For over 27 years I’ve watched my beautiful Japanese cut leaf maple tree develop its curved umbrella form in the backyard of my townhouse. Periodically, I would sit in my outside porch chair and just look at it as well as the surrounding trees from the neighboring Reston Association open wooded area just over my backyard fence. Sometimes I would even tell my tree how much I liked it. Unfortunately, a storm a few weeks ago took a few trees down from this wooded area, with one of them coming down right on my beautiful tree. In hitting my tree, the falling one essentially sliced my Japanese maple in half, severing one of the major branches and leaving a long “wound” down the side. To say that I was upset would be an understatement. What happened next is the subject of this article.
I was initially happy that the fallen trees didn’t hit my home. These same trees did hit the property of the neighbors to my left, just into their backyards, but only damaging their fences and not their homes perse. This was fortunate. The Reston Association was notified immediately; however, there were many trees down due to the storm, so it took several days for their support team to come out to cut the fallen trees into pieces to be removed and just let decay in their park area.
When I asked about their responsibility for what had happened to my tree I got the standard, “it was an act of God” and that they would essentially do nothing. As a tree maintenance company was already out one day talking to one of my neighbors, the kind man offered to make a clean slice where my tree had been “wounded”. At least that would give the tree some relief. To help, I put down some Epsom salt fertilizer hoping that added nutrients might help the tree to heal.
Each day I go outside and talk to my tree encouraging it to not give up and die since the leaves seem to be curling up as if they were dying. Then after a few weeks I began to see tiny new red sprouts of leaves that are very cute that are coming out from the bark, branches and everywhere on the tree. So, what looks like a dying tree that perhaps had a tree’s version of a heart attack, seems to be slowly recovering. It’s interesting to watch. There is no way to know if my words are helping it, but I keep trying. I hold on to a branch and tell it that I care about it and to “Live”. We have had very hot weather which has not helped the situation with the tree. Then there was a period of rain. Maybe that was good.
Nature has a will to survive, so perhaps my tree will make it. I really hope so. For now, my tree looks more like a tea cup with half of it present rather than the full umbrella that it once was. But the holographic form that used to be there is slowly coming back. Somehow the tree knows what it used to look like, something like a limb growing back after an amputation (if this were possible). I wonder what my tree will look like in a year. Will it regain its full umbrella? I hope so.
There are ups and downs with friends as with every other type of relationship. However, when things become too one-sided or even abusive, it may be time to let go. In other words, it’s time to just give up being friends with this person. This happened to me recently with a 7-year friendship that I’ve come to realize is just draining me and is causing stress in my life. As I’ve aged, I have realized that if those around me are not adding to my life, then they are detracting from it. Something must change or be changed. Here is my generalized story of a derailed friendship.
Many families have dramas. In fact, I don’t know of any people around me that don’t have some kind of issues or drama in their lives or within their extended families. Perhaps there is a medical crisis going on, someone in the hospital, dealing with an illness or even a terminal situation. There are mood disorders such as ADHD, bipolar, autism and/ or narcissism that I’ve seen in those around me. Each of these mental handicaps have their own spectrum of debilitation and or frustrations for those near, whether family or friends.
In my own life, I’ve dealt with boyfriends that have suffered from many of these mental unstable emotional issues filling my life with turmoil. I once asked a psychic why I had so many such men in my life to which I was told, “because you have a karmic obligation to be patient and to help them navigate their lives while with you”. Every day, week, month or year that I spent with people of this unbalanced nature caused me to wonder if my world was upside down since their thinking was so out of kilter. I had to learn to stay balanced during chaos.
And so it went. I met L. (short for the guy in question) about seven years ago when he came to my town to visit his family. We met at a ballroom dance and eventually dated while he was local. Even after he left, we have kept in touch with sporadic calls and text messages. His normal conversations are more like rants about his family drama even though over the years I’d had much of my own, having gone through a brother’s death, his children trying to take over care of my mother from me and then having to care for her over a 2 year period until her death.
During my own turmoil, I was present for my friend L. He was always fixated on his situation and although appeared to be listening, he was most probably multitasking on his computer. With his extreme ADHD he is constantly doing multiple things as his mind races. He only eats when his body forces him to and tends to sleep any time of the day when he just can’t stay awake any longer. When we’ve been together, he has led a more normal life since I eat and sleep normally – he has managed to do so. Apparently, my energy has been a calming influence on him. I felt that I was helping him in this way.
My description of L has been the case until more recently when I decided to make a visit to his home, which is in our northern neighbor, Canada. From where I live, it’s just a quick 2-hour flight. I stopped in to see him last October during a visit to his area allowing some time for my own activities and he was very receptive, keeping in mind that I paid for all that we did together. He didn’t even offer me tea during our afternoon breaks. I recognized that his finances were stretched, but staying in my room, there was a nice sofa in the living area, sharing my breakfast and then going out to dinner with me, it would have been a nice gesture to pay for a simple tea. Although I enjoyed his company while there, mostly because he was calmer than when we conversed on the phone and was willing to hang out doing what I wanted to do. That’s nice, but in the end, paying for a man for everything does get old.
This time, I decided to visit for a full week and go from one city to another one a few hours away by train. He agreed to go with me even though he’d been before. I guess he figured that I’d pay for everything. When I asked him if he could cover his train fare, he said, “maybe”. I’m not sure what kind of answer that is. Either one has $135 or nor. I don’t understand “maybe”. I needed to book my trip and eventually made the arrangement to fly into his city so that he could accompany me to the second one. In hindsight, this was a mistake as it’s possible to just fly there and then take the train one way back. I didn’t want to pay for two people to go back and forth when I could have done it much simpler in the first place.
Then I also booked the trip for when he was available – mid – July, a much busier tourist season, rather than the end of June, which was preferable for me. I don’t mind cooler weather when it’s not as crowded. In accommodating him, I’m going during warmer, and possibly wetter weather, in tourist time and when I’m missing something that might have been possible. One can look towards other’s welfare more than their own. Now I’m very sorry that I did this, since his attitude of late has made me realize that he really doesn’t want to go since he doesn’t want to spend money period. Being with me is ok, as long as I’m the bank. I’ve decided that this doesn’t work for me. Unfortunately, I figured the whole thing out late.
In the end, I wrote to him that it just seems like it’s a bad time to come to visit him and that our plans together are cancelled. That said, my plans are not cancelled. If it was easier to change my air I would do so, but there are other expenses already incurred that make this adjustment impossible now. Oh well. I will go and do the trip as I wish. Letting go has released me from a great deal of stress. Of course, he had some redeeming qualities that I will miss, but not enough to continue. Discernment is necessary in selecting friends – who to spend time with and who to allow to use your time.
I’ve learned a big lesson. I will not allow myself to give into the whims of others nor for me to be used again. I also realize now that the planetary alignment is happening this coming weekend. It’s a time to let go of what’s not aligned with one’s mission and /or higher calling. Letting go of L. is part of my need to let go since it’s not in alignment with my mission. What are you considering it’s time to let go of?
It’s understandable that parents don’t tell their kids everything about their lives when they were young, nor even everything that happens on a daily basis. But once they are gone, to find papers or in the movie, The Notebook, to find a volume that tells a story that no one else besides the characters knew about it, is pretty amazing. This is my version of The Notebook.
To set the stage, I was caregiver for my mother for the last 2.5 years of her life. My brother died during the pandemic and very shortly thereafter I went out to California, leaving my Virginia home for 10 months to directly tend to the needs of my mother. She didn’t want me to know how sick he was, that he wasn’t coming to visit her, that she was left to figure out how to get food via a guy that went grocery shopping for her, etc. etc. By the time I took over she was ten pounds under weight and not in good shape at all. She needed major dental work ($6,000) and lots of new clothes due to the lost weight. Of course, with my healthy cooking, vitamin program and general attention to her needs, she returned to her normal weight and for her age, vigor. I felt good about this and we enjoyed our time together. It wasn’t all fun. I cooked, cleaned, took her to the doctor and dealt with all of her needs. In addition, I found the weather there an issue in itself, especially when the temperature hit 120F. At that point, I told my mother that it was time for me to return to Virginia and my own home. I left the decision on her moving up to her. At this point, faced with living alone or coming with me, she chose the latter. I packed her up and moved as much of her things as would fit into her new place as I could.
It was a research project to find a wonderful senior building for her with lots of activities, quality dining room, and people with whom she could chat away. She also loved the porch to sit and look, not at palm trees as she did in California, but the greenery of Virginia. It was interesting to note, that my mom was now back in the state where she grew up. She started and ended her life in Virginia.
My mother lasted another year and a half until she passed due to a short illness. I did what I could to extend her life every day that was possible; providing people, activities and dealing with her needs. Anything she wanted I bought for her. That said, we didn’t do a lot of talking to each other. During this time, I mainly would visit and told her about what was going on in my life. I knew people and places that she’d experienced but not everything that ever happened to her. Every morning that I didn’t visit, I called and asked how she was doing? Then she asked how I was doing? That’s about the extent of our conversations. What came next really surprised me.
Once my mother died, I had to pack up her apartment, prepare for the funeral and send her body out to California for burial. I was operating on automatic putting one foot in front of the other, barely having time to process what was happening.
Only now, three months later, did I finally get to the packet of papers that together are the remnants of the memoir writing class that Mom took 10 years ago. The teacher in the class provided the students prompts and then each participant wrote a few sentences for paragraphs based on this idea to get them started. At that time, my mother told me that she was taking this class. She even read me a few of her writings over the phone, since she was living alone in California, being quite independent at the time. But to discover these writings now is blowing me away. You see, some of what she wrote, I didn’t know about. Such as her pet dog and what happened to him; or what her father, my grandfather did when he first came to the USA; there were other stories about how she loved the idea of being a teacher and role-played as a child. I knew that she taught school (yes, she became a teacher) but I didn’t know that it had been her dream to do so. As I read these papers, and there are many pages, I have to allow time to digest each one. Each one tells a story that I didn’t know about my mother. Details of her life that I’m finding out now, after she’s gone. Stories that she never told me, but she’s telling me now.
What’s even stranger, is boxes of shoes that I have in my closest are falling down. I pick them up and put them back and they fall down again. The same 3 boxes in a row fall down. I put them back up. Finally, I said, “Ma are you doing this? If you are stop and I’ll know that it’s you”. The boxes still came down. So, I tried putting one box back and it stayed. Then I put two boxes back and they stayed. I haven’t tried the three boxes yet, but I believe they will stay now. I believe that my mother is seeing how much I miss her, how I talk to her, look at her pictures over the years wondering where the years went, how my life has passed and she’s telling me that she’s here still watching over me. She doesn’t want me to be so upset. She wants me to carry on with my life, stoically as she always did. I’m not as strong as she was. No matter what happened, she carried on. Probably a leftover from the Depression. I miss her. There were things in our relationship that were broken but I did what I could to take care of her, to be kind, loving and a good daughter. In the end, she told me that I had been a good daughter and that she loved me.
What more can one ask for? Finding out these stories is just like The Notebook. It changes your life to find out things about a loved one after they die. It’s like they are continuing to talk to you.
As we say good-bye to the year 2022, there are many aspects to consider. First, there are the happy moments where we were in joy and can remember events, persons or places with gratitude. In addition, there are moments that weren’t so happy; in fact, they may have been sad, trying or challenging in which we were tested in soul growth. How do we appreciate all of these moments as we leave the past year behind? How to be in gratitude and appreciation for both the good as well as the not so good is the topic of this article.
In order to provide a background for my thoughts, it’s necessary to lay the foundation of my philosophy which essentially comes from years of study both at the Edgar Cayce Institute as well as my Jewish upbringing. We are first and foremost, souls in a body, not a body with a soul. Why is this different? The body is just a vehicle to allow the soul to learn and grow. It is the soul that comes first. During conception, and when the time is right for the soul to enter the body which may not be at the same time, the soul having made a contract with these two people that become the parents to provide a developmental environment for this entering soul. We have therefore chosen our parents to provide us with this platform on which we can learn the lessons set out for us during a particular lifetime. To dive into a deeper understanding, I refer you to the study of the Kabbalistic Wheel of Gongelah in which each soul gets many chances to achieve perfection throughout multiple lifetimes. One’s good deeds move forward with the slightly more perfected soul after each lifetime.
For the purposes of this article, let’s just assume the nature of the soul in the body. Thus, once we add in free will and lots of chances to “get it right”, we have events that turn out ok and some that just don’t work out the first time, or even the second time. This may pertain to work, health, relationships, finances, etc. This concept relates to all aspects of one’s life.
Looking back over this past year, there are many events and personal interactions which I remember that cover a full spectrum of emotions. Even within one relationship, there were wonderous times and times when I was very upset or felt tested. All of these interactions led to me gaining a better of understanding of myself. Those situations which were challenging required me to sit and think about why it bothered me so much and therefore, what was the lessons that I was supposed to glean from it? Sometimes, I had to journal and really ponder why what seemed like a really nice person initially would suddenly act in anger, be cruel or in some other hostile behavior when I felt that I was being just me. Now here’s the rub. Perhaps there was something that I did to create the situation, or perhaps it was just part of my karma to learn to deal with difficult people. I suspect that the latter was the case.
It’s important to figure out what one’s purpose is in any particular lifetime so that one can judge if a particular event, person or situation was challenging us for the getter or worse. Was that situation helping us to move forward even with all the difficulties? Or was it just another bad choice to be involved at that particular time? I really believe that we are called into interactions not by chance but by divine guidance and always with a reason. We often can’t see the forest for the trees, so we need to sit quietly and figure out what’s going on in order to learn the underlying lesson.
There have been some situations where I was just planning to go out dancing or to visit a town and I bumped into a new person who turned out to be just the one to help me find my way, befriend me for a time or hang out for a while. There are many situations that have happened like this. I was at the Edgar Cayce Institute for a program in October (the Ancient Mysteries Conference) and walked into the snack room during a break to find only one other person in there. We started a conversation and ended up spending the rest of the conference hanging out together. At the end of the program, we went our separate ways. We were meant to interact, chat, and even have dinner together one night to be friends, but just for those couple of days. It was pleasant and I could accept it as such. I have gone to other countries and had people hang out with me just for the program there. In this case it was for the conference.
Another time, I decided to visit Richmond for a dance program. I had always wanted to visit the Virginia Fine Arts Museum and so had the chance to do so on this overnight trip. I saw an interesting exhibit about guitars used to tell stories in paint or other artistic mediums as well as their Art Deco gallery. This particular Friday evening was a special event with a tango lesson, live music trio and some time for tango dancing with local dancers. During this time, I met a man who looked familiar yet we couldn’t recall how we may have met. Was it in this lifetime at another dance when he visited my area or was it feelings from a prior lifetime? In any case, there was that feeling of knowing each other which we both felt and caused an instant attraction which led to much talking and dancing together during the course of the evening. I went back to my hotel feeling quite good regarding all that I had taken in, including my museum visit, the wonderful dinner I had in their restaurant, as well as my dance experience.
The next morning, I began my trip back home which normally took two hours; unfortunately, there was construction as well as an accident-causing serious delays. I then saw a text from my new friend from the night before. As I was still in traffic, driving slowly I decided to call stating how bad the traffic was. He immediately, asked me where I was and it turned out that I was driving right past his exit! As I get very motion sick in traffic, I was looking for a place to pull off, so when he told me to “get off and come to visit”, I decided to do just that. Unexpectedly, I was directly to his home and enjoyed an afternoon until the traffic died down. Was it just coincidence or providence? I do believe that I was divinely guided for what ever reason to spend more time with this man. Nothing really came of it although we did go dancing the following weekend only to find that our lives are headed in different directions. That being said, it was a very nice interlude for the week that we interacted. There is a time and a place for everything and sometimes only a small time that two people meet. We can be grateful for that time that we shared and not be upset that it didn’t work out for more. Should I even be grateful for the traffic since it was the impedance for me to have a lovely afternoon?
There was another not so pleasant situation where a friend pretended to want more in a relationship in order to gain my guidance to learn to dance. When someone is misled and used, the results may seem like the one person gained the upper hand but in reality, they really just gained negative karma. In the end, they will have to pay for what they did. There is pay back for all of our actions, both good and bad. Thus, we have to atone for what we have done to others.
Let’s look at some situations where finances were concerned. Over the last few months I was renovating my kitchen and several hic cups caused unexpected expenses. There was the demotion wherein mice droppings were found that led to my attic being cleaned out. The bad news is that it cost a lot to have the work done but the good news is that I have all new insulation. The contractors left wood in my garage which rubbed one of my tires causing it to tear on the road. I had to have not one tire replaced but all four due to the age of the tires. The bad news is that it cost a lot to replace the tires but the good news is that I have all new tires to drive during the winter. There is a good side to everything where we can be grateful. It has been an expensive year, yet I still can be grateful for each challenging event.
I wish you the best for your year in review and many blessings for the year to come. As always, comments are welcome.
In this blog article I’m going to address the stage in life where the kids are taking care of the parents to the extent where the line of who is the parent and who is the child becomes blurred. This is a subject that is hitting close to home at the moment as I move further along the path of caring for my aging mother, now pushing beyond 94 years old.
I never had children of my own although I was married for a considerable number of years. As my marriage was always rocky, I didn’t want to bring a child into the world under a disadvantaged situation right from the start. I know that some people think that a baby will solve marital issues but I wasn’t of that mind. Anyway, that’s a subject for a different day. As life would have it, I seemed to have taken care of other people’s children along my life’s path. For several years, I had my ex-husband’s niece and nephew living with us when we first got married. They were teenagers, so I had the rebellion stage with which to attend. Then, later, I had the kids of my friends that I’d baby sit, so I became familiar with 5-10 year olds. I once taught school for middle kids so I had to learn what made them tick. In the end, I never had to feed, clothe, and shelter my own children. But the universe had a way of teaching me what this would have been like in a very surprising way, at least for me.
My parents moved out west closer to my brother as my father came down with Alzheimer’s disease. He passed in 2007 with my mother caring for him until the last day. Then she had to fend for herself with my brother looking in on her periodically. As the years went by, I travelled to her condo in Southern California to visit for a few days first yearly, then multiple times per year, then every 3 months. It may not seem like a lot but there was the week of preparation to leave my own home and my cat at the time, the actual trip and then the catching up afterwards. It was about a month of time for me dedicated to the one trip. My family never saw it that way. For them, it was just the few days I was out there. But when I was with my mother, it was 24/7. They would come over to my Mom’s place, bring some food, like bagels and feel like they had done their job. When I visited, I cooked, sometimes cleaned and took her places. I began to feel that I was really taking care of her. Then there were times that she wasn’t well during my visits when I had to take her to the doctor. A few times I had to take her in for an elective procedure – like her cataract surgery. During other times, she had illnesses like bronchitis or swollen legs wherein I had to take her to the doctor. Meanwhile, my doctor brother was at home oblivious to what I was handling for my mother. He never accepted that I was really helping him take care of her. Again, the universe had a strange twist of fate.
My brother, yes the same one that was a doctor, came down with cancer. He valiantly fought it for close to eight years, but in the end it took him down. Probably his poor eating habits, exercising very little and maintaining a very stressful practice as well as his private life didn’t help any either. His children and wife all had huge expectations of the lifestyle they wanted to lead and he was the breadwinner and played that role until his last day. He refused to stop working until he was totally incapacitated. In other words, retirement was not in his vocabulary. Well, rather unexpectedly, again from my perspective, my younger brother who lived close to my mother died.
I was next in line to care for my aging mother. I quickly went out to California and began the role of primary caregiver for her, except it wasn’t a visit now, it was full time. To the surprise of the rest of the family (his wife and kids) I began to live there just returning home long enough to take care of my own home. This went on for 10 months with me doing all the activities of daily living for my mother; this included making her healthy meals, shopping to make sure food was in the house, maintaining the cleanliness of the condo to my standards (which included steaming the floors twice weekly for example), doing the laundry twice weekly and running her to all her appointment regardless of whether they were for doctors or to get her nails done. There’s a reason that people don’t have children at 70 years old. Being responsible for another person at this age is seriously tiring. I was more than tired. I was exhausted. Multiply what I was doing at her house with flying home and in a couple weeks, catching up at my house and then flying back to start all over again.
As time went on, my mother’s condition began to decline making it necessary to have outside support for just a few hours daily when I went away. After several trips and the world coming out of the pandemic, I decided that it was best to move my mother closer to me in Virginia. Understanding how stressed I was and that I was not going to fly back and forth forever, she agreed to move. Then I had to find a really nice place for her, pack her things, move her and then unpack her. Is this so different than a child leaving home and the parent helping them to move?
Although my Mom loved the place I chose and everyone quickly learned her name, her health took a turn for the worse within a few months. She had several falls, landed in the hospital for 4 days and the following month went on oxygen. Apparently all the years of smoking finally caught up with her. Well at 94.5 years old one can’t say that it shortened her life by much. She’s very lucky that my father made her stop smoking about 30 years ago. Unfortunately, she did gain about 30 pounds which she’s since lost over time with great difficulty. Currently, other medical problems are popping up. I still feel that for a woman that’s almost 95 years old, she’s led a fairly healthy life up to now with only a few medical blimps on the screen. Watching her decline in mental health is disheartening to say the least. Day by day she’s loosing cognitive ability to the extent that someone needs to watch her in the afternoon. There are activities were people come in during the morning hours and again at night so this is the main time for care coverage.
So just like a young child, that one must watch, make sure they brush their teeth, change their underwear, put on their glasses, go to the doctor and stay out of trouble, I’m watching and helping my mother. I get snacks for her in kid’s sizes, even giving her the twist off top yogurts that she really likes. She loves peanut butter and jelly on crackers, bananas and simple food. She’s eating more complicated food like salad less and less. I cut up her meat for her, but she’s eating about half of a portion these days. I open snack packs of nuts/raisins into a little bowl and she likes that. She sits in her recliner chair and closes her eyes most of the day.
Recently I bought an Amazon Echo Dot speaker where I can say, “Alexa, play Frank Sinatra for one hour”. She seems to really enjoy listening to her era of music and it appears to be very calming for her. I’m learning how to use this little device to provide wake up notices and alerts to go to the door to get her breakfast at a certain time as she can easily forget that it’s been delivered.
So now you have it- Food, clothing and shelter are now my responsibilities and all things in between. When her hearing aid gets lost I have to figure out how to get another one. I buy her new clothes and a new coat as it’s much colder here than where she came from. She still likes to sit in the sun on the front porch but there are few days when it’s warm enough for her as we approach December in Virginia.
As I leave my Mom after each visit, I wonder how much longer she has to live. Each day brings us closer to the last day. The thought tears at my heart every time I leave. I’ve also learned that as a caregiver, I can get lost in what I have to do for her, so I try to squeeze in some exercise and outside activities. All of this is not so different that a parent taking care of a child.
If this isn’t role reversal, what is? Everyone that lives long enough watches their parents’ age. It’s just really hard when it’s your turn. Comments are always welcome.
Have you ever noticed how fine the line is between love and hate? People can be married for many years and suddenly get divorced hating each other. Normally, one assumes there is love when people marry. So how does the transition to hate occur? There are many answers to this question. In this blog article I will tackle a few of them including: a sudden incident, a gradual loss of connection, and finally, it was a mistake in the first place.
Let’s take the first cause of sudden disinterest in a marriage or relationship. (Perhaps one party changes with age, or there could be a situation that brings out extreme anger, rage or signs of abuse exciting fear on the other partner. Inappropriate intimacies with others can excite betrayal. Such strong emotions are very difficult to overcome and even if excused, often cause love to turn sour…and also, to hate.
Love Hate Computer Keys Shows Emotion Anger And Conflict
Taking a step back for the moment, it’s important to understand what emotions come from the second, third and fourth chakras. Fear (2nd chakra) and love (4th chakra) are opposing energies and cannot coexist. So if one is operating, the other will not be. In other words, fear and love cannot be present at the same time. Once a person begins to fear for safety of self or their integrity (as in betrayal) love is sure to die and to do so rather quickly. So second chances are rare and rarely succeed. The answer is to not do it! Think first or risk the relationship. Meanwhile, the third chakra is the seat of one’s personal power. Thus, if there is little energy in this solar plexus area, then the person feels the victim or without power. If there is too much energy in this area, then the person may be a power person or when taken to the extreme, a manipulator, narcissist, or bully over using one’s power.
Unfortunately, I’ve had experiences with most of these situations including feeling powerless, a victim and even being bullied. Luckily, I learned from each of them and came out stronger. Not everyone is capable of coming into their authentic self to own their power, and be able to love without fear. The more we do our “homework”, that is, work through our personal issues, the stronger we become in each of our chakras. The goal is to be as balanced as possible. Even love can be too strong wherein we give out too much forgetting ourselves.
The heart is like an emotional bank account with withdrawals when others are mean to us or we give freely to be of service. We then need to take in emotional support and loving kindness in order to balance out this heart energy. I’m providing just the tip of the discussion here but enough for you to get the idea. Don’t give so much that you get depleted or you will get overdrawn, just like your financial bank account would be.
Here’s a story of a situation that happened recently. A woman went to visit a guy friend who wasn’t finished with his routine weekend chores. Rather than stop his activities when she arrived, he insisted upon keeping her waiting another hour past their agreed meeting time. She was a bit aggravated but kept silent about it. She tried to lighten him up by joking around as he seemed so tense about getting things done. As she leaned into to him, his arms flew up in a protective stance – one that a man would take if he was concerned for his safety. This maneuver was totally unnecessary since the woman was much smaller than the man. None the less his arm hit her in the face knocking her on her nose. She was not only stunned by his behavior, she was really physically hurt. He never said he was sorry.
As she was reeling and dizzy from the strike to her face, she stayed in his house for the next few hours while he watched tv and ate dinner. She quietly planned how she would leave so as not to cause any trouble. Eventually, she felt well enough to make excuses and leave. When she did so, he said nothing and watched her walk out. It was only the next day that he realized that he’d just about ruined his chances with this woman and began to beg her to forgive him. She wanted no part of it. And so it went for a week. Eventually, she felt bad for him and gave him a reprieve but only on probation to monitor his behavior. The relationship lasted a few more weeks and then she ended it for good realizing that she could be in her power and not live in fear that he could be violent again.
The next reason is loss of connection. This can happen at any stage of a relationship. Perhaps people get started based on physical attraction and then really get to know each other finding there is little in common. Or what was in common loses interest. Sometimes people get together for the wrong reasons, like over an activity that one partner no longer wishes to pursue. There are many reasons for falling out including just getting older and changing.
The last reason – it was a mistake in the first place often happens when the couple is too young, there is too big an age gap, the financial circumstances are very different, some cultural norm is very different or there isn’t agreement on how it is to be handled, etc. Sometimes people come together to work out karma and the lessons are done; hence the basis for the relationship is done. I’ve experienced this one a number of times.
One thing I can say for sure: if two people come together and feel strongly about a relationship, there is a reason for it. It may be for a time, for a season or for a lifetime. Only you and your divine essence know. Your comments are always welcome.
From what I’ve read there are a number of states that people go through after losing a loved one including denial and anger among others. A few months ago I had to put my dear cat Skylar to sleep after many years of caring for him. It was a heart breaking experience to look for ;hope one day and take him to be euthanized the next.
Making that kind of decision is beyond expression. From the vet’s office I went to the crematorium to part with my little boy forever. I returned several days later to pick up his ashes and prepared his final resting place near my home. As I was about to conduct his funeral, I got the call that my brother, long suffering from cancer, had passed that morning without awakening from a coma he’d been in for the past week. Why did you leave me?
Within two weeks after my brother’s passing I was on a plane to the west coast to stay with my mother, my initial thinking was that I’d stay for a while, take her to the cemetery and do a service for him since she’d been excluded due to the pandemic and just figure out long range care for her. However, once I arrived, the situation quickly changed. I soon realized that my brother’s family was hidding the fact that he’d gotten Covid from them and they wanted me to leave, but their agenda was unclear. Although their motives can be surmised I can’t prove them. I accepted their rude behavior over the years when we’d get to get her and I’d be left out of conversations attributing it to not living nearby, however I now realize my inner notion that my sister in law just had no use for me is clear. Its all about control and money. Its very sad really. She just lost her husband and has his estate and details to occupy her yet she monitors my where a bouts, my car, and has my nephew bring in other external people to try to take over insisting that I’m not taking proper care of my own mother. She doesn’t have enough on her own plate? One would think she’d be glad to have someone else here to care for Her husband’s mother as she works and is shutting down his business. Unless it’s not about my Mom but about her money. Oh now we have it, although she inherited mucho from my brother….. what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine too!! No?
Unfortunately, I’m now caring for my Mother in a way that represents me taking responsibility for her much as a role reversal, which, of course feels very strange. I’m doing her laundry, making meals and taking care of other daily details of life. Meanwhile I have a woman looking in on my own house back home. It’s four months now with no end in sight.
I keep asking my brother now in spirit why he left me with such evil people at my heels making my life so miserable? I have great responsibility and yet have such burdens on top of it.
And in the quiet moments I think of my little boy Skylar and miss him. He tells me that he’s ok and no longer in pain in that little body he had. Surprisingly enough my brother agrees that his wife is not acting properly and he agrees with the defensive actions that I’m forced to take.
If you ask someone what is missing in their life, many will respond that they’d like more love. The younger generation might feel that they didn’t get enough love from their parents, whereas the older generation might feel forgotten by their kids. Or, the working class might feel that they’re not appreciated at work. Those of one belief system may feel those of other beliefs (whether religious, organizational or political) are against them. And even there are those that judge themselves unworthy of even being loved.
Wow, with all this unloving going on it’s amazing that anyone is happily in love! But of course, there are many people that walk around with smiles on their faces while in relationships, having wonderful children, and happy at their jobs. So what creates loving vs. unloving situations? The question is an age old one of how can one be happy because in actuality, we create our situations (most of the time).
According to brain research as well as ancients religious texts, we create our world one thought at a time. I recently watched a great video on GAIA, the spiritual equivalent of AMAZON PRIME VIDEO Channel, which explained how the brain is wired. This video went on to explain how our thought patterns create new neural networks almost like beating a path to a door from constantly going there.
The result of constantly re-hashing how others were mean, angry, abusive or otherwise non- appreciative of us, is creating a mental state where we begin to believe that we are only deserving of abusive behavior. In other words, by thinking negatively about ourselves we begin to believe the negatively about ourselves which in turn becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. This was a scientifically based video. The other end of the spectrum is the spiritual view where Edgar Cayce, the sleeping prophet and great psychic of the 20th century, promoted the idea that thoughts become actions become our world; or, as we think so we become. So here we have a case of science meeting spirituality; both systems giving support to the idea that thinking negatively is counter-productive to create anything positive.
Now my own universal law appropriate here is that nothing positive comes from a negative. In the case of love, if you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else do so? It also follows that if you want to be loved you need to be more loving yourself, as like attracts like. This is also promoted by many spiritual beliefs as well as the work of Edgar Cayce.
If we create our world one thought at a time and we need to be loving in order to be loved, what is the best way to create a loving reality? I believe the answer is clear! Be positive with your self-talk, have compassion with those around you, think before you speak working towards being the best version of yourself that you can be avoiding throwing stones at others for holding a contrary viewpoint; everyone deserves a place in the world and to express their reality even if you don’t agree. Hold love in your heart for your fellow humans; one day we might need each other. There are many challenges at hand. No one knows for sure what will happen in the future. Have empathy. Stay in the light and be positive. These are all loving qualities to nurture and behold the love that returns. Voila, you’ve created a loving reality! (Granted, this may not be a perfect solution, but give it a try and see how life improves!!)
Inspirational memoir capturing a love that extends beyond the veil of death, of care-giving, of the ravages of Alzheimer's Disease as well as a widow's restructuring her life after the only man she ever loved was gone. Buy safely via PayPal
Posted by intuitivelifecoachjoanne 
Joanne's StarTeacher Blog 