Synchronicities are a part of life; however, when they occur it can be a complete surprise leaving one to wonder about the meaning of the two events linked by such happenings. Since nothing really happens by accident, the next step is to contemplate the deeper meaning.
Several weeks ago, while staying overnight at a hotel, I decided to go to the Club Room on the 2nd floor for tea. There I saw a woman with very bushy mid length blonde hair, knee-high boots and a short car coat in front of me at the machine. I made a silly comment to get her attention since we were the only two people in the room and I desired some conversation, even momentarily. When she turned around and began to speak, I realized that she was not from the US, based on her demeanor and her quick willingness to tell me that she was in fact from Argentina. I feel a tie to people from Argentina as I travel there yearly to dance tango.
Her response opened the door to a brief conversation wherein she told me that her profession was in real estate, that she had family in DC and was preparing to fly to NY the next morning very early. She added that she needed a smaller suitcase for the quick three-day visit (rather than take her larger suitcase with her) as well as needing a warmer coat due to the cold spell along the East Coast. She planned to head out to find both these items shortly. Her name was Susan. I opted to leave it alone and said goodbye leaving for my own room rather than put myself “out there” by offering to help her find the items that she mentioned.
Upon my return to the room, while arranging my things for later that evening, this crazy feeling came over me that I was supposed to help the Argentine lady. But I had missed the opportunity or so I thought. Looking at my watch, I realized that I had a two-hour window before going to my event that evening leaving plenty of open time to go out for a short walk.
When I went downstairs 30 minutes had passed since my visit to the Hospitality room and my meeting Susan. I was shocked to see her at the front desk speaking in Spanish with the desk clerk about where to go to get the desired items. From among the words that I didn’t understand, “Nordstrom Rack” was very clear. I thought how convenient it would be to have a store that has a variety of things and most likely a great store for what she wanted. Since I was planning to take a walk and it didn’t matter where I walked, I went out with her.
Knowing each other for 15 minutes didn’t matter either. We were instant friends and went out together to find the store as dusk approached. I felt like her personal shopper helping her find each article that she wanted with the same expertise that I use for my own shopping adventures. And she was overjoyed with the help. What color? How do you want it to fit? She was used to metric and not our system, so sizes and inches didn’t make sense to her. The same was true for the suitcase. I quickly found items and showed them to her, and she tried on the coat that said yea or nay but found one she liked for a reasonable amount. Then the suitcase which she wanted for carryon. What color? How big? I knew the brands and what was good. She was grateful and, in turn, I felt good. Then I had to return to the hotel, while she wanted to stay to shop more for her kids and grandkids.
She wanted to do something for me – like a tea or a meal. But I said, not to worry, and went back to the hotel. Upon leaving for my event later that evening, I asked the front desk clerk if she had gotten back ok and he said yes. I was happy knowing that she returned safely.
I went on to my event feeling like my mission was accomplished. I was called to serve, and I had been of service.
There are ups and downs with friends as with every other type of relationship. However, when things become too one-sided or even abusive, it may be time to let go. In other words, it’s time to just give up being friends with this person. This happened to me recently with a 7-year friendship that I’ve come to realize is just draining me and is causing stress in my life. As I’ve aged, I have realized that if those around me are not adding to my life, then they are detracting from it. Something must change or be changed. Here is my generalized story of a derailed friendship.
Many families have dramas. In fact, I don’t know of any people around me that don’t have some kind of issues or drama in their lives or within their extended families. Perhaps there is a medical crisis going on, someone in the hospital, dealing with an illness or even a terminal situation. There are mood disorders such as ADHD, bipolar, autism and/ or narcissism that I’ve seen in those around me. Each of these mental handicaps have their own spectrum of debilitation and or frustrations for those near, whether family or friends.
In my own life, I’ve dealt with boyfriends that have suffered from many of these mental unstable emotional issues filling my life with turmoil. I once asked a psychic why I had so many such men in my life to which I was told, “because you have a karmic obligation to be patient and to help them navigate their lives while with you”. Every day, week, month or year that I spent with people of this unbalanced nature caused me to wonder if my world was upside down since their thinking was so out of kilter. I had to learn to stay balanced during chaos.
And so it went. I met L. (short for the guy in question) about seven years ago when he came to my town to visit his family. We met at a ballroom dance and eventually dated while he was local. Even after he left, we have kept in touch with sporadic calls and text messages. His normal conversations are more like rants about his family drama even though over the years I’d had much of my own, having gone through a brother’s death, his children trying to take over care of my mother from me and then having to care for her over a 2 year period until her death.
During my own turmoil, I was present for my friend L. He was always fixated on his situation and although appeared to be listening, he was most probably multitasking on his computer. With his extreme ADHD he is constantly doing multiple things as his mind races. He only eats when his body forces him to and tends to sleep any time of the day when he just can’t stay awake any longer. When we’ve been together, he has led a more normal life since I eat and sleep normally – he has managed to do so. Apparently, my energy has been a calming influence on him. I felt that I was helping him in this way.
My description of L has been the case until more recently when I decided to make a visit to his home, which is in our northern neighbor, Canada. From where I live, it’s just a quick 2-hour flight. I stopped in to see him last October during a visit to his area allowing some time for my own activities and he was very receptive, keeping in mind that I paid for all that we did together. He didn’t even offer me tea during our afternoon breaks. I recognized that his finances were stretched, but staying in my room, there was a nice sofa in the living area, sharing my breakfast and then going out to dinner with me, it would have been a nice gesture to pay for a simple tea. Although I enjoyed his company while there, mostly because he was calmer than when we conversed on the phone and was willing to hang out doing what I wanted to do. That’s nice, but in the end, paying for a man for everything does get old.
This time, I decided to visit for a full week and go from one city to another one a few hours away by train. He agreed to go with me even though he’d been before. I guess he figured that I’d pay for everything. When I asked him if he could cover his train fare, he said, “maybe”. I’m not sure what kind of answer that is. Either one has $135 or nor. I don’t understand “maybe”. I needed to book my trip and eventually made the arrangement to fly into his city so that he could accompany me to the second one. In hindsight, this was a mistake as it’s possible to just fly there and then take the train one way back. I didn’t want to pay for two people to go back and forth when I could have done it much simpler in the first place.
Then I also booked the trip for when he was available – mid – July, a much busier tourist season, rather than the end of June, which was preferable for me. I don’t mind cooler weather when it’s not as crowded. In accommodating him, I’m going during warmer, and possibly wetter weather, in tourist time and when I’m missing something that might have been possible. One can look towards other’s welfare more than their own. Now I’m very sorry that I did this, since his attitude of late has made me realize that he really doesn’t want to go since he doesn’t want to spend money period. Being with me is ok, as long as I’m the bank. I’ve decided that this doesn’t work for me. Unfortunately, I figured the whole thing out late.
In the end, I wrote to him that it just seems like it’s a bad time to come to visit him and that our plans together are cancelled. That said, my plans are not cancelled. If it was easier to change my air I would do so, but there are other expenses already incurred that make this adjustment impossible now. Oh well. I will go and do the trip as I wish. Letting go has released me from a great deal of stress. Of course, he had some redeeming qualities that I will miss, but not enough to continue. Discernment is necessary in selecting friends – who to spend time with and who to allow to use your time.
I’ve learned a big lesson. I will not allow myself to give into the whims of others nor for me to be used again. I also realize now that the planetary alignment is happening this coming weekend. It’s a time to let go of what’s not aligned with one’s mission and /or higher calling. Letting go of L. is part of my need to let go since it’s not in alignment with my mission. What are you considering it’s time to let go of?
When we are uncertain about how things will go, and we happen to be on the spiritual side, one might say, “God willing”. Therefore, this is a common expression and can be heard in many languages. I happen to be familiar with the Hebrew and the Arabic versions for example, indicating that the expression is part of not only the language but the associated religions which represents a good part of the world. I have an interesting story where I found a use to teach this expression to a tango instructor who was concerned about his monetary intake for the evening. Here is how it all went. I hope that you enjoy it.
There is a tango instructor that I like very much, and he hold dances at a local dance venue called Glen Echo Spanish ballroom. This location is quite beautiful, being of the Art Deco era, however it is not fully air conditioned. During this summer, what little A/C is installed wasn’t working making it very uncomfortable to dance. As a result, after various types of makeshift large hoses to pump air into the back room used for the tango dances, this instructor decided to move the August Sunday night events to another location.
I don’t attend every week, but I do enjoy the evenings with live music as a duo plays tango music that is wonderful for dancing. On this night, I went to the alternative location which was off the highway in what seemed like a wooded area. As I walked up to the doorway, which was lined with trees, I noticed that the signs were of both a church and a synagogue. For those not familiar, it is common for a church, which holds services on Sundays and a synagogue which holds services on Friday night and Saturday to share parking space and sometimes the actual building. I always find this interesting; firstly, that these two different religions can find each other at the time of construction and that the style of the building would suite both liturgies. In this case, no one else but me noticed that it was called both the Universalist Unitarian Church as well as the Beit Chai Congregation.
Rene, the instructor was concerned that the fees for dancing would not cover his expenses since this type of location, which did have a beautiful wood floor, was more expensive than the public facility that he normally used. I told him that I hoped that it would all work out and gave him back the $5 change from the $20 bill that I had handed him. It was fine. I was happy to just be there and dance. Most places do charge $20 anyway. There were other people that helped as well.
I enjoyed my dancing and, on the way, out, I said, “God Willing”, you will break even. Then I decided to teach him how to say this in Hebrew – “Baruch Hashem”. I walked back and said, “I’m going to teach you some powerful words that I believe will help you”. After all, it can’t hurt. He gratefully repeated the words.
The next day I got an excited text from Rene, “It worked!! I broke even”. Well, maybe he would have anyway, but it’s nice to thank God in any case.
Everyone has a birth and an expiration date. Even though it’s not pleasant to think about the later date for the most part, in some cases, it’s best to plan. In my case, I don’t have family, so I want to take the guess work out of my final arrangements for the executor of my “estate”. My net worth won’t be in the category of Bill Gates, but it is still called an “estate”. Hence, I went out to take care of my funeral arrangements. This hit home to me after making similar arrangements for my mother’s final resting place last year. Doing so brought home my own mortality. I also realized how expensive an actual burial can be and will certainly be more expensive in the future. When a friend told me how he pre-planned his funeral and had also paid for it a long time ago, I decided to do the same.
If someone just wants to be cremated and their ashes thrown about, the problem is much simpler. At one point I felt this way until I studied about the Jewish perspective on the soul while investigating burials for my mother. Then I realized that I might not care, but my soul might feel differently about it. I changed my will from cremation to burial. At this point, several years ago, I hadn’t decided on the actual funeral arrangements.
Now that my mother’s funeral is in the rear-view mirror, I decided to take time out to plan my own. As there is only one Jewish cemetery near my home in Virginia, I went there a few weeks ago and picked out a plot. I was surprised that in March there was a sale. One doesn’t imagine that there would be sales on cemetery plots. I guess it’s essentially real estate that one uses in the future. During the afternoon, I had a few chuckles to myself. One of the funny moments was when the lady said, “Don’t you want to be up on the hill?” When I realized that the cost was three times what it cost to be lower down, I declined. The neighborhood looked just fine near the row of trees closer to the entrance. The people already buried there seemed to be “nice” people. Just imagine me standing there looking down at those already buried and thinking that they were fine for me to have as neighbors one day!
I told the lady helping me that I would take the spot available as I looked up and saw a beautiful cherry tree wondering if it would still be there some thirty years in the future when I felt it would be my time – God willing.
I signed the contract for the selected spot and all the extras that were required, including the headstone. That is also an interesting story. There are several grades of headstones each costing more – depending on style of lettering, borders and how much information was on there. I chose the basic one but had to have my name in both English and Hebrew. Of course, this is the Jewish section of the cemetery and having the Hebrew writing was an extra charge! This did seem very strange to me. I have the basic information of my birth date and the date of death is of course, TBD.
The contract will get paid for over 5 years. The next step was the funeral home.
I communicated with two different funeral homes and got pricing for a basic Jewish casket, ritual washing and the other basics that are required. That too was put on a five year contract.
In the end, no pun intended, the details of what I want are in place. Now the person who will handle things for me will know what to do and it will be mostly paid for. I say mostly because there are always last minutes charges. I expect to be living in the same area but could move. This organization does allow for that and will facilitate monies going to other services elsewhere. I’ve done the best job I can with really not knowing how it will go in the future. One cannot project manage everything.
But almost everything. I certainly do feel my mortality more than before. And I turned another year older in the process.
It’s a common practice to check the expiration date on household products, especially those that we consume. We do this to make sure that we’re not taking anything internally that might have gone bad; the expiration date on the bottom of the item is a marker to tell us how long the manufacturer is guaranteeing that the particular product will stay fresh or ok for us to eat/take. In many cases, it’s still ok to use the product for days, weeks or perhaps months later, but it’s at our own risk. I’ve used milk longer than the noted date and for sure I’ve kept yogurt way longer. But there are some things that have a fixed expiration date and that is the subject of this article.
When we come into this world, we have lots of choices and one could argue that how we leave this life is partly of our doing depending on our life style choices. In terms of our genes, the diseases we could get might be altered based on eating well and exercising. However, at some point, we all have an expiration date. Would you want to know what that date is or are you just as happy not knowing?
I think that it’s better not to know. The new thing is to get gene testing and to see what diseases one may have a pre-disposition to. I believe it’s best to live a healthy life, to exercise, try to stay balanced as much as possible, to engage with others in a caring manner and hope for the best after that. One thing about living into my 7th decade is that I know what I look like approaching old age! I also know how I will feel. For a long time, I tried to stay young, as young as possible by telling everyone that “every day I get younger”. And for quite a long time this philosophy worked! But lately, I feel the fatigue, sometimes the brain fog, the occasional exercise aversion or if I do exercise, the muscle soreness afterwards making it more and more difficult to keep up my routine. In other words, I feel like I’m getting OLD. Oh no! it’s happening… My father never wanted to go to the senior center because that’s where old people were. I always thought that was funny. Now I realize that’s where I am. I have to decide if I will try to keep up or just take on other more leisurely pursuits just to have social interchange.
Regardless, we all have an expiration date and I will deal with mine as gracefully as I can. But not one day early. And, if possible, I’ll try to move it out for a bit…
As we say good-bye to the year 2022, there are many aspects to consider. First, there are the happy moments where we were in joy and can remember events, persons or places with gratitude. In addition, there are moments that weren’t so happy; in fact, they may have been sad, trying or challenging in which we were tested in soul growth. How do we appreciate all of these moments as we leave the past year behind? How to be in gratitude and appreciation for both the good as well as the not so good is the topic of this article.
In order to provide a background for my thoughts, it’s necessary to lay the foundation of my philosophy which essentially comes from years of study both at the Edgar Cayce Institute as well as my Jewish upbringing. We are first and foremost, souls in a body, not a body with a soul. Why is this different? The body is just a vehicle to allow the soul to learn and grow. It is the soul that comes first. During conception, and when the time is right for the soul to enter the body which may not be at the same time, the soul having made a contract with these two people that become the parents to provide a developmental environment for this entering soul. We have therefore chosen our parents to provide us with this platform on which we can learn the lessons set out for us during a particular lifetime. To dive into a deeper understanding, I refer you to the study of the Kabbalistic Wheel of Gongelah in which each soul gets many chances to achieve perfection throughout multiple lifetimes. One’s good deeds move forward with the slightly more perfected soul after each lifetime.
For the purposes of this article, let’s just assume the nature of the soul in the body. Thus, once we add in free will and lots of chances to “get it right”, we have events that turn out ok and some that just don’t work out the first time, or even the second time. This may pertain to work, health, relationships, finances, etc. This concept relates to all aspects of one’s life.
Looking back over this past year, there are many events and personal interactions which I remember that cover a full spectrum of emotions. Even within one relationship, there were wonderous times and times when I was very upset or felt tested. All of these interactions led to me gaining a better of understanding of myself. Those situations which were challenging required me to sit and think about why it bothered me so much and therefore, what was the lessons that I was supposed to glean from it? Sometimes, I had to journal and really ponder why what seemed like a really nice person initially would suddenly act in anger, be cruel or in some other hostile behavior when I felt that I was being just me. Now here’s the rub. Perhaps there was something that I did to create the situation, or perhaps it was just part of my karma to learn to deal with difficult people. I suspect that the latter was the case.
It’s important to figure out what one’s purpose is in any particular lifetime so that one can judge if a particular event, person or situation was challenging us for the getter or worse. Was that situation helping us to move forward even with all the difficulties? Or was it just another bad choice to be involved at that particular time? I really believe that we are called into interactions not by chance but by divine guidance and always with a reason. We often can’t see the forest for the trees, so we need to sit quietly and figure out what’s going on in order to learn the underlying lesson.
There have been some situations where I was just planning to go out dancing or to visit a town and I bumped into a new person who turned out to be just the one to help me find my way, befriend me for a time or hang out for a while. There are many situations that have happened like this. I was at the Edgar Cayce Institute for a program in October (the Ancient Mysteries Conference) and walked into the snack room during a break to find only one other person in there. We started a conversation and ended up spending the rest of the conference hanging out together. At the end of the program, we went our separate ways. We were meant to interact, chat, and even have dinner together one night to be friends, but just for those couple of days. It was pleasant and I could accept it as such. I have gone to other countries and had people hang out with me just for the program there. In this case it was for the conference.
Another time, I decided to visit Richmond for a dance program. I had always wanted to visit the Virginia Fine Arts Museum and so had the chance to do so on this overnight trip. I saw an interesting exhibit about guitars used to tell stories in paint or other artistic mediums as well as their Art Deco gallery. This particular Friday evening was a special event with a tango lesson, live music trio and some time for tango dancing with local dancers. During this time, I met a man who looked familiar yet we couldn’t recall how we may have met. Was it in this lifetime at another dance when he visited my area or was it feelings from a prior lifetime? In any case, there was that feeling of knowing each other which we both felt and caused an instant attraction which led to much talking and dancing together during the course of the evening. I went back to my hotel feeling quite good regarding all that I had taken in, including my museum visit, the wonderful dinner I had in their restaurant, as well as my dance experience.
The next morning, I began my trip back home which normally took two hours; unfortunately, there was construction as well as an accident-causing serious delays. I then saw a text from my new friend from the night before. As I was still in traffic, driving slowly I decided to call stating how bad the traffic was. He immediately, asked me where I was and it turned out that I was driving right past his exit! As I get very motion sick in traffic, I was looking for a place to pull off, so when he told me to “get off and come to visit”, I decided to do just that. Unexpectedly, I was directly to his home and enjoyed an afternoon until the traffic died down. Was it just coincidence or providence? I do believe that I was divinely guided for what ever reason to spend more time with this man. Nothing really came of it although we did go dancing the following weekend only to find that our lives are headed in different directions. That being said, it was a very nice interlude for the week that we interacted. There is a time and a place for everything and sometimes only a small time that two people meet. We can be grateful for that time that we shared and not be upset that it didn’t work out for more. Should I even be grateful for the traffic since it was the impedance for me to have a lovely afternoon?
There was another not so pleasant situation where a friend pretended to want more in a relationship in order to gain my guidance to learn to dance. When someone is misled and used, the results may seem like the one person gained the upper hand but in reality, they really just gained negative karma. In the end, they will have to pay for what they did. There is pay back for all of our actions, both good and bad. Thus, we have to atone for what we have done to others.
Let’s look at some situations where finances were concerned. Over the last few months I was renovating my kitchen and several hic cups caused unexpected expenses. There was the demotion wherein mice droppings were found that led to my attic being cleaned out. The bad news is that it cost a lot to have the work done but the good news is that I have all new insulation. The contractors left wood in my garage which rubbed one of my tires causing it to tear on the road. I had to have not one tire replaced but all four due to the age of the tires. The bad news is that it cost a lot to replace the tires but the good news is that I have all new tires to drive during the winter. There is a good side to everything where we can be grateful. It has been an expensive year, yet I still can be grateful for each challenging event.
I wish you the best for your year in review and many blessings for the year to come. As always, comments are welcome.
I recently started taking a class with the Rabbi’s wife in addition to the ladies’ bible study in which I’ve been participating for many years. This new class concerns a very special book called the Tanya, written at the end of the 18th century by the founder of the Chasidic sect of Judaism. In our first class this past Wednesday, we learned that there are two souls – one is called the animal soul which governs out instincts and our nature/ego while the other soul is concerned the aspect that connects us to the divine will. So, when we are doing things for others but for a selfish intent, it’s still part of the animal soul. Likewise, when we sit quietly and ask how we should be used to serve others or even how doing the laundry can become a divine task, then we are using our Godly soul. Although I’ve studied this concept before, I felt that I needed a refresher due to an incident that happened a couple days before.
Like most events in life, things happen for a reason; at the time it may seem like it’s just an action/reaction situation. Upon later reflection, however, we may find that there’s a deeper meaning to the scenario. Here’s the high level version, and of course, my side of the story.
So, what happened? I came home from an exercise class to find some young children playing with a very large ball in the middle of my street. Normally, over the many years that I’ve lived in my townhouse neighborhood, on the rare occasion when children are playing in the street, they normally are with an adult – either a parent or a guardian of one type or another. But this time, the kids were playing alone. (As I’d learn later, their father was inside their house.) The kids didn’t move as my car approached which meant that I had to stop for them and, in fact, they took their good old time getting out of the way. I was very surprised at this behavior making me feel like I was inconveniencing them to not obstruct traffic; rather, it was implied that the street was their right and I was a nuisance that could just wait for them. I take issue with kids that have no respect for adults and this situation was not going over well with me from the start. First, was the playing in the street without adult supervision and the second thing was ignoring the right of way of a car to drive down the street for the driver to get home.
Once in my driveway and safety parked in my garage, I walked back to where the kids were and said, “it would be safer for you all to play down the end of the street”, to which they just ignored me. I really wasn’t surprised since they had taken an attitude when they say my car initially. Apparently, they were being raised to believe that they were the center of the universe by their parents, so of course, every one else needs to yield for them. I’ve seen this behavior before and it produces adults with no sense of responsibility so I really hate to see it in children. I have family members that were held up to the light when young and now they are a gift from God… and have no respect for the rest of the family. It’s a shame what has happened over the last few years and has hurt me terribly. That said, I was really triggered by these kids.
Then I said, “Where is your mother?” to which I got a “She’s not home.” But they didn’t tell me that their father was home. A few minutes later I got a pounding at my door. When I went down the stairs, I saw a huge man furiously angry wound up and ready for bear as the expression goes who said, “How dare you speak to my children like that?”. Really, like what? Concerned for their welfare that they shouldn’t play in the street and that it would be safer to play down the end of the street.
He wasn’t interested in what actually happened because his kids had said that I took pictures of them, which I didn’t and it isn’t against the law anyway. However, he was hostile, abusive and threatening to say the least. And this wasn’t the end. I made the mistake to post on the neighborhood information board not realizing that his wife had no time to monitor the kids, nor take them to the neighborhood park play ground only one block away, but had lots of time to monitor this information board. In just a few days, there were 65 comments to which she replied to each one in turn stating her opposing view. I was amazed. It wasn’t difficult to figure out which one she was and even a few days later she contacted me directly.
At that point, I knew I needed to know my legal position, so I contacted the local police department non-emergency number. The really nice police lady was totally supportive, told me that I’d done nothing wrong and that this crazy family had no recourse against me legally but that if it should happen again, I should call the police at which point the parents would be told to keep the kids out of the street – private road or not. I definitely felt better after this conversation since the contact with this crazy lady had taken me off balance.
I went for a walk around the lake near home. As I walked over the foot bridge around some people, I accidentally walked too far to the right, and my foot slipped causing me to fall down on my side. Some really nice people came to my aide while others just kept on walking. I sat there for a few minutes questioning the meaning of the situation and received guidance that there are nice people in the world and some that just aren’t very nice. It was up to me to surround myself with people of a higher vibration – those of the light, and stay clear of those with a lower vibration – those in the darkness.
When I felt better, I stood up, finished my walk and came home with more resolve to limit my access to people in the light. I deleted my original post and realized I had allowed myself to use my animal soul – my ego had gotten in the way and that I had to reconnect to the light. The fall was the wakeup call – to shake me to remember who I am as a spiritual being. It really worked. Nothing was broken, but I did have to stay in for the weekend recuperating and allowing the swelling on my ankle to go down. I was very lucky that I didn’t get hurt any worse. I learned my lesson to stay connected to my Godly Soul. Sometimes we have to get shaken up to learn our lessons.
The definition of the word resilience is the ability to be flexible in all kinds of situations; in other words, to be able to weather the various storms of life. My Mom, at 95 years of age, is a wonderful example of resilience. She is a real example to me of how to just allow the world to be whatever it’s going to be and life within it. Why I feel this way is the subject of this article.
My Mom was born in 1927, just a couple years before the Great Depression. Therefore, her parents had to live through the Great Depression. She grew up during a time when what had been for sure, wasn’t any longer. This country had known prosperity for quite a while and then suddenly it all came crashing down. We’ve learned since then to be more careful with investing in the stock market (or many of us have learned this lesson, but not all!). In any case, these were uncertain times that required those that lived through it to be flexible.
In addition, my mom was born just a decade after the Pandemic of 1918 – otherwise known as the Spanish Flu. Millions of people died leaving only the strongest to survive. With no vaccine and only cotton masks, people self-isolated and did their best to wash their hands with little more that they could do. Only those with a relatively strong immune system lived through this time. My Mom’s parents (my grandparents). did and they gave this immunity to my mother.
A third point is that my grandparents were either newly arrived in this country or the first generation here. They were immigrants making their way in a new place, willing to do hard work to survive. My mother’s father was a merchant, making his living from ownership of various businesses that he created – a gas station and then a furniture store. Both were successful enough to support the family at that time.
Thus, my mom had good genes as they say and she gave those genes to me. As time goes on and I get older I reflect on just how much my mom has passed her resilience on to me. I watch how she adapts to changes in her life with relative ease. When my brothers and I graduated from high school and moved on, she started working as a substitute teacher using the degree, she obtained many years before. Eventually, she earned first her teaching certificate and then her masters from an exceptionally fine university – that of John Hopkins in Baltimore. I still get the newsletter and magazine from them as I now receive all my mom’s mail since I’m her guardian at this late stage in her life. I know how difficult it is to workday time and then attend classes in the evening since I earned my graduate degree while working (from the University of Maryland in Technology Management).
It was not easy for me and I am sure it wasn’t easy for her either; but I never heard her speak of it. She just did it in her classic style. That is the way people who were brought up during the depression are; I have no way of knowing for sure, but it just seems that way to me. Those were challenging times and people had to adapt or not make it through. When I was cleaning out her apartment to move her from California to Virginia, her graduation certificate was there. I had never seen it. My mom had just gotten it and then put it away. When I think of all the visits to my home in Baltimore and never once did she say, “I just graduated from Johns Hopkins University with my masters in liberal arts; do you want to see my graduate certificate?” I can assure you that I would have been immensely proud and would have wanted others to know about it. Wait a second, now that I think back, when I did graduate with my graduate certificate I was married, and we were moving from one house to another, and I don’t think I made any kind of special thing about it. At the time, I just completed my coursework and did not even bother with the ceremony. The more I think about it, the more I realize that, I’m very much like my mother.
How else is my mom resilient? Last October, Mom fell in her apartment and the staff called me to come over as she was badly bruised. I went over and took her to the nearby ER. After being in the ER for several hours, the doctors decided to admit Mom to the hospital where she stayed for four days. During this time, I spent the entire day with her watching the nurses and doctors coming in/out of her room with lots of electronic documents for me to sign. Of course, I had no idea what I was signing away. Does anyone these days? The staff points to a line and tells you to sign and you do it. I tried to read what I was signing but the language isn’t really understandable by a normal human being even with all my degrees. Of course, it’s meant to be that way. If you understood what you were signing, you would not do it. Undoubtedly, you are giving away your rights to any compensation if the staff screws up. In any case, after four days of every test known to man except the ones that make sense – like an EKG, Mom said, “I want to go home”. So, I told one of the nurses, “ok, you have one hour to get my mom ready as I’m taking her home”. And they did. At that point, Mom said, “Do not put me in the hospital”. My reply was, “So don’t fall and don’t get sick”.
Months passed and my mother was going downhill. She was not coherent and seemed to sleep a lot. I was preparing for her demise. So, I decided to talk to her soul and I said, “It’s a lot of trouble for me to take care of you, so either be here or leave”. She looked at me and said, “You’re right”. After that she came out of wherever she had been and started getting better day by day. Her soul decided to stay for awhile longer. During this time, I got her a care worker first 3 days a week and then 4 days a week, not so much because she needed that much care, but more to keep her company. Yes, it is an expensive adult play mate, but it did the trick. I visit during the week also, but she really likes having someone around. And on Saturday, I have a guy come over for therapeutic exercise and massage. She likes Robert and thinks he is cute (no, she’s not dead yet). So, whatever he costs, it’s worth it.
We are fortunate to have the means for this type of care. I’m certainly glad that I’ve saved for the eventuality that I’ll need extensive care towards the end of my life. Meanwhile, I exercise as much as I can to stay strong and healthy.
On a final note, Mom continues to surprise me. I called the other evening to check on her with no answer. After three tries I called the staff getting worried asking the night duty person to check on her. When I called back, he told me that my mother had gone to the movie down the hall. Go MOM!
I’m reading a book on Antisemitism that is the total of presentations for a conference of the same subject conducted at the University of Indiana this past Fall (2021). It’s written by Academics for Academics which makes sense since they present to each other. My issue with it is that the language is not easy for me to understand. I’m not putting myself down nor am I criticizing the presenters. When one is in a world, that’s the framework that these people have. But for those outside of this particular scope/perspective, it’s difficult to comprehend. It would be like trying to understand quantum physics without really studying it nor having a background in it.
Antisemitism
Why am I pointing this out? Because in reading this book of articles on Antisemitism, I’m learning all the things that I didn’t know about the subject. I must point out to my readers that I’m Jewish so I definitely know what it’s like to be Jewish and to have some people not like me for just being Jewish. I’ve also experienced people being really mean to me for being Jewish. In other words, I’ve experienced antisemitism without knowing the “definitions” of antisemitism nor understanding the academic framework surrounding the intellectual discussion of it.
Again, why is this important? Because not knowing, and then knowing about it opens a whole new world. Now that I know about all the ways that I was wronged in my life based on my being Jewish without realizing it, should I be even more upset than when the particular incident happened? In most cases, these incidents happened many years ago, but I’m coming to realize that many actions people are doing even more recently is actually because they don’t like my Jewishness; in other words, they are acting in an antisemitic way towards me. Does it make me feel any better or worse in knowing? Or in Not Knowing, being in ignorance of why people were being mean to me was it any better?
An interesting point is that most of the speakers who presented and who do present on antisemitism are not Jewish. So, it’s a conundrum to me how someone who isn’t Jewish and doesn’t have any Jewish blood is so taken with others not liking Jews to actually make it a field of study. Do people wonder about this or is it just me? There are many people all over the US and in other countries in this field of antisemitism that are not Israeli, nor Jewish and study this topic. What is their motivation? I see many names that appear to be Austrian, German, etc. Is there any correlation between the nationalities of the seekers with their reasons for studying such a subject when they are not connected to the situation, nor were they harmed by the subject except in concept. “When one of my fellow humans is wronged then so am I”. That’s pretty egotistical if I don’t say so myself. But I really have no idea why these academics are studying this topic so I can’t presume anything.
As I’ve continued my reading of this book, the answer to my questions is becoming more known to me: the speakers/authors are from countries involved in the holocaust and its aftermath. Again, from my readings I’m learning about how these countries are getting tired of apologizing for their involvement in the harming or not protecting more of their citizens from harm during the WWII destruction of so many Jewish lives.
Of course, people of many religions died during this period but most were killed during war times not just rounded up from their homes and murdered in one way or another. The systematic killing of six million Jews is horrific by any historical standard.
There appears to be a new generation of leaders that want to move away from apologizing and even accepting their past history to now shifting away from blame. In other words, they are attempting to change history. Not only are they re-writing what actually happened, but this new perspective is rationalizing the entire historical period away from their minds. Now it’s been done by “Others” and not “Them” so their people can breathe easier. With this new understanding, I can see why some of the authors are taking a stand on the resultant antisemitism that is arising out of this, well it’s not us, but them at fault. Again, it’s the Jews who are at fault. In other words, antisemitism is more on the rise than ever.
Of course, many people study ancient Roman culture and they have nothing to do with ancient romans. They didn’t live at that time nor are they responsible for anything that happened then but they still study this period in history. So, I guess if people want to study about another group of people and why others hate them, it’s ok.
As for my understanding what it’s like to be Jewish and to totally feel what it’s like to have been persecuted during the war, let me say that most of my relatives were killed during the holocaust. I believe that this point makes me able to say that I feel the pain of the persecution through the fact that I have so little family left. I especially am reminded of this fact on holidays and when people tell me that they’re about to visit cousins or other family members. I do have some family but only because those members of my family that did come over in the early 1900’s have married and had kids and they have had kids so there are a few generations in the US. Unfortunately, anyone that stayed behind is no longer.
As I continue my reading into this fascinating book and my NOT KNOWING becomes MORE KNOWING, I’m learning how more of the same old perspective that got Jews rammed into pogroms in the late 19th century is recurring; in addition, it contributed to the “it’s ok to kill the Jews because they caused all the ills going on in society thinking” is again gaining momentum. This is really news to me so my NOT KNOWING here is blowing my mind. Apparently, people just don’t learn from history. Are we going to have another world war over it? Do we have to have more lives lost like before? Or is this craziness the reason that non-Jews recognize the reason to fight against antisemitism before it’s too late? As this is a huge subject, for now, I’ll leave it as the answer. We all need to use our own minds and not be led like sheep to the slaughter by those that wish to tear down the very fabric of our society – (even with it’s edges and curves!)
I’ve lived in my home for 22 years and have had 5 neighbors to the right side of my townhouse, some nicer than others. This current one can only be described as a witch. She’s truly a bully taking great pride in being selfish and demanding of her property rights over plants and trees but totally disrespectful when it comes to my rights. Here’s my story of what should have been a shared expense and how she reneged on her promise to actually pay me once repairs were complete.
Before I start my rant, because admittedly, I’m frustrated at the system that allows people in a neighborhood where the deed of the property clearly states a shared financial responsibility where a shared wall is involved, there are probably some of you that may disagree with my position. Since I believe that perspective is a fact in this world of duality, I accept that opposition to what I’m presenting is a possibility. Nonetheless, I’m going to present what happened in the hopes that eventually there is enough energy to move forward in a more positive way.
Over these many years, my house has needed quite a few maintenance repairs, of which very few involved my neighbors. That said, the walls between the homes to shift due to the settling of the houses. When this happens, the two walls essentially separate which causes a “crack” in the mortar. Although initially one can ignore the esthetically normal small crack, when it becomes a matter of a full length of the house crack then it’s a “structural situation”. At this point, it’s prudent to listen to the knowledgeable contractors that were repairing other parts of my home. “Hey lady, it’s time to fix this crack or you and your neighbor could have water damage”. When I hear this kind of statement, I listen. Having just spend a lot of money to repair first the siding a few months before and then the roof, now I realized I’d have to repair both side seams of my townhouse.
The neighbors on one side of my house had just moved in and were very nice people. During my investigation process and eventually completing the repair, they cooperated with me and paid their share (half of one side of the house or ¼ of the total cost). The other neighbor decided to make it as difficult as possible for me to get paid. As I was travelling out of the state to care for my mother, due to a family death, I was coming home to do these repairs. I was literally coming home for a few weeks and either getting bids or having work done and then going back to care for my Mom. It was and continues to be a stressful time. I just didn’t have lots of time to discuss the whys and wherefores of what I considered to be yet another home maintenance repair. After 22 years these repairs are to be expected.
Although this neighbor initially agreed to pay half of the expected repair, over email and through the President of the HOA to make it official, she later recounted her agreement. But she did this only after she got what she wanted from me – for me to trim a tree in my backyard that was growing into her “air” space. Let me re-iterate – it wasn’t touching any where in her backyard – just reaching into her “air” over a few feet over the property line. And for this transgression on my part, she wrote me a letter instructing me that I had to trim the tree by a certain date or her gardener couldn’t work at all on her backyard. I had a hard time not laughing since my tree was located in the corner of my backyard and was way over to the corner of her backyard. To say that her gardener was paralyzed from working until this beautiful cut leaf maple was trimmed was truly delusional. In 22 years, no other neighbor had bothered me about this gorgeous tree. Because the letter of the law states that I had to trim the tree, I did so and bam, once it was done her tone totally changed. Before that it was “what’s your PayPal so I can send you the money I owe you”. Once I had trimmed my tree, she came up with every crazy excuse in the books. Why did you do a mortar repair instead of caulking? Why? Because caulking isn’t for a structural situation where the entire side of the house is involved. The contractor I used was a licensed, bonded and insured real company that had reviews from doing this type of work, not a guy with a no-name truck like what she used to do her gardening work.
Needless to say, things went from bad to worse. I said she could pay me now or later. She sent $175 when her share was $700. I promptly refused the money she had sent and returned with an invoice for the full amount. She didn’t pay it. So, I tried through the small claims court system which was of little help. Again, she played a game until she got the ending she wanted. I went to court on the appointed day and she was a no-show. The judge called the case and shocked me with the news that she’d scheduled oral surgery that day. She lied and said she sent me a notice. I received nothing in the mail, in an email, nor on my door. It was a total lie. She just let me go to court, even though I had checked in the day before, the administrators didn’t know that there was a note on the file. The case was continued into the winter and of course it was on a day of bitter temperatures and icy road conditions. The federal and local governments were both closed but the courts decided to stay open. As I’d just had an accident earlier in that same week when my car slipped off the road during icy conditions, I couldn’t drive again and take any more chances (it was a huge repair bill). I called the court and was led to believe that it would be ok. But it wasn’t. Although the judge let her make up a story and play games with the date, he wouldn’t accept that I couldn’t drive (she has an SUV) so the case was dismissed not on merit but because I wasn’t there. I’m more than furious. But because I know that there is karma, I know that eventually she will pay her due. Comments are always welcome. But be gentle in this case…
Inspirational memoir capturing a love that extends beyond the veil of death, of care-giving, of the ravages of Alzheimer's Disease as well as a widow's restructuring her life after the only man she ever loved was gone. Buy safely via PayPal
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