Why did you leave me?

March 15, 2021

From what I’ve read there are a number of states that people go through after losing a loved one including denial and anger among others. A few months ago I had to put my dear cat Skylar to sleep after many years of caring for him. It was a heart breaking  experience to look for ;hope one day and take him to be euthanized the next.

Making that kind of decision is beyond expression. From the vet’s office I went to the crematorium to part with my little boy forever. I returned several days later to pick up his ashes and prepared his final resting place near my home. As I was about to conduct his funeral, I got the call that my brother, long suffering from cancer, had passed that morning without awakening from a coma he’d been in for the past week.   Why did you leave me?

Within two weeks after my brother’s passing I was on a plane to the west coast to stay with my mother, my initial thinking was that I’d stay for a while, take her to the cemetery and do a service for him since she’d been excluded due to the pandemic and just figure out long range care for her. However, once I arrived, the situation quickly changed. I soon realized that my brother’s family was hidding the fact that he’d gotten Covid from them and they wanted me to leave, but their agenda was unclear. Although their motives can be surmised I can’t prove them. I accepted their rude behavior over the years when we’d get to get her and I’d be left out of conversations attributing it to not living  nearby, however I now realize my inner notion that my sister in law just had no use for me is clear. Its all about control and money. Its very sad really. She just lost her husband and has his estate and details to occupy her yet she monitors my where a bouts, my car, and has my nephew bring in other external people to try to take over insisting that I’m not taking proper care of my own mother. She doesn’t have enough on her own plate? One would think she’d be glad to have someone else here to care for Her husband’s mother as she works and is shutting down his business. Unless it’s not about my Mom but about her money. Oh now we have it, although she inherited mucho from my brother….. what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine too!! No?

Unfortunately,  I’m now caring for my Mother in a way that represents me taking responsibility for her much as a role reversal,  which, of course feels very strange.  I’m doing her laundry, making meals and taking care of other daily details of life. Meanwhile I have a woman  looking in on my own house back home. It’s four months now with no end in sight.

I keep asking my brother now in spirit why he left me with such evil people at my heels making my life so miserable? I have great responsibility and yet have such burdens on top of it.

And in the quiet moments I think of my little boy Skylar and miss him. He tells me that he’s ok and no longer in pain in that little body he had. Surprisingly enough my brother agrees that his wife is not acting properly and he agrees with the defensive actions that I’m forced to take.

Why did you leave me….with this mess??


So Rude! Or, How Not to Date

August 2, 2011

I really wonder if people care how they sound or behave anymore. In the old days, people were taught to say something nice or not to say anything. My parents taught us to have manners! What has happened to people today? Where did their sense of themselves go? Once we are out in public, we are judged not only by our appearance, but by what comes out of our mouth, as well as our actions. Don’t they understand that when they leave their manners at home, they are simply rude? Ok, so here I go.

I’ve been interacting with single men lately and have some firsthand examples in this particular demographic of the population. I met a guy, let’s call him Tom for ease of discussion, whom I was to meet this past Sunday. We agreed to meet at a restaurant near his condominium. All he had to do was leave his apartment, come down the elevator to the ground floor, walk outside his building and go next door to the restaurant. One would think that the timing for this process would be short enough for him to make it to our meeting spot by the designated time. I had to drive to the restaurant, park the car, and walk around the corner to the location and I was right on time. Tom was late indicating a sense of self-importance. He obviously didn’t want to wait for me. Immediately this sent a message to me that he really didn’t care to be polite. Okay, so this was how the date was going to start. I knew from this first moment that it wasn’t going to go well. So, for all the guys out there, make sure you arrive before your lady or you will send a similar message. You should arrive and be waiting for your date. Don’t keep her waiting. That said, there are always extenuating circumstances. But this was a Sunday afternoon and there were none. He was just late. Tom now has one strike in my mental playbook.

We go on to the greeting. I held out my hand and put on my best smile. To his credit he not only took my hand but he pulled me towards him for a kiss on the cheek. Alright, that was a nice touch, but it felt a little out of place at our first meeting. This sent a signal to me that he really didn’t know what he was doing in terms of the energy he was sending to me. One minute he’s sending an “I really don’t care about you since I can arrive late” and the next it’s “but I can kiss you on the cheek”. Frankly, I was uncomfortable with the kiss.

The next step was to actually sit down at the table. I had already sat down at a table inside the restaurant as it was close to 100 F outside. He was after all late, and so I picked the location to sit. Rather than just leaving it at that, he actually said, “Why don’t we sit outside?” I thought it was pretty obvious that I wanted to sit inside. If I had wanted to sit outside, wouldn’t I have selected a table outside at which to wait for him? To ask me was an attempt to negate my obvious preference for his. This was another rather insensitive move on his part, and one which I took as a power play. Why does power always enter into the picture? Wow, we’d just met and a power struggle already. If it had been 10 degrees cooler I would have agreed, but I really couldn’t handle the heat so I told him, “It’s really too hot for me to be outside.” Again, having to repeat my preference made me feel even more uncomfortable.

At that point, he sat down and we went on to have an interactive discussion. This is where things got even more interesting. I found topics to ask him about such as the nature of his work and his upbringing.

Total lack of interest

He never once asked about me. As long as I was willing to continue to focus on him, he was willing to talk about himself. He showed no real interest in me. So why did he bother to meet me in the first place and then be so very insincere?

Meanwhile, he ordered an ice tea and I followed suit. When Tom decided the meeting was over at just about the hour mark, he put three $1 bills down in front of him. In a not so subtle way, Tom was telling me that he had no intention of even paying for my iced tea! The guy earned a six-figure income and couldn’t spring for $3. No matter how you feel about someone, paying for the lady is the proper thing to do, especially if the tab is just a few dollars.

To sum it all up, Tom had no manners, was totally self-absorbed and was so very rude! I wonder how others treat him since what you send out comes back to you. I’d hate to be him looking in the mirror.

 

 

 

 


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