How we get programmed by simple actions

July 10, 2016

Ever give your dog or cat a treat? Do it once and they will demand it forever! So in the end, who is training who? I have a friend who taught his cat Sherman to sit up and give the paw before providing milk as a treat. Before too long Sherman was prancing into the kitchen, sitting himself down and offering the paw as if to say, “ok, big guy, where’s the milk?” If my friend ignored him, Sherman would resort to pawing the dishwasher and meowing loudly until he got what he wanted – the milk! It’s pretty funny, but that’s how it went.

Sherman with the paw for milk

Sherman with the paw for milk

Now I have a similar story relating to my own cat Skylar who, after getting crunches on top of his soft food only once as an incentive to eat would then refuse to eat without the added bonus. The cat could be starving, but would just sit and look at me like, “Are you kidding? You want me to eat that?” of course, not wanting him to go too long without food I’d give him what he wanted. Now the crunches are a stable and no longer a treat.

But isn’t this how life is? If we’re given a bonus at work too often, we come to expect it. Or, more likely, certain behaviors from friends and family say a significant other takes us out regularly or perhaps a child gets good grades in school. So much for that new behavior being special, since if rewarded too often, it’s expected and no longer appreciated. Thus we move into the taken for granted mode.

It’s easy to fall into this trap. Take a look around your life and see where you’ve been programmed or perhaps where you’ve programmed those around you. Do your kids expect multiple vacations, gifts and treats per year because you did it once and now they think it’s normal and so expected? Think about whether you should re-program certain areas of your life for the better to bring things back into proper balance. Is all that behavior, whatever “that is” really necessary?

Only then can we have true gratitude and appreciation for what’s truly special in our lives. That’s how it’s supposed to be! Let me know how it goes..

Overcoming Negative Energies

May 6, 2015


Life would be so easy if we only had to deal with ourselves since it would eliminate not being able to get along with another. But by definition, this cancels out being in relationships, which are one reason that we are in the earth plane. So, no dice! Unless we are hermits, we must deal with other individuals outside of ourselves and in the process learn from them. If we are fortunate, we can overcome the negative energy we encounter buried within these challenges/lessons and open more to the light in the process. So how does this process of overcoming negative energies work?

If we take a look at nature, we can get some clues at how beings are supposed to be together normally. I use the word “normal” to mean when conditions are good, ok, or even average. Take my cat for example. If I’m nice to my cat by providing food, shelter, and morning kisses, he gives me love back; in fact, even if I put nasty medicine in his mouth, since he trusts me, he allows me to do this and still loves me back. Just to show that he has a real personality, if I don’t sit with him at night and watch TV together (which he really enjoys), he won’t come upstairs to sleep on the bed with me (which I really miss). Somehow he knows this. So when I don’t do something that he wants me to do, he doesn’t give me what I want in return. He’s a loving creature and expects love back just like I do. So he’s not stupid. If I ignore him, he will go in the other room and put his back towards me ignoring me. He’s even gone so far as to leave poopy by my bed to indicate that he’s really mad at me. I’m sure you can figure out what this translates to in human language! Anyone that has a pet is probably laughing in agreement with me right now, and for those of you that can hardly believe what I’m writing… well guess you have to be there.

So what’s the take-a-way? If an animal responds to love with love, then why don’t people do the same? The answer is that possibly it’s because we’re more complicated, but it shouldn’t be that way. It should just work like Newton postulated – each action has an equal but opposite reaction – if I love you then you should love me back. Well, why not? Why are people so full of anger, hate, commitment phobias, past hurts and unwillingness to be loved in the first place? It’s really a shame that we can love, nurture, care about, help, be present for others and then not get anywhere near this type of reaction in return.

According to Kabbalah and the more spiritual traditions, the reason that we do not receive love when we give love, is there is some challenge or lesson to learn. That is, there is a negative energy to overcome. In continuing to love even in the face of this negativity, we are maintaining our standing in the light and so furthering our own soul development. We are also helping to heal the person with the negative energy at a soul level. This is not easy to do; that said, once we feel that we have to get out for our own safety, then we are freed from any further obligation to do so, since our own welfare always comes first. In the end, each soul must be allowed to move forward in their own way, and in their own time. We can only hope that their negative energy can be overcome so that they can also move into the light. And so it is!

It’s Either Fear or Love

September 21, 2012

If you’ve been following my writings perhaps you remember me saying that “fear and love” cannot be active at the same time. But this is a topic that deserves repeating. Let’s start off with a definition:

What does it mean, “It’s either fear or love?”

Fear is active from our second energy center which is also where our drivers of sex, power, and money originate. It is also where anxiety as well as illness begins. Love, on the other hand, comes from the heart, the fourth energy center. Only when the heart is open can we be in a loving, caring, nurturing state. When fear is operating, the heart is closed and so not open to the positive energy that is possible.

 Why are we in fear?

When we are afraid that we’re not good enough, we shut out possibility. Being afraid only causes the energy of fear to multiply and come back in the way of chaos to harm us. How can this be the case?

Let’s say that you decide to start a business but are afraid you won’t be successful. The next thing you know events start happening that take up your time, while preventing you from moving forward with your vision. Thus, your fear has a self-fulfilling prophetic impact on your life.

Now let’s change the attitude to one of belief in yourself. By sending out positive thoughts such as I can do this or I deserve this because I’m a good person; I know my field and I am capable (all essentially coming from a love perspective, you set up the energy of positive events to come back to you. The next thing you know, opportunities are presented that allow you to fulfill your vision and you are successful.

Another example is with relationships: We may not be going out thinking, “Why bother, I won’t meet anyone anyway?” This is fear taking over when really the attitude is one of I’m not good enough.  The playing out is much like the above scenario. We don’t go out, there’s no opportunity to meet any new people, and thus the self-fulfilling prophesy takes over. If we change the attitude to, “I’ll go out and just have fun; while I’m out perhaps I’ll meet someone”, this positive outlook is inviting and will most likely attract new opportunities. And so it goes.

Why not try recognizing the fear for what it is, the shadow self, attempting to hold us back from moving forward with new opportunity. Let go of the fear and open space for love to enter your life.

We need more Lightworkers

August 20, 2012

Recognizing the need for Lightworker Community Kabbalah teaches that when there’s chaos, we’re not allowing enough light to come in. Thus, when I started to have lots of issues with a new computer, new cell phone, new bathroom renovation… I stood back and asked myself was this a message that I wasn’t allowing enough light to come in? Sure, I was creating posts of hope and inspiration to over 5,000 people on my Facebook page, as well as operating my intuitive life coaching business, but apparently it wasn’t enough. At least I believe that the underlying reason for this sudden “chaos” in my life was that the universe was making use of the time that I wasn’t utilizing to the proper spiritual level based on my soul’s purpose. Wow, what a job!

Spiritual community is always a good thing I feel it’s crucial to go back to basics from the spiritual perspective, which is why I started a new group called the NOVA Lightworkers (  – or was pushed by the forces of nature. In this sense, a Lightworker is one who uses their inner light of knowledge and wisdom in service to self and others. Our inner light connects us to our divine source, which is also of “the light” as opposed to the “darkness”. Not only do I feel a need to reach out to other spiritual souls on their life path desiring to be of service to others, I felt that there is a need to create a group in my local area. Sure there are plenty of “spiritual groups” but each leader comes from a different perspective and so will draw individuals with whom they resonate. Thus, with my personal focus of intuition development and energetic philosophy, those that stay in my group will resonate with me. The students will always find the right teacher for them. Those that are already teachers will find compatriates.

We are never tasked with more than we can handle. Thus, I accepted this divine “assignment” even wondering from where the time would come, knowing that somehow it would all happen. I set up the Lightworker group on “Meetup”, paid the fee and said quiely, “if this is what I’m meant to do, it will be successful”. Of course, I would know soon enough if it wasn’t. I didn’t even have to think twice. Within two days of the site going live, spiritual souls thirsty for a community began to sign up. Once the initial challenge of writing the text and planning how the format would be, I began to feel energized. Perhaps the universe was guided me back on track to do something I was supposed to do. Although planning two events per month initially seemed daunting, I now feel that I will be guided to know what to do and it will all work out… exactly as it should. Maybe all the confusion was a message that I was getting stuck in my left brain with details and being human, needed a reminder to let go, and trust my guidance. What a surprise! The teacher never fails to continue learning the same lessons…

Who Said You Were Ugly?

December 31, 2011

I went to a program the other evening to join a group for dinner. As I came a bit late, I sat at the only available seat down the end of the table. The gentleman on my left was the only person who’s voice I could hear as the conversation was aimed at the middle of the table. Perhaps it’s my life coach energy, but very quickly this man began to unveil his darkest secrets to me including his belief that he was very ugly. This revelation in the first ten minutes of our discussion was most amazing to me; in fact, no one had ever made such a statement to me. What made this remark that much more astounding, was I thought he was quite nice looking when I sat down. He seemed about mid-40’s, had good hair, a nice face and although it also included dark circles from anxious worry and sleepless nights, he was otherwise, quite pleasant on the eyes. But he had a much different self impression.

UglyHere’s the story he told me:

Apparently, as he conveyed to me, he’d been told directly that he was ugly. I sat transfixed in total disbelief as he repeated this phrase in one version or another. “How so?” , I asked. During a job interview, he swore that the interviewer actually told him that he was too ugly for the job. Then I asked he was interviewing to be a TV anchor. He responded in the negative. Well, then, how could anyone tell another person such a thing? It must be his imagination, but he was convinced otherwise. I said, well, just look in the mirror. That didn’t help since he saw exactly what he’d been told. He believed he was ugly. I felt it was a case of lack of self-esteem. Perhaps people saw his dark attitude and attributed this characteristic to being ugly, but not really being ugly.  No, he was really ugly.

There’s more..
Wow, then he began to tell me about the other things wrong with him. There were addictions, no friends, not being able to hold on to a serious female relationship…. And the one that really got him was not getting sufficient raises over the years since he’d worked very hard. I tried to explain that nothing is guaranteed in this world except… well you know death and taxes. Lots of us work hard, but only if you provide excellent service to your company do you normally get raises. And, if that’s not the case, it’s always your option to leave and go somewhere else that appreciates you more. Then the entitlement started. Why aren’t people given this and that?

Ok, so he’s living in the wrong country this he believes in socialism and this is a democracy. Of course, on close scrutiny, if he had the money, he wouldn’t want to share it equally with others. Funny how that works. At one point I thought I might be able to help him then I realized he had a lot more going on than I could work with. He probably needed to be on meds.

In the end
Since I had gone out to this group for social interchange and the prospect of a client was most secondary, I felt that I’d had quite enough of this very negative person (mind you it only took a few minutes for me to feel that way so I can certainly understand how others would feel if in my shoes). I did feel bad for him since he had a much distorted view of himself. He really planned to have plastic surgery to correct his face. I did tell him that was the worst thing he could do to himself since I understood his issue was internal and not external. I hope he listens to me and gets the right kind of professional help.

What’s In a Name?

August 28, 2011

Our parents pick our name, sometimes before we are even born. Putting changing one’s name aside, our names gather the energy of who we are. People get images of a Jane, a John, a Damian, a Fabio or a Lolita! A name might signal a cultural influence, the mood of the parents at your birth or the hopes/dreams they wanted for your lifetime. In any case, your name becomes a part of you in many ways. In most cultures, when we address someone in person or in mail, we use the person’s name first in a salutation. We then write our note and then end with our own name.

Texting changes things

The more recent onset of cell phone texting tends to cut to the chase and eliminates the familiar greeting of “Hi Jane” and just goes to the “what are you up to?” since the note is meant to be short. Both parties have agreed, when they text each other, to be less formal by use of this method of relaying information. Usually, one doesn’t text an individual that isn’t familiar. In other words, the relationship is established.

Or should it?

But should the advent of texting convey to the world of email or more formal snail mail? Let’s say that someone is sending you a greeting card and they write your name, “Estella” on the envelope but do not write it on the inside of the card. Instead, they just write, “Love, Ed” after the nice words that American Greetings has created. Now how does Estella feel when she reads a card that does not have her name at the top of these nice words and just a signature at the bottom? Perhaps it will be accepted that Ed really is directing his feelings towards her. My take is that Ed is either not thinking about it and is just being “short”, or, what I really believe, is that it’s a way to skirt his real feelings. I think this manner of not directly addressing the person in the header or top of the card is a way of being emotional vacant. He really doesn’t want to commit but is doing his best to pretend that he does. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the relationships where this type of behavior has occurred and then see if the guy or girl has committed to a serious involvement. The answer is telling.

Let’s get back to email

So here we are back at the email message where our friend (perhaps) Ed is writing a note but leaves off the salutation, yet does sign with his name at the end. This may be common, but personally, I find it rude and rather offensive. Does he realize how rude he’s being in his rush to interact that he just doesn’t care how he comes off including creating really negative energy? Maybe it’s the lifestyle we lead. People are always in such a hurry. So wise up all you “Eds” out there! Be polite, slow down, and remember to use your contact’s name. In the end, there will be a more polite and positive energy exchange for everyone.

Learning to Get Along in the World – Being Assertive Vs. Aggressive

August 15, 2011


What does it mean to mature?

In one of my prior articles, I addressed just screaming to get what you wanted and indicated that such behavior only works for babies, small children and teenagers prior to their being grounded. It may also work for corporate types until they get their first performance review. In other words, acting act by yelling is a sign of immaturity which also implies that if you haven’t learned not to yell or scream every time something isn’t right in your world, well, you guessed it, you’re just not mature.

What comes next?

Proper behavior is important to moving our lives forward in a positive direction. There’s a whole set of what can be construed as behavior most becoming a young adult, an adult, and a professional. Today, I’m just going to address the difference between being aggressive and being assertive.

When we are young and our parents just tell us to “Be quiet since good children are seen and not heard,” many individuals begin to feel incapable of expressing their opinions appropriately as adults. I see this often in my coaching. Such people feel that what they have to say just isn’t important and thus they have a difficult time of getting their needs met. Now we’re on to something. Eventually, this individual gets tired of holding their unmet needs in, so to speak, and what comes out may not be pretty. Most probably, the result of parents not allowing their children to be heard when they were young, fails to foster a sense of self-worth and thus, the child and later, the adult, may go to extremes to be heard. I believe that this is the cause of work place violence, domestic abuse, and many other extremes of behavior. Is it justifiable? Of course not. Most parents are just behaving the way they thought was best for their children. I fully believe that my parents never wanted me to have trouble relating to others when they told me to,”Be quiet, we don’t want to hear your opinion”. Yet, this is what I heard growing up. It made me feel bad, just like my opinion wasn’t worth anything. And, at the time, it wasn’t valued. But later, I felt it wasn’t valued in other more public arenas as well.

It took me a very long time to figure out that I was a good person and that my opinion mattered just as much as the next person. Once this transition occurred, I had to modify my behavior. I was being a bit too pushy in trying to get my needs met initially. I was being aggressive and therefore offensive to some people. Moderating this behavior to be more socially acceptable is what assertive responses are all about.

I feel intuitively that what I experienced as a child is common among many other children of my generation since their parents told them the same thing that my parents told me. In turn, these children of depression era parents also learned that their opinions were not valued. Unfortunately, not everyone can figure out on their own that they are important, regain their self-worth, and make the transition from aggressive to assertive behavior.

How can one learn to be less aggressive and more assertive?

Here’s where getting help is important. If you can’t seem to figure out what’s wrong with your own behavior, but you do realize that there’s a problem, find appropriate help. Help may take the form of a mental health practitioner, an energy worker such as myself, or a good friend.. Don’t allow yourself to get into trouble. Do be proactive and get the proper support. Hopefully, you will eventually learn to moderate your behavior and be a much happier and more successful person.

Want Something? Just Scream!

August 5, 2011

When we are young, and we want something we merely stand, sit or lie on the floor and scream. So it’s in our history to fuss for the things that will make us happy when we’re feeling uncomfortable. Initially, these irritations take the form of wet diapers, hunger pangs and pokes by siblings.

ScreamAs we age, the disagreeing events may get slightly more sophisticated when bullies push us around (If we don’t want to fight), our mother tells us to clean up our room, or we’re grounded for doing too much screaming! At this point, perhaps we start to get the idea that there are other ways to alleviate our issues than merely yelling when the going gets rough. Well, tell this to a teenager that wants to borrow the family car, stay out past her 10 PM curfew, or hang out with older kids.

Or, to my cat Judas, who stands in the living room and screams for what she wants. Last night I was on the phone and heard my 17 year old red tabby screaming downstairs. “Hold on”, I told my caller. “Judas, what’s wrong?” Then I realized it was time for her treat and our evening bonding in front of the TV. Though she sleeps all day, Judas wanted mommy next to her on the sofa for a few hours to pet her. Isn’t this like any family needing quality time together? Judas has her unique way of telling what she wants very clearly. Amazing isn’t it?

Perhaps quiet teenagers that go into depression should learn from Judas. It’s better to scream and be heard than commit suicide because no one paid any attention to them.

Eventually, all this screaming should turn into assertive, non-aggressive behavior in order to function in the real world. This is not an easy transition. By responding to Judas, I hope she will eventually learn that a smaller “Meow” will get my attention thus helping her to moderate her actions. Unfortunately, she found a way that works for her and she’s taught me well. Isn’t that exactly what we teach our children? Exactly, how to manipulate us? The answer is complex. If we ignore the behavior it can escalate, so that’s not a good solution.

If we try to show others that we do care and that acting out isn’t the answer, then just maybe, they might learn that a less aggressive tactic works. The healthy approach is to teach assertive behavior so that one can be a part of a community, team or work environment. What would the workplace be like if we all came in yelling for what we wanted? That said, we do know of those individuals that have to dominate team meetings, overly state their positions and intimate others to get what they want. This behavior is an extension of the screaming when they were young.

So parents, listen to your kids; kids, listen to your parents. And pet owners, listen to your pets. If we all learned to do more listening, perhaps there would be less screaming. In the end, screaming is a call for help. And, for those quiet teenagers out there, just be heard and get your needs met before you kill yourself trying.

The Path to Getting our Life Lessons- Part 1 – Awareness

June 23, 2010

First we have to understand our nature. We are essentially energy beings. We are made up of energy. According to Quantum theory, the energy of stuff – including light particles, reacts even when separated in another room. Thus our bodies, since we’re made of the same core energy that light’s made of, will react when people or other living beings are nearby. We experience this everyday when we meet someone for the first time and either immediately like them, dislike them or have specific feelings about this person.

What are the feelings based on? We react to the energy that the person emits. Our unique energy pattern is our very own symphony. I call this unique energy that a person radiates, their symphony. Your symphony is a very special message that you send out to the world. It is based on the energy coming from all of your energy centers that speak to how you take care of yourself, deal with life issues, are in fear or love, if you are using your spiritual gifts, how well you are firmly planted in your body and if you are connected to your divine essence, among other things. Wow, that’s a lot! It sure is.

Since our reactions can be positive or negative, we need to understand what’s going on. But let’s take it from the person’s viewpoint. They are sending out either positive or negative energy in order for us to have this reaction. We are merely “reacting” to what they are sending out since like attracts like. What is an example? If you are around a happy, positive person, then you tend to feel vibrant, welcomed and high spirited yourself. As a result, one would lean towards liking a positive person. Therefore, a positive person gets positive reactions from the world mirrored back to them. The situation also works in reverse. No one likes to be around a mean-spirited, fussy individual and thus such a person would find that people tend to avoid, cut off or not wish to interact with them.

 Sometimes we need help to uncover our patterns and the lessons intertwined within. Wow, what if the negative person didn’t get why people wanted to avoid them? What if they wondered, “Why don’t people like me?” This is a pretty straight forward situation, yet there are so many cases like this in the world. People can be quite clueless as to how their behavior emits responses. The beginning of one’s self work is awareness before understanding. Sometimes it takes a teacher or helper to see what’s going on.

When I do an energy reading on my clients during our first meeting, I get a wealth of information about this person without them telling me. The look on their faces lets me know how true my results are and how well connected we become as a result. Then our work together can begin to uncover the root of their understanding of their energy patterns.

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