Letting Go:Moving Through Life Phases

July 9, 2018

We’ve all heard about the mental benefits of cleaning out closets. The old adage goes something like this: cleaning out drawers, closets or the garage is symbolic for letting go of junk in our minds as well as the literal letting go of physical junk in the process. Well, the other day, I went through lots of papers in a large filing cabinet that contained my work history. In going through these files, I threw out lots of papers related to my work history including performance duties and reviews; which, was essentially let go of my working career as I move into retirement.

lifephasesAs I went through each file, I spent a moment thinking about that particular job, what my accomplishments were, and how it went overall in that particular environment. So in those few moments, I relieved a number of working years. I’ve working for the federal government, for the telecommunications industry and later, back for the government as a contractor. So, one could say that I’ve done it all, figuratively of course; at least from the viewpoint of the Washington, DC corporate working world. I’ve had all different types of managers that ran the gamut from pretty good to pretty awful! Some of my work involved teams that went well with just a few that didn’t. For the most part, my work history was a continuum that spanned forty years and went from lower level secretarial to mid-level management. Overall, I feel good about what I’ve done over all these years and I’m really ready to let someone else stand in the limelight. I’ve had my day as they say.

I officially ended my working career with the end of 2017, but there is always leftover stuff to do. I began to discontinue my websites recently and decided rather than shutting them down completely to downsize one and just keep the domain name of the other. Letting go entirely is difficult. There is so much history in setting up a business (which I did once I left corporate America in 2008). For the past 10 years, I’ve operated an intuitive life coaching business that interacted and hopefully helped my hundreds of clients (300+). But as I let go of these papers, I was really letting go of all of this.

There is more to it than merely saying one will stop working. The ego has a hold on who we are. Is it ok for me to not be the title that I held whether it is project manager, minister, Reiki master, life coach, etc.? In some respects, I will never stop coaching since anyone that gets near me and has a problem gets the benefit of my advice… albeit for free; or my Reiki energy if they have a hurt/pain; or my ear if they have a problem. Thus, even though I’m no longer in the paid category of the workforce, I’m still at it, just as a volunteer. For me now, I feel that the best title is Starteacher Joanne, a title given to me by my spiritual adviser many years ago because I’m an old soul with much innate wisdom which I love to share.

Although I’ve let go of my papers and my working career, I will continue to be Starteacher Joanne, a Lightworker. Please follow me at Joanne’s Starteacher Blog

Knowing when to let go of relationships

February 24, 2014

Life as we know it in the physical plane is not meant to be lived alone. We are here to learn lessons and that usually means that we need to mirror those lessons against others, whether it is at home with family and friends, or at work. We can try to protect ourselves from the pain and vulnerability of being in relationships, but that normally only serves to stunt our growth; thus, such an approach is counterproductive. We may save a bit of heartache by not being in relationship, but we will also suffer loneliness, alienation, and perhaps depression. Thus, what we try to get away from will come back to bite us.

One of the important characteristics of the physical world, in which the soul is born, is that it is a duality. That is, we have choices which must be made carefully in order to keep us out of trouble. Making choices that are in our best interest and for the highest good of all concerned is where the concept of discernment comes into play. There is always a continuum for any situation – a good choice for us but not so good for others; a bad choice for us but perhaps better for others; and then there are choices which take both sides into account and play out in such a way that soul growth for the individual is possible while taking into account the welfare of the others in the equation. This is how the best relationships are conducted.

ImageAnd then there is how we get into relationships in the first place. I believe that every person we come into contact with for more than a mere glance is meant to teach us some lesson at a soul level. It is always our choice if we are ready and willing to learn the lesson, however. So let’s say that we meet someone and we see signs that there are lessons to be learned. The signs can come in many forms – there can be synchronicities in birthdays, colors that both people wear at the same time, just the feeling/knowing, a dream or angelic revelation, etc. Sometimes each has some trait that is opposite in the other – such as one is overly masculine and needs to take on more feminine energy whereas the other is overly feminine and needs to take on more masculine energy. As the relationship progresses, the lesson unfolds.

Learning lessons can be challenging and can cause friction in the relationship making continuing difficult. Perhaps this is why so many marriages break up over what seems like small things. People talk about money, the other’s friends, not sharing interests, etc. but what is the real reason? I believe it goes much deeper; way down to the soul level. And, once the lesson is learned, whether it took a few days, weeks, months or years, the two could well part. Of course, there are many relationships that continue on even after the point where the learning has stopped and just the friction remains causing great consternation among those involved. When the two finally part, it’s normally in anger with years of trauma to overcome.

I hope that when it’s time to end a relationship, I’ll know the point at which it’s time to end and do so with the most loving heart possible. The goal is to have a win-win for both parties. Tell each other what was good in the relationship, holding back on what didn’t work so well, letting go of the negatives long enough so as to not destroy the other’s ego. Letting go in this manner saves face and is not only in the best interest of both parties, it takes into consideration that releasing someone in love sets forth the same energy to come to you. So let go with love and light and be in abundance so that you welcome in an even better situation next time.

Knowing when to let go

January 16, 2013

Relationships as well as friendships are much like marriages; it’s important to know when to let go. It can happen at either end. We all have a choice as to whether we wish to continue to be part of any relationship and either party can decide the time is up. The degree of anguish, hurt, or relief is a matter of which end of things one is on.
friendLe’s take an example. Suppose you’ve been in a very long friendship, say one that has endured for 25 or 30 years. You and your friend have exchanged visits, holiday cards, gone on trips together and talked about each other’s families for all those years. And then one day you begin to have trouble reaching this friend. At first, you figure he/she is just busy. After all, you’ve been friends for so many years and you didn’t have any arguments, what else could it be? So you begin to figure out what the other person is doing that would keep them from responding to you. Perhaps one of their children has been ill, or maybe they’ve been dealing with life issues that they don’t want to bother you with. This begins the excuse stage.

Next comes the worry stage. This is where you really start to wonder why your long-time friend isn’t returning your phone calls and/or emails. You begin to go over the last conversation you had examining how it went. Could there have been some clue that you missed? Why doesn’t he/she get back to you? Is something going on that you haven’t figured out yet?

Then there is the irritation stage. What have I done to deserve this behavior? So you try again. With one last attempt to be nice and give the other person the benefit of the doubt, you write an email, “I know how busy you must have been since I think one of your children is due to be married….”. A few weeks later, a response comes with no salutation, just the news that indeed the daughter or son or whomever did get married, but it happened months before (so guess what? You weren’t invited and I’m only telling you now to get you off my back…. Words in parenthesis are unspoken but implied). Wow. Now you know. It’s final. The relationship no longer has meaning. If your words of congratulations had meaning, then the news would have been provided more timely. People send invitations even to those they know can’t come just to “include” them. At a minimum, they send a notice. Not to receive anything is certainly a realization that one is less than an acquaintance. How did this happen?

When one begins the process of re-evaluation of the relationship, the whole thing begins to unravel. Was it ever a friendship or just a matter of convenience? No response is necessary. No other phone calls will ever be made or answered. It’s done. The realization is complete that the relationship is over. All that is left is to accept that a life-long friend may have been a mirage.

Talk about a life lesson. How can one discern friendship? Perhaps it was there for a while. Perhaps it wasn’t. All we can do is live with it and hope that our new friends are more worthy of our time and attention.

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