. She’s a genuinely
My other friend tries to be a nice person too but he gets lost in the negativity of the world. As a result he sees the negative in little things that people do or say and in this case, he missed the beauty of the moment or the kindness of the act by over analyzing the situation. I still like him for he has some lovely qualities, but he struggles to get through life. Such a small thing like looking at a photo and deciding what you will see. But that’s the point.
It’s a decision how we will
interpret what comes into our mind. So will you see the glass as half empty or
half full next time? Try to catch yourself if you start to be negative. With
practise we can move into being more positive people and in the process we will
be happier too. Comments are always welcome.
It’s a beautiful spring day. The trees are blooming and look
refreshing and new. It’s warming a bit so that it’s not so cold as before. It
would be nice to talk a walk out in the sunshine.
I choose to think positive thoughts; to read my book on the fascinating history of the Templars in Portugal; to help others by mentoring and to do other volunteer efforts which bring me joy. I started assisting my university alumni with offers of mentoring and immediately had a taker… the very next day. It was a pleasure to help this woman assess her current career situation and how to move forward according to her desired plan. These are all pro bono sessions but they provide me a venue for giving back and that brings me joy.
An old project management colleague
contacted me to be interviewed for an article that he was writing and I was
glad to assist. The piece was on the value and impact of various certifications
and as I have several very unusual ones, he chose me to be included. It was fun
to participate and wonderful to receive a digital copy of the finished product
several weeks later. More joy came to me in helping him.
Those that chose to stay in a negative place will be left behind. I can only help so much for it drains me if there is nothing ever coming back, nor appreciation; just chaos left in the ashes of my attempts to be of service. Thus, to those that are negative energy I say that I must detach from you all. It’s just too oppressive.
For there to be a friendship, it must be a two way street. The
same holds true for a relationship. Both parties must acknowledge their
participation otherwise, there is nothing? It’s all just a fantasy. I care about all the issues that other people
have but no one wants to listen to me or care about what is going on in my
life. Am I too independent? Too willing to take on the world? At some point, I have
to say that it’s enough and I’m going to stop being the world’s baby sitter, or
mother or care taker. I have to look out for myself and have proper boundaries.
So if your mood darkens and you refuse the light that I
offer, so be it. I can do no more. I will not be your psychologist to figure
out what’s going on with you. Only you can decide you want to figure all that
out and then it’s part of your soul’s journey to take the road ahead.
So here is where we part company. I choose to take the high
road, be positive and follow my path to be of service. My goal is to help souls
one by one to be all they can be in order to raise the vibration of the planet.
But each soul must move forward in his/her own way and in their own time.
It’s your decision now. What will it be? Will you stay behind in the darkness or come with me into the light? Comments are welcome.
When you remember someone that has passed, are there funny
sayings or mannerisms that come to mind? In the case of my father, I always
remember what he used to say when I asked him about his getting another year
older and his practical response, “every day above ground is a good day”. So
each year when I’d ask him, “Daddy, how does it feel to be 85, or 86, etc.?” “He’d
reply, every year above ground is a good year”. Even though I knew what the
response would be, I continued to ask him every year until there wasn’t a
response. He passed the day after his 90th birthday and he wasn’t
able to talk on his special day.
What is the
alternative? If one is not above ground, then obviously, one is not alive. But to
live, really live means to be more than just above ground and room temperature.
This is the lesson for this article. Sometimes I feel like life is moving so
fast that there isn’t time to do more than just keep up. When I thought about
all the things I had to do today and realized that I was tired, I decided to
just take a nap. Once I woke up I realized that none of the really important
things that I had on my list were important at all. If none of them got done,
it was really ok. In the overall scheme of the universe, none of it was
So what is important? When we are above ground, during our
living years as the song goes, we should aim to make each day count, but for
what? What’s really important? Some possible answers are to be a good person,
to love, to help others, and to learn our lessons. Now you might ask how one
knows what their lessons are? I’ve written many articles about life lessons so
it’s not an easy answer here except to say that we have to pay attention to
what happens in our lives and do our best to follow the path that’s best for
us. Sometimes what’s best is not what we really wish to do. When I think about
my father, he was always busy with hobbies and studying things. He valued
education and taught us to do the same. He also valued hard work, probably a
product of his depression-era younger years; although still a good foundation
for him and a good legacy he gave to his children.
We each have to figure out how to use the time we have above
ground and make sure that every day above ground is a good day.
Ever walk by an interesting tree and wonder about it? Old is It? Do animals live in its branches or inside part of its trunk? What stories could it tell you about people that have been walking by. Some trees are called witness trees because they’ve seen horrible events… or maybe two people got engaged under a tree. All of these are possibilities if a tree could tell you what it’s seen or heard.
What is precipitating this question for me? Recently there was a tree that fell across the walking path behind my townhome. As I stood looking at this huge brown tree devoid of leaves, essentially dead, it fell across the path, having fallen due to excessive rain, I wondered about its life.
After a heavy rain storm, I decided to get out and take a walk on my to find the path blocked by this fallen tree. For some strange reason I actually felt sorry for the tree, as it had come to the end of its life. Then I thought again. No, perhaps it was the end of its living life but in death it would provide a means of life to other creatures. Does that mean it continues on in another fashion?
Can we say the same thing about our own lives? When we end our physical lives and change our form do we continue on in another fashion and live life in another form ourselves? It might be another version of us; the spiritual version that is eternal just like the tree continues on even when it decays into bits of wood and then into bits of earth. It then becomes elements that give nourishment to plants and other living things. As we change form do we help other living things to flourish? Does the spirit inside us help others to flourish? I believe we can do so when we become spirit guides also known as guardian angels. This is when our souls choose to help others while we are in spirit form.
Just as this tree will one day provide a place for a nest for birds, a home for squirrels as well as mosquitoes or even other little creatures, we too can help other people thrive once we cross over.
Ever get a funny feeling in your stomach and realize that a little voice residing there is telling you something? It’s becoming well known how the stomach has a second brain with lots of emotional intelligence. But the point of my story is that I get my own inner guidance in many ways, one of which may be discomfort in the stomach.
Over the weekend, I had dinner with a dance friend. Our plan was to enjoy dinner and the jazz group that was playing at the Vietnamese-French restaurant nearby, then we would drive to a local dance venue. It would take about 30 minutes to drive over. Normally, this would be a routine trip, nothing to be concerned about except on this evening there had been reports that heavy rain was due to fall. I tried to tell myself that a bit of rain was nothing to fear; that said, I kept remembering the terrible rain that I drove through back in January when a truck tire exploded and like a missile sent the remains crashing into my car causing me whiplash and $2,000 damage to my almost new car. Needless to say, it was upsetting and traumatizing. I had come out of it alive when such a crash could have killed me. Hence, there was trepidation over driving in heavy rain.
My friend was insistent that I go out with him and to help alleviate my concerns he offered to drive me and then take me home later since we’d met up for the dinner as dance friends often do. I reluctantly agreed. So off we went under an umbrella with me thinking, “Well, it’s not raining hard now. Perhaps we’ll get there before the downpour”. We were only about a mile from my home, and the local plaza where we’d eaten, when I felt a really strange feeling in my chest and stomach. I don’t normally have such pains. I told myself that it was only a 30 minute drive and that I would be ok. I assumed it was just a bit of fear after having had the accident back in January; leftover trauma, so to speak.
As we approached the highway entrance, an alarm on my cell phone caused me to say, “Stop and pull over”. I knew the sound of that siren type of alarm. It was used to indicate an emergency situation. In this case it was the NWS warning people to get off the road due to the impending dangerous weather, heavy rain and possible flooding. My reaction was immediate. I said, “No! I’m not going.” And we turned around and my friend drove the short distance back to my house.
Now one might ask,”Was it a coincidence that the alarm came in just before we got on the highway when it would be more difficult to turn around and go home?” We were only one mile away, so returning was easy. And my friend certainly understood at this point so no harm done in any case. I got inside the house and was totally grateful to be safe, then settled into the rest of the evening in front of the TV with my cat Skylar. I was never so happy to be in my PJs!
I do believe that my angels were watching over me. That when I needed them, guidance helped me with an outward signal that staying in was the right thing to do. The next day I saw on the local internet about all the down trees, accidents, cars that got stuck in water, people that had to be rescued from their cars, etc. it wasn’t a joke, nor a figment of my imagination. There had been real danger and I had been warned. I am truly blessed. Comments and observations are welcome.
Inspirational memoir capturing a love that extends beyond the veil of death, of care-giving, of the ravages of Alzheimer's Disease as well as a widow's restructuring her life after the only man she ever loved was gone. Buy safely via PayPal